planning mode
dating scene
- No related posts
You and your significant other recently ended the relationship. You’re hurt, sad, angry, and just don’t know how you will ever get over the break up. There are very few things in life that can be as painful as a broken heart. So what should you do when faced with such a difficult time in your life?
The first thing any break up will do is cause emotional and mental distress. Therefore, the best thing to do is to talk to somebody about what you’re going through and how you’re feeling. Venting out will help to release all the built-up stress, anger, sadness, and worries. If you find yourself uncomfortable speaking to somebody, write it down on a sheet of paper, in a personal diary or journal. The worst thing you can do is to internalize all of the negative feelings. It is so important to just let it all out.
Because you’re emotionally susceptible during this time, do not play the “Let’s try to be friends” game. This will only make things harder on you. You will never get over somebody if you do not have time away from that person to recover. This also means deleting your ex’s contact information from your phone, email, instant messenger, and Myspace account. You’ll only end up foolishly and regretfully drunk dialing him/her one night, or sending a pathetic email. The instant messenger and Myspace account is especially dangerous because you will end up spying on your ex. Furthermore, get rid of everything that will remind you of your past relationship. For example, avoid going to places where you will likely have a run-in with your former partner, get rid of old emails, love letters, pictures, etc. Reminiscing about the past won’t bring your ex back. It will only harbor greater heartache and animosity.
One of the biggest mistakes people make after a bad break up is to jump into another relationship. Some do it to get their former loves jealous, while others do it because they are feeling lonely. This is a bad idea – you will only end up surfacing your insecurities and selfishness onto your new relationship. Rather, take your mind off the break up by being proactive in your life – pick up a new hobby, or simply enjoy some quality time with friends. Find something positive and fun to do that will keep you occupied during your time of need.
In short, breakups are never easy, but that’s no excuse for you to mope around, feeling sorry for yourself all day. Sure, give yourself a few days to do so, but after that, get up and start fresh. Talk to somebody about how you feel, be heard. That always helps a lot. Remember to avoid any contact with your ex and get rid of old memorabilia from the relationship (out of sight means out of mind). Though you may wonder if you will ever get over the hurt, just have patience. Time heals all wounds – that is a fact.
Courtesy: Elizabeth Nobukuni
(1 votes, average: 5 out of 5)
Loading ...
(On May 21st, 2007 at 5:08 am)
You are very correct about what people should be aware of after a break-up. People need to look outward instead of inward and do for others during these times. This will enrich their being and help the healing.
(On May 29th, 2007 at 1:06 am)
this is excellent advice i felt like i had done everything to try get over him but nothing seemed to work it felt bizaare iv been talkin to friends going out and even tried meeting new people but nothing he has still constantly been in my head i deleted him from my space but reinvited him when i missed him to much i deleted his number but got it from a friend on a drunk night and sent him stupid texts which just ened up in a fight and i deleted his email address but got in on a website….we live in a small community and he is everywhere i go and is friends with all my friendsand even my family so its been really difficult everyday i would send hima text and try make converstaion with him but it all turned bad.i mad a final decision 3 days ago to delete every piece of information that would lead to him and just promise to myself that i will not contact him…well so far its working!thank you
(On May 29th, 2007 at 8:49 pm)
I was dating a guy for the last six months. We broke up several times, only to get back together after a brief time apart. (It seemed as though we only got back together so that we could break up again!) We seemed to agree on all of the big stuff, but bickered and fought over the stupid little things. I cant help but wonder if there was some underlying issue.
His personality and mine did not match. Two weeks ago, I told him that I had enough and that it wouldnt work. He cried and told me that he thought I was "it" for him and that he had never told anyone that before. After shedding some tears, we decided to give it another shot and look into couples counseling. We seemed happy - for about 5 hours - - when the bickering started up again. A week later it was his turn to tell me that it was over. I cried as he stood there stone-faced. I attempted to call him over the next several days, only for my calls to go unanswered and unreturned. I ran into him at a bar over the weekend and he barely acknowledged me.
