Comments on: The Big C – Commitment http://www.planjam.com/weblog/2007/03/12/the-big-c-%e2%80%93-commitment/ Fri, 19 Mar 2010 16:09:07 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Reg http://www.planjam.com/weblog/2007/03/12/the-big-c-%e2%80%93-commitment/comment-page-1/#comment-43480 Reg Fri, 02 Oct 2009 19:05:38 +0000 http://www.planjam.com/weblog/2007/03/12/the-big-c-%e2%80%93-commitment/#comment-43480 Hi Laurie, this is actually pretty straightforward. Your guy has told you EXACTLY where he stands. If he is willing to risk losing you by not showing any commitment for next 6 or 7 years, you have no business waiting around for him. No reason to lose touch with him alltogether necessarily. 6 months is not enough for most people to make a decision like that. And the past 20 years he has been planning to go to law school trump the 6 months that he has known you for. So you shouldn't be upset with him either. Be nice and friendly but don't get too involved at this stage. Let him make his own choices and decisions, as well as be open to meeting other people yourself. Don't put any pressure on him, just live your own life, and enjoy his company while he is still there. Time will tell if he cares enough about you to involve you in his future life. Hi Laurie,

this is actually pretty straightforward. Your guy has told you EXACTLY where he stands. If he is willing to risk losing you by not showing any commitment for next 6 or 7 years, you have no business waiting around for him. No reason to lose touch with him alltogether necessarily. 6 months is not enough for most people to make a decision like that. And the past 20 years he has been planning to go to law school trump the 6 months that he has known you for. So you shouldn't be upset with him either. Be nice and friendly but don't get too involved at this stage. Let him make his own choices and decisions, as well as be open to meeting other people yourself. Don't put any pressure on him, just live your own life, and enjoy his company while he is still there. Time will tell if he cares enough about you to involve you in his future life.

]]> By: mm http://www.planjam.com/weblog/2007/03/12/the-big-c-%e2%80%93-commitment/comment-page-1/#comment-36124 mm Fri, 03 Apr 2009 22:19:14 +0000 http://www.planjam.com/weblog/2007/03/12/the-big-c-%e2%80%93-commitment/#comment-36124 Hey Shy. Iam no expert here, but it seems to me you need to build yourself a second group of (non-drinker) friends. This will help you keep a healthy social life apart from your boyfriend but also stay dry. It may not be okay to go overboard drinking with your friends, but avoid any man that keeps you from having friends. Good luck! Hey Shy.

Iam no expert here, but it seems to me you need to build yourself a second group of (non-drinker) friends. This will help you keep a healthy social life apart from your boyfriend but also stay dry.
It may not be okay to go overboard drinking with your friends, but avoid any man that keeps you from having friends.
Good luck!

]]> By: shy http://www.planjam.com/weblog/2007/03/12/the-big-c-%e2%80%93-commitment/comment-page-1/#comment-22615 shy Sat, 09 Aug 2008 18:24:24 +0000 http://www.planjam.com/weblog/2007/03/12/the-big-c-%e2%80%93-commitment/#comment-22615 okay, i have a big problem and i need help. I just got out of a really bad abusive relationship of ten years. I met this guy that took me and my four kids in to his home and is supporting us. i do work and help when i can. Him and i connected the first time we met and deep down inside i know he is the one that i want to spend the rest of my life with, but all i seem to do is hurt him all the time. We have been together for about 5 months now. which to me is not long but i really want this to work out. there are things i use to do in my past (drink, party) that is unacceptable in his life. He is a recovering alcholic of 17 years and i dont want to live like i use to i want to be able to be the one in his life forever but i keep going back to my friends and every once in awhile i will drink again. It hurts him cause i am choosing them over him. i want to show him that i care and that i love him.. Maybe i dont know how.... i guess my question is..... how can i show him that i do care for him.. how can i show my emotions and feelings? im always angry and i get mad at him very quickly, im seeing a therapist right now hoping that he can help me.. i just dont want to lose him. I am suprised he is still here for me as much as i pushed him away. Why do i do these things??? please help shy okay, i have a big problem and i need help. I just got out of a really bad abusive relationship of ten years. I met this guy that took me and my four kids in to his home and is supporting us. i do work and help when i can. Him and i connected the first time we met and deep down inside i know he is the one that i want to spend the rest of my life with, but all i seem to do is hurt him all the time. We have been together for about 5 months now. which to me is not long but i really want this to work out. there are things i use to do in my past (drink, party) that is unacceptable in his life. He is a recovering alcholic of 17 years and i dont want to live like i use to i want to be able to be the one in his life forever but i keep going back to my friends and every once in awhile i will drink again. It hurts him cause i am choosing them over him. i want to show him that i care and that i love him.. Maybe i dont know how…. i guess my question is….. how can i show him that i do care for him.. how can i show my emotions and feelings? im always angry and i get mad at him very quickly, im seeing a therapist right now hoping that he can help me.. i just dont want to lose him. I am suprised he is still here for me as much as i pushed him away. Why do i do these things???

