PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

I have always been one of those guys who pays for everything…it makes me happy when I can take a girl out and show her a good time. Over the years, the majority of girls that I have dated appreciated everything I did, while a few couldn’t care less. It has never really been about the money though, I really do have a lot to offer in a relationship and I never wanted to be remembered for only taking a girl out and spending money on her. Nevertheless, it’s still nice when someone appreciates the things you do and shows it once in a while.

For instance, I never let my girlfriend pay unless she really insists on it. And when I say insist, I mean she literally jumps in front of me at the register and shoves her credit card at the cashier. You know, I really admire her for doing that. She knows that money is a little tight these days and she genuinely wants to help out. At the same time, I can’t help but remember another girl that I dated while I was in College.

The entire time I dated this girl, not once did she offer to pay for anything. She said that she couldn’t afford to pay because she didn’t have a job, and yet she would be purchasing designer clothing and handbags on a weekly basis. Now I am faced with a dilemma; do I call her out on how she had $1,200 to spend on a Louis Vuitton handbag and doesn’t have money to buy me a cup of coffee? Or should I just keep it to myself and let it go? I am not one to hold things back so I did confront her about it. She tells me that her parents (she was living at home) give her money to buy these items but that they refuse to give her money to go out. How does that make sense? And even if it is true, couldn’t you put aside $10 to get me a latte and a muffin?

Actually I take it back; she did pay on one occasion. We went out for lunch to a diner and she offered to pick up the check for our meal. As soon as we walked out the door and I was about to say thank you for lunch, she turns to me and says “You’re f*cking welcome”. She didn’t even give me a chance to say “Thank You” and then she jumps down my throat as if she just did some remarkable favor (lunch was $20 for the two of us).

A few weeks later she got a retail job in order to start saving for a new car. I spoke to her one evening and mentioned (as a joke) that since she now has a job, she could take me out once in a while. She responds by saying, “No I still can’t. I need to save up my money and that would be a waste”. I will leave what happened next up to your imagination.

I never go into any relationship (romantic or platonic) with my guard up. Even though I have had some pretty tough experiences over the years in both areas, I still like to believe that there are people out there who are genuine, honest, and truly care about your well being. Although I start every relationship with a clean slate, I am now acute to those early warning signs that would have gone unnoticed in the past.

I honestly believe that these horrific relationships/experiences are a rite of passage; so that when the right person does comes along, we can notice and appreciate them for all the little things that they do.