As a last resort, I showed up on his doorstep today over lunch. We both acknowledged that we missed each other but long story short, he told me that he was intimate with someone else over the weekend. This crushed me. He said that we were broken up, and it was his meger way of attempting to get over me. I couldnt help but feel as though he cheated on me. Yes, we were broken up - but we had broken up many times before only to reconcile a very short time later. I gathered the strength to stop crying, told him that I hoped that he thought it was worth it as he ruined any possible opportunity of getting back with me.
(On June 21st, 2007 at 7:48 am)
My boyfriend of 2yrs were out last Saturday night having a good time, and drunkenly started talking about marriage - which seemed to just open a can of worms - and ended in him saying he didn't see us working out.
We'd lived together for the past 6months. So the following Monday I asked some girlfriends to help me, and I moved out all my stuff while he was out and moved back with my parents.
I switched my mobile off and gave it to my best friend, so I wouldn't be tempted to ring or text begging for him back. I had a weak moment and emailed him on Tues, but it didn't clear anything up.
Then this (Thurs) morning I rung him crying - we talked for bout 30mins, but again nothing was sorted.
So I have decided to be really strong and just leave him alone completely! If he changes his mind and realises what a HUGE mistake he's made - then he has a big hill to climb! Otherwise - I'll just wait till I meet Mr Amazing - so I've booked up to go speed dating, concerts and meet up with friends! I will move on - it's just a very long and painful trip!
(On June 21st, 2007 at 12:37 pm)
Hey Natalie,
That's a fantastic idea and I am glad to see that you're taking the right approach in dealing with the situation. It's hard to imagine it right now, but things will get better in time. Time has a funny way of making things better again.
It's be a tough journey but you'll wake up one morning and it'll all be behind you (well at least most of it).
(On June 26th, 2007 at 10:39 pm)
You know this is so true when they say you need to take photos off walls or icons, delete pics of you (if that was a nasty break up), delete emails, phone numbers (umm what if i member it by heart?), etc. This all helps, but what if it wasnt a mutual break up? Meaning what if you two are not officially apart, because you didnt even talk about yet. Its just one of you dont see it go anywhere. Like i havent heard from my bf for a good week. Me being in a service and being almost over with my term I made up my mind on gettin out, while last email he wrote me stated that he is interested suddenly in joining. Its a bad idea because i met him when i had about year or 2 left, now that i am almost out in few months i know i am going to be with him and he decides to joing service out of nowhere. Dont know what to think and of course like anyone else i would write him back saying how i support him but i think its not a good idea, etc. He not writing me explains that he dont really give a f*** and never really loved me. And all the things he said to me before…….Jesus! So now in a situation like this, do i delete/throw away all his emails, pictures, stuff i got from him, etc. ??? Or i am jumping to a conclusion too fast and i need to wait for him to finally say something a month later? Help… Totally confused!
(On June 27th, 2007 at 9:23 am)
Hi Nana,
I am sorry to hear that while you are serving our country, you have to deal with this stress from your boyfriend. Is this the same guy who had the folder named Monique? If so, I think it might be best if you just let things rest between you two for a while. It may be hard, but you only have a little while left in the military and you deserve to come home, take it easy, and be happy.
With so much confusion that has been taking place between the two of you, and now his wanting to join when you are ready to come home, there is definitely a lot of uncertainty taking place.
Really, you don’t need this added aggravation in your life. I don’t think you are jumping to conclusions, since he sent you that email.
I wouldn’t waste my time on him. He doesn’t seem to respect your feelings, and you have every right to express to him how you felt about him joining the service, especially when you are coming home.
If it were me, I would say, “good riddance” and move on. I wouldn’t wait for him to contact you again, or try to apologize for the things he said.
If he wants to join the service then good for him. But personally, I think it is rude for him not to listen to your feelings, or try to join when you are coming back.