please help
shy

]]> By: Charisse http://www.planjam.com/weblog/2007/03/12/the-big-c-%e2%80%93-commitment/comment-page-1/#comment-16104 Charisse Wed, 13 Feb 2008 00:19:37 +0000 http://www.planjam.com/weblog/2007/03/12/the-big-c-%e2%80%93-commitment/#comment-16104 Hi Laurie, My advice is to tell him exactly how you feel. First, I see two things here- your boyfriend is not listening to your needs, and your boyfriend is not listening to your needs. Ok, you mentioned that your boyfriend is the type that thinks two people shouldn't be engaged until they are through with school and have their careers in order. From my perspective, here is where the real problem is. You don't agree with that thinking. You need the engagement to know that you are really a committed couple. In all honesty, your boyfriend needs to know how you feel. And yes, if your boyfriend can't give you the commitment that you need while he is in school, then I would get out of the relationship. He is the one who needs to assure you of his commitment, and quite frankly, if he is going to go to law school and not give you that level of commitment, I would wonder what he was intending to do at law school. If he isn't ready to commit to you before going to school, then he may be still looking for another relationship- and if that's the case- you have every right to know that. It isn't right for you to be committed while he's in school if he's still looking around at his options. So, I would have a very long discussion with him, and if he isn't going to propose before school, I'd tell him that you'll have see if your still available for marriage after he graduates! Hi Laurie,

My advice is to tell him exactly how you feel. First, I see two things here- your boyfriend is not listening to your needs, and your boyfriend is not listening to your needs.
Ok, you mentioned that your boyfriend is the type that thinks two people shouldn't be engaged until they are through with school and have their careers in order. From my perspective, here is where the real problem is. You don't agree with that thinking. You need the engagement to know that you are really a committed couple. In all honesty, your boyfriend needs to know how you feel. And yes, if your boyfriend can't give you the commitment that you need while he is in school, then I would get out of the relationship.
He is the one who needs to assure you of his commitment, and quite frankly, if he is going to go to law school and not give you that level of commitment, I would wonder what he was intending to do at law school.
If he isn't ready to commit to you before going to school, then he may be still looking for another relationship- and if that's the case- you have every right to know that.
It isn't right for you to be committed while he's in school if he's still looking around at his options.
So, I would have a very long discussion with him, and if he isn't going to propose before school, I'd tell him that you'll have see if your still available for marriage after he graduates!

]]> By: Laurie http://www.planjam.com/weblog/2007/03/12/the-big-c-%e2%80%93-commitment/comment-page-1/#comment-15370 Laurie Sat, 26 Jan 2008 00:07:47 +0000 http://www.planjam.com/weblog/2007/03/12/the-big-c-%e2%80%93-commitment/#comment-15370 Alright, so I need some help in deciding what to do about my situation. First let me start off with my backgroud. I am a 21 year old student in college. I have been dating this really great guy for the past six months. Before we started dating we were really close friends for about a year. I actually ended my relationship with my previous boyfriend of two years, to date this guy, because I felt such a strong connection. We recently had a discussion reguarding our future together. He plans on going to Law School when he graduates in a year and a half, and I plan on getting a job once I have graduated. His family lives about three hours away from where we go to school, and I think that he would most likely select a law school close to his family when he chooses one. I am really bad at uncertainty in my life. It is a bad attribute I know, but I thrive on knowing my life plan and having things figured out. So when we talked about him going away, I naturally would want to become engaged before he left. We will have been dating for two years by then, and I would want that level of commitment from him if we are going to live apart. He however has been raised that people do not get engaged or married until they are done in school and have solid careers. My chief concern with this is that I will wait for him to be ready to comitt to me and I will have missed out on chances with other guys that I work with and go to school with. I love my boyfriend very much, but I am worried that he may be the type to postpone marriage until he is 28 or even 30. I don't know if I should hope that he would come around and meet me in the middle, or if I should just count my losses and get out before we get too deeply involved. He loves me very much and has communicated with me that he wants to have a future with me, but at the same time if he is so sure I am "the one" then I don't understand why we would have to date for 6 or 7 years before we got married. Am I over thinking this or should I save myself the years of dating and find someone who is where I am at in life? Please help!! Thanks Alright, so I need some help in deciding what to do about my situation. First let me start off with my backgroud. I am a 21 year old student in college. I have been dating this really great guy for the past six months. Before we started dating we were really close friends for about a year. I actually ended my relationship with my previous boyfriend of two years, to date this guy, because I felt such a strong connection. We recently had a discussion reguarding our future together. He plans on going to Law School when he graduates in a year and a half, and I plan on getting a job once I have graduated. His family lives about three hours away from where we go to school, and I think that he would most likely select a law school close to his family when he chooses one. I am really bad at uncertainty in my life. It is a bad attribute I know, but I thrive on knowing my life plan and having things figured out. So when we talked about him going away, I naturally would want to become engaged before he left. We will have been dating for two years by then, and I would want that level of commitment from him if we are going to live apart. He however has been raised that people do not get engaged or married until they are done in school and have solid careers. My chief concern with this is that I will wait for him to be ready to comitt to me and I will have missed out on chances with other guys that I work with and go to school with. I love my boyfriend very much, but I am worried that he may be the type to postpone marriage until he is 28 or even 30. I don't know if I should hope that he would come around and meet me in the middle, or if I should just count my losses and get out before we get too deeply involved. He loves me very much and has communicated with me that he wants to have a future with me, but at the same time if he is so sure I am "the one" then I don't understand why we would have to date for 6 or 7 years before we got married. Am I over thinking this or should I save myself the years of dating and find someone who is where I am at in life? Please help!! Thanks

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