PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

Henry was a good guy. You two had a lot of fun, he got along well with your parents and he had excellent taste in foreign films. In theory he would have made the perfect boyfriend, but for whatever reason, the chemistry wasn’t there and now you find yourself with an amicable ex-boyfriend. Really, no hard feelings.

At some point you may start to see Henry as less of an ex and more of a perfect candidate for some of your single friends. Just because it didn’t work with you doesn’t mean that a perfectly decent guy has to go to waste.

You are now approaching the wacky zone of recycled dating. Joked about in the popular, long-running, sit-com, Friends, it is now very common for your current beau to be your best friend’s ex and your ex to be your next-door neighbor’s new guy. More substantial than swapping old clothes with your friends, swapping ex boyfriends requires a little bit of finesse.

First you need to determine if the relationship with your ex is as over for him as it is for you. Fixing up Henry with your neighbor is doomed if he only agrees to do it to be closer to you. Having an honest talk about that dirty word (feelings) is a must, and the only way you will both be able to know if it is safe to move on.

After clearing it with your ex, it is time to clear it with your friend. Women have an unwritten code of ethics when it comes to dating friend’s exes. In most cases, Henry would be strictly off limits to even publicly declare attractive. It may take a couple of conversations to make sure that your friend knows that they honestly would have your blessing.

Eventually your ex is going to start dating again, just like you will as well. Having your ex date a friend keeps things simpler. No more having to hope that the new guy in your friend’s life is good enough. No more wondering when you are going to bump into your ex with a stranger on his arm.

Resist the urge to double date with your ex, at least at first. You and your ex have a unique banter and style of communicating. Even though things are strictly platonic, your friend may not feel comfortable if they are not included in the short hand.

Once things have been going steady between your ex and your friend you can approach the subject of everyone hanging out together. It may be awkward or weird for you at first. Your ex may be a completely different version of himself with your friend and it could be disarming to begin with. But if you let things unfold organically, everything will eventually smooth out. In some cultures being a successful matchmaker brings you good luck and fortune. Regardless of your beliefs, recycled dating, when handled well, can be a perfect solution to what to do with that perfectly good spare ex.