Your paths in life keep missing each other, I would stay on the road that you are on, and let him find his own way. If that means getting rid of all of his stuff to make it easier for you, then do it. But no, you aren’t jumping to conclusions; he isn’t treating you with the respect that you deserve.
Take care of yourself.
(On July 6th, 2007 at 1:59 pm)
My girlfriend broke up with me in January- Even though we had been dating for about four and half years. She was my high school lover. And then one night she went home after a good christmas date which was amazing. She went home and I got on MSN, she had a quote on her PM from a reliant k song about breaking up. I talked to her and I have no idea what happened. I guess she talked to her parents and they taught her about how my religion worshiped the devil….and she actually belived them. Nothing I could say could change anything. Im a good practicing Christian not a devil worshipper. We broke up that night. Followed by the worst 3 months of my life where she would tell me that she still loved me and then blow me off again. Im still not over her. Anyway thats not my point. I just wanted to say that I thought that this was a great article because its 100% true. When I read the part about spying it struck me on the side of the head. I always find myself reading her PM's on msn (which…brings back horrible memories as well) glancing at her photos. Looking at her myspace to see if theres any new guys on her top friends…that i need to beat up (jk). But I took her off my top friends finally… just to make it harder to see her page. We have has some good conversations since then that were friendly but I just cant seem to shake the heartbreak.
(On July 6th, 2007 at 10:04 pm)
Hi John,
I’m sorry to hear about you and your ex, but you are doing the right thing. Taking her off of your top friends list was a good move. I know it is hard, but you will get over the heartbreak in time. I am sure that it didn’t help since you two had an "on again-off again" relationship. The best thing that you can do is find other things to distract your attention. Spend as much time with your friends as you can, and you'll find that in time, you'll be over the heartbreak - I promise.
(On July 23rd, 2007 at 10:23 pm)
Hey,
I am involved with this guy Joe for a year a half and he doesnt want any commiment. So now i just told Joe that my "new boyfriend"that really doesn't exist found out about me and Joe and i can't see him anymore because i am not willing to loose my "boyfriend" over him.
I really love Joe. Do you think joe will come back to me?
(On July 25th, 2007 at 8:33 pm)
Hey,
I am 15 years old, and had my first relationship with a guy. He is 18 now, and took my virginity. I thought he loved me and I told him that I wanted to lose my virginity to the right guy who loved me and wsa going to marry me. He told me there would never be anyone else for him and that he loved and wanted to marry me. After I lost it to him, he didnt contact me for 2 days, then he sent me a myspace message breaking up with me. Now he's wanting other girls and it is killing me since I lost it to him. He deleted me and blocked me on aim and myspace, and wont return my texts/phone calls and it is literally killing me. I thouhgt he truley loved me, and the memories me and him have are amazing. I just am living in denial right now thinking he will call and want to be with me again, but I don't see that happening. I still can view his myspace even though he deleted me from it, and I get annoyed when I see these girls "commenting" him and that he has them on his "top 8". I also know his yahoo password to find out his myspace password, but I haven't gotten on his myspace account because I feel that I would only find stuff that would make me feel even worse. I wish I could stop thinking about him and get over him. I always did hear that getting over your first love was very tough..but I never thought it would be this hard! Please help me =\
(On July 25th, 2007 at 8:47 pm)
Also, he is now going around telling people that he dumped me because I "didn't know what I was doing during sex". That really hurts my feelings because it was my first time..how did he expect me to be? I was scared and worried about getting pregnant. I just cant believe he would do that to me.
(On July 25th, 2007 at 11:23 pm)
Hi Jenna,
I am so sorry to hear about what happened. Unfortunately, many girls go through this same problem. The reason is that guys who get involved in a relationship at a relatively young age (yes, 18 is young) don’t really know what they want, and they subsequently end up making stupid decisions. Sometimes guys think with their…well you know what, and not with their heads.
It’s horrible that he hurt you the way that he did, but let this incident serve as a learning experience for you to become wiser. You seem like a nice girl, so don’t think twice about getting back together with him. You don’t deserve to be treated with such disrespect and lack of integrity. You’re better than that.
