PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

Books abound, television shows focus on it, and it is the question that every woman asks herself, “What do men really want?”

Studies and surveys have led to the top two answers to this question, "Sex and Respect". Yes, it’s true. Men want plenty of sex and they seek the respect of their partners. This is in contrast to women who primarily desire love and affection.

When it comes right down to it, men get a bad rap. They are often depicted as sex crazed party animals that have no level or desire of commitment, and this simply isn’t the truth. There are many men who seek out a monogamous relationship and are just waiting for the perfect woman to enter the picture. Does this mean that the "perfect" woman is a human Barbie Doll? According to current studies – no. Studies have shown that men are more interested in a woman that is committed to them, respects them, and validates their worth more than a meaningless tryst with a perfect "ten".

Of course men are attracted to a woman by her physical appearance and that is a main component to the relationship, but as any man in a relationship can tell you, looks wear thin after time and when it comes down to it, personality can make or break a relationship. Men want to be treated with respect and to know that they are appreciated and valued by their partners.

Many women are also surprised to discover that men need love. Often, acts of love, verbal affirmations, and the like are typically reserved for the female and often neglected when it comes to the man. Typically, he is the strong, dominant, tough one in the relationship, so women often neglect to tell or show him how much she loves him. However, many men have stated that this is a strong need that they have. Men need love just as much as women do. They need to hear it, they need to see it demonstrated in actions, and they need to feel it. Now, obviously this is where men’s number one need comes in – sex.

There is no getting around it. The number one way to show a man that his partner loves him is through sex. It is often ironic that women can go without sex much longer than a man, and never realize that he is suffering and feeling unloved. It is a wise woman who realizes that her man equates sex with love and understands that when she withholds sex, she is essentially telling him that she no longer loves, respects, or validates him. It is also easy to understand why men stray when they begin to feel that this area of their relationship is lacking.

It isn’t necessarily that they feel they need a prettier woman, one with a better body, or more money. They are looking for love, because from the man’s point of view, without sex the love is gone. When a woman withholds sex from her partner, she is essentially entering into territory where the future of her entire relationship is being threatened.

If you truly love, respect, and validate your partner, communicate honestly with him. Never use sex as a weapon against him. Openly discuss issues as soon as they arise and give your man the respect he deserves, respect him enough to work things out without using sex to punish him. By keeping open communication with your partner, and discussing issues as soon as they arise, you can be sure that you will be giving your man what he really wants.