I know you are hurting, but be strong. Nothing positive can come out of you moping around, hoping that he’ll come back to you. To be completely honest, it’s very unlikely that he’ll really come back at all…so there’s no need to keep that hope burning inside of you. And even if he did come crawling back, you wouldn’t want to be with someone like that anyways.
As far as his MySpace goes, the last thing you want to do is snoop through his account; you’ll only end up hurting yourself even more. It’s best to lose all contact with him. Remember, with time, things will get better, but you must take the initiative to accept what happened and move on with your life.
Go out with friends, spend some time with family, experiment with new hobbies, or simply go for a run. The most important thing right now is that you surround yourself with people who care about you. Keep yourself busy…anything to keep your mind off of him is key – a healthy mind is a healthy life.
Things can only get better from here. You’re young and resilient, and thus, you will move on and meet an amazing person who deserves you. I want to assure you that there are guys out there who will love you and treat you with respect. Although this particular incident didn’t turn out too well, don’t let it keep you from opening up to others in the future.
I wish you the best of luck and I’m always here if you need more advice.
(On August 5th, 2007 at 2:39 pm)
Hi Jenna,
I am so sorry to hear this happened to you, thats horrible. A very similar thing happened to me. I met this guy who was older and in college and I liked him and I thought he liked me, and I lost my virginity to him. He continued to use me for sex basically for almost a year. I haven't seen/ spoken to him for six months, but when I think of him, a lot sometimes, I feel sick to my stomach. What I did recently though is I wrote everything down, every little thing I could remember he did from the moment we first met to the last time we spoke. It really helped me, and I didn't re read it. I wrote it out like a letter that maybe I will give him someday, I haven't yet decided. Time heals, I used to hear that and get annoyed when I heard it, but it's true, stay busy too. Trust me these helped me so much, and I met a guy who treats me like a queen, and when you find someone new who treats you well, you'll laugh at the memory of him, because you'll realize that you are worth so much, and he is nothing. Good luck and I hope this helps to know that you are not alone that it happens to so many girls, even some friends of mine as well, it's really sad.
(On August 30th, 2007 at 1:51 pm)
I am 50 I was with the same man for 33 years.
We divorced, I moved to a new town to start new.
Within two months I met a man… He was very nice
I was instantly attracted to him.
He asked me out and we dated and did fun things
together… He would approach me for sex but I would
state that I am not ready yet, but I wanted him so after about 5 dates I slept with him.
We moved fast… He said that he cared and wanted
me to live with him ( we lived in the same apartment duplex that he owned and that he would even go to his lawyer and make sure that it was set up if anything happen to him I would stay in his (now our) home until I decided to move or death… I believed him..
I never knew anyone could change there mind about
caring for someone…
He would do such sweet things. I fell in love
I am like those younger writers… I fell harder
than I could possible dream.
We connected so well, talks foods life
Then out of the blue he said that he didn't care
like I cared and that he didn't see a Future with me.
I am crushed,,, I moved…. he moved in an Ex girlfriend then I moved in my ex
(thinking that would help me stay away from the lover)
and because something I hadn't felt in a long time crept in… Fear of loneiness… This fear just took over… To be dumped cause me hurt and fear.
Well that didn't work… Lover called and stated he
missed me,,, I went right back… because I missed him
He said that he realized that he missed and did care
for me… Long story short this has happen 4 times know… I minute he cares the next he doens't
I will learn to leave him alone… But it is hard
because he felt so right..
I see him alot because we live in a small town…
It makes it hard…
But again to the point… He dished me and that
does hurt…
I maybe 50… but I am naive…
I will take the advise and not call or see him..
But he has a habit or finding me after a few months
and he has a silver tongue… It will be hard
But I will walk away this time…
Thanks
(On August 30th, 2007 at 1:57 pm)
Why do people do this…
That keeps us tied up with an emotion that
needs to end….
Say they care then say they don't
make moves like they care
make moves like they don't
I hurt I'm lonely and keeping busy
hasn't help much…
I feel in love it never hurt so bad…
(On September 3rd, 2007 at 3:44 pm)
Soi have been wit my boyfriend 2 and a half years we have had ou arguements and broke up but we always got back 2getha with in a few days the other day he asked me 2 meet up with me and we did and he told me he had slept with another girl but had been drinkin lots and wish he hadnt done it and wants get back with me. I dont know what 2 say as i feel like he cheated on me but i know he hasnt because we had broke up I lv him and he has never cheated on me when goin out but i want no why did he sleep with her and not make 100% we was broke up 4 gd as he normally tries sort it out but did this the next day after sleepin with her he says he loves me and it was a mistake do u fink its true?
(On September 8th, 2007 at 8:00 pm)
Hi Ellen,
I understand how hurt you must have been when your boyfriend told you that he had slept with someone else. However, I do think you should give him credit for being honest with you, and not trying to keep his error a secret. That is a good sign that he will be honest with you, and is a commendable quality.
It seems that your boyfriend should take a look at his drinking. Does he think that he drinks to much? If he is drinking and sleeping with people that he doesn’t want to, then he may need to address how much he drinks and work on that. If you want to give him a second chance, I think that you should. However, I think you should address his drinking and be certain that he takes steps to make sure that he never ends up in a situation like that again due to excessive drinking.
(On September 9th, 2007 at 1:53 pm)
Whats the deal with my ex's stuff? Should i return it to her?
(On September 9th, 2007 at 4:57 pm)
What kind of stuff are we talking about? If you guy's lived together and she left furniture or clothing at your place, then yes…you should return it to her.
If you're referring to sentimental items like gifts, letters or pictures, you really have two options. You can keep these items stored in your favorite shoe box or you can simply discard them. If you do decide to keep them, then it's almost as if you're still trying to hold on to your relationship. Let's be honest, it's not like your going to be showing your children pictures of your ex-girlfriend…so really, what's the point in keeping them around?
(On September 22nd, 2007 at 10:54 pm)
I'm a 24-year old male. I waited to lose my virginity until I was 21 (girl was also a 21-year-old virgin). We dated happily for over a year until she abruptly broke up with me. There was never any closure. I moved out of the city, state & region, discarded personal items, and deleted myspace & facebook accounts. I have taken up an array of hobbies, adopted a pet, and have been on a handful of (worthless) dates. I still think about her every day. It's been 2 years since the breakup. I've pretty much lost faith that I will ever move on and will be genuinely be "date-able" again. I thought after this long I would be alright but I fear I'm becoming even more withdrawn. Any thoughts or advice?
(On September 23rd, 2007 at 9:15 pm)
Hi DLE,
If after two years you are still feeling a strong commitment to your ex girlfriend, you may want to let her know how you feel. Since you said that you haven’t had any real closure I think your problem may be that you need it. Is it possible for you to write her a letter and let her know how much you miss her? Sometimes there is truth to the saying, “Separation makes the heart grow fonder.” and it may just be that this separation has revealed to you how strong your feelings for her truly are. However, at this point you must come to terms with the fact that she may be completely over you, and not set your hopes up to high for a reconciliation. Yet, if after two years you still have strong feelings, you owe it to yourself to let her know how you feel and see if there is any hope for reconciliation.
It isn’t uncommon for people to get back together after lengthy separations. Just know that if she doesn’t have the same feelings, that you did all you could, and that it is time to let go, completely.
Good luck and let me know how it goes.
(On September 29th, 2007 at 10:10 am)
I had been going out with my boyfriend for about a year. and we had this on and off relationship but it was me doing the breaking up. and practically a day later we'd get back together. I had never really been in an intense relationship before and not to try to sound smug but this boy was head over heels for me. so i assumed hed always be.hed always talk about the future and how he loved me so much and how i was the only one for him. and how hed never be the one to break up with me. SO during out relationship i cheated on him when i went on vacation for a month. and although thats no excuse I ended up telling him cause i felt bad. he broke up with me for about 30 seconds and then said he couldnt do it so we started dating again, thats when he began to be controlling always saying i couldnt go to functions without him and always calling me bringing up when i cheated on him all the time even though he said he was over it. and dont get me wrong I would feel devistated if I was in his position but IF he chose to stay wth me after i told him its his initiative to get over it. So anways our relationship began going downhill our trust with eachother was terrible. because i started getting caught up with all his over protectiveness, we were fighting constantly and near the end it seemed like he had little repsect for me. he constantly started lieing to me and hanging out with other girls, but it wasnt just as friends he would full on hit on them. Finally i was going insane i didnt know what to do this wasnt the guy i had started to date, it almost felt like roles were switched finally he broke up with me during the summer and treated me like shit, would call me a slut, say that he hated me and so on. Of course the idiot that i am took his emotional abuse and still liked him. finally i decided to end all contact this lasted for about a month before he started being all friendly again to me. so i decided to give it another chance, but once he knew he was given another chance he went back to the same antics. Finally at the end of august i had at least given him a trillion chances in which he fucked up all of them. So at the end of August I was jumping this fence to go meet him on the other side. I landed on my ankle funny and ended up breaking it. I was sitting there bawling my eyes out because I didnt know what I just did. He came over and said that I was faking it for attention and that he couldnt deal with it and left. So for someone who says that they care about you and still love you which he did over the summer he even told me he wanted to ask me out again. he wouldnt of left me there and that just showed me how little of respect he had for me I ended up crawling home. I havnt spoken to him for a month. hes called me non stop sending me txts saying how hes changed and how much he misses me and he needs me and so on. I dont understand what hes doing. So finally one day once again the idiot that I am decided to meet with him in person. He was nice and so on said he missed me again said that he still liked me he apologized for doing what he did and realized that was the meanest thing hes ever dont to anyone. but that we couldnt date cause my parents would kill him (no doubt). but that over time mabey that could be changed. Once I started giving my opinion about how i cant just forgive him with a simple sorry that its alot easier saying that doing. that i needed to SEE him change I needed proof. and that he can do what he wants but that im not giving him another chance. So he begged me ALL week to hang out with him on friday saying that he wanted to show me how hes changed. So finally friday came and he said he couldnt hang out made up some bullshit story and that was it. I just dont get it its like If i tell him no he beggs me but if i agree with him he takes advantage of it and treats me like shit. Im finding it so difficult to get over him and youd think the whole leaving me there with a broken ankle would of done it well it did but then we goes and tells me all that caring stuff and im stupid for believing it. I find that once i start getting over him he calls me and my mind starts wondering what he wants and its just not fair. Ive told him to stay out of my life, he agrees but in a weeks time calls or txts me again. I just want to move on. he was emotionally and physically abusive. and I cant deal with this tug of war any longer.
(On October 1st, 2007 at 4:31 pm)
Hi Julia,
I understand the confusion and turmoil that you are going through. I think you need to forget about him and move on. Don’t take his calls, don’t answer his text messages, ignore him until he goes away. I don’t believe he loves you, cares about you, or is concerned for your well being; that was evident by him leaving you with a broken ankle. You can forgive him and make peace for what he has done, but he clearly isn’t the guy for you. You deserve a man who will pick you up and carry you, even if you were faking for attention. However, the truth is that you weren’t faking and he wasn’t there for you. That is unacceptable.
I think that he is playing games with you because he is still angry that you cheated on him. I think the reason he plays these games is to build up his ego, because he knows that you crushed it. Like you said, he was the one who agreed to restore the relationship, but he can’t let that happen. Therefore you don’t need to feel guilty about ending it completely. You deserve better than what this guy is giving you.
My advice is to move on, say good riddance, and stop climbing emotional fences to try and reach him; he isn’t going to catch you when you fall.
Good luck!
(On October 3rd, 2007 at 1:09 pm)
So can someone please tell me how to get over the love of my life when our relationship was very traumatic and painful for both of us, and we lived next door to each other? (He was in the next apt. building over)
He moved to another state three months ago(with another girl, but no one really thinks it's going to work) but I still have to live there and be reminded of him and everything that happened every single day. He did call me after he moved but didn't leave a message. Anyway, it isn't feasible for me to move for another 6 months. So I just don't know what to do.
(On October 3rd, 2007 at 3:21 pm)
thanks i know what your saying is the right decisions just sometimes you need to hear it from a complete stranger rather than yourself and your friends. but your completley right and deep down i know that also, I think i was just reminicing on all the posatives we used to share and thats not healthy because there are SO many negatives involved in that relationship. its just hard to overcome a break up. but with time itll subdue i guessss haha i just hate what it involves but who doesnt.
(On October 26th, 2007 at 11:33 am)
I first meet my friend harley when i was 16 years old we dated 2 times when i was 16 and i broke up with him both times becasue he never spent anytime with me. I then meet a man named james i got pregnet by james and then got married. I was married for 5 years and just got divorced. But even thow i was married all that time harley and i kept in contact, he was always there for me as a friend. When i got divorced from my ex we started dating again. Threw the whole realtionship is was hard and we argued all the time over stupid stuff. We broke up a couple of times over stupid stuff as always. I always gave him my all and i felt he didnt do that for me, but i stayed around i quess not to be lonley but who dosnt want to lonley. Three weeks ago he broke up with me and said he wanted to start from scrath but since then he always brings up the past and eveything that i did wrong or didnt do he calls me everyday and still talken about everything that i did wrong—as they say it takes 2 to make a thing go wrong and 2 to make a thing go wright. He never looked at what he did wrong. I miss him and stil want to be with him the way we where when we where 16 but that won't happen so what ever may be will be thats how i look at it.
(On October 29th, 2007 at 2:41 pm)
I must admit I'm having some trouble letting go of a bad relationship. I met this woman through a net dating service 4 months after my ex wife and I split up after 27 years. We've dated for over 2 years now and she just broke up with me for the 8th time. It seems to be her answer to conflict, as is demonstrated by her 3 previous divorces. She is erratic, abrasive and overly critical of nearly everything, but at the same time, she touches a place in me that I didn't know existed. The previous 7 breakups were reconciled mainly through my efforts, with the longest (8 weeks) being a situation where she verbally and emotionally abused me for the entire time prior to coming back. I cannot put myself through that kind of torture ever again. It has started to look that that is what is in store for me so I've decided that I need to cut her off completely. The problem is that I let her become such a huge part of my world that I feel like someone let the air out of me. All I had was my job, my son 1/2 time, and her. Most of my friends went away with the divorce so I now have an empty house to go home to and not even anyone to call. I pay huge alimony so travel or new hobbies aren't in the cards. Perhaps just expressing what I'm feeling on this anonymous medium will help, at least for today. I suppose it may come down to the fact that I married at a very young age and have never been alone. And I've put up with an abusive relationship in the belief that anything is better than the alternative. I'm now rethinking that position. Wish me luck.
(On November 23rd, 2007 at 12:56 pm)
hey…my problem is..is that im 19..ive been on dates with men…but none of them gave me that feeling where i fancied them! this one man..went to my shcool…hes 22.. hes friends with my best friends brother…since i was 16 we spoke as friends..and went on one date but i ended it as he was too old and it was just compecated..hes was on my mind ever since! we finally got together about to years ago! and i have never been so obsessed with anyone ever in my life!! he planned to go away this january…and in june said he had lost feeling for me and couldnt cope with being with me anymore…i tryed to get him back but he just didnt want to! he said i was too paranoid..too young for him n hes going traveling! recently he started speakin to me on the msn…then we seen eachother out in a club n u couldnt get us away from eachother..we were so hapy talking together! then after that day he was texting me constatly asking to see me..i kept sayin no…but finally agreed..he kissed me..but said he didnt think he was coming back from where hes traveling to! after that he still text me askin to see me so i did again n he said he just loves being with me… but is not trying to get back with me!! i cant stop crying…i was never over him..i dont feel that theres a point in living without him! i told him that he needs to decided what he wants…and since then he has not text..n when ive texted him hes text back just being lovely…but abit off!! seriously whats going on in his head and what can i do…im so unhappy i wake up crying! i actually cannot live without him!!
(On November 26th, 2007 at 4:04 pm)
I actually thought being 40 would make a person better prepaired for the bad side of a relationship. I have been with my wife for 7 years and we have had our ups and downs for the most part things were great. I deployed to Iraq and am 8 months in to a year log deployment. I know it had to be tough on her with me being gone for so long but it didn't seem to take long till she started pulling away from me. Its hard enough being over here but it's even harded being over here and losing every thing that mean any thing to you. She said she is just lonly. So i guess shee got too lonly and decided she couldn't wait 4 months till i got home and decided to move on. No matter how old you are, it can't prepair you for the heartbreak of losing someone. I tell my self that i will make it and all the other stuff a person says to themselves to get through the pain. Some days are better than others.
(On December 1st, 2007 at 8:46 pm)
I love how this is titled how to get over your ex yet it really doesnt say anything about how to get over your ex.
sure, it tells you how to not stalk them, but not much else huh?
(On January 4th, 2008 at 1:15 pm)
My boyfriend and I have dated on and off for the past 3 years.I'm in 10th grade right now so we have been dateing since 8th…and we have been really serious. Well we always seem to fight though but its usually never over something big just something like not talking on the phone long enough. And well sometimes i just get really mad and cant hold in my feelings enough to be nice about it and i just let him have it. Well finally he called me and told me that he loved me but he loved himself more and couldnt put up with it anymore.He said i was hurting him too much. And yes it would take me all day to sit here and say all the wrong things ive done in our relationship , but he also told me that he loved me enough to stick with me through whatever because he couldnt afford to lose me again.And if he ment what he said i just dont understand how he can be soo serious about this. And it just kills me to know that this is serious and that we are actually breaking up. I just dont know what to do and i really need help!!Were both ganna be at some party in a few weeks and its ganna be awful because were going with different people. I want to make him jealous soo bad but i know that wouldnt be the right thing to do. Do you have any advice.???!thanks
(On February 6th, 2008 at 7:50 pm)
Hello I was with my girlfriend for a year and the first 6 months were good but we started having problems for the next 6 months i said some bad things for the simple fact that she has stopped paying attention to me. She still said she loved me but yet left me for another guy and said he treats her better and i truly loved her with all my heart. Can i get some kind of advice.
(On February 12th, 2008 at 4:09 pm)
Hi Mike,
My advice is to find something to occupy your time and just give it time. I know it sounds cliché, but it’s true- time really does heal all wounds. The best thing to do is find something to preoccupy your time while you heart heals. Don't worry, it will.
(On March 10th, 2008 at 12:38 pm)
Great article. I agree that taking care of yourself and looking out for number one are the important things along with keeping your distance from your ex - It's just too easy to be hurt even more if you keep close contact.
(On April 21st, 2008 at 5:49 am)
My gf and i just broke up after 30 years. I am just so sad. SOme times I just break down and start cvrying. I miss her so much. She was my life and now she is gone. I feel alone and hopless. I am 30 now and I feel like I really blew it with her. All i do is think about here. I go to sleep thinking about her and wake up thinking about her. This really sucks. I cant focus or anything. She has a new bf now and it is killing me inside.
(On April 21st, 2008 at 5:59 am)
Hi Jon,
I am so sorry to hear about your recent breakup. How long has it been since you two have broken up? I know it sounds cliche, but time does heal all wounds. You need to focus on yourself and make sure that you don't slip from grieving to depression. You also have to find some activities to engage in that will take your mind off of her. Maybe you'll feel better if you do something for yourself as well. Why not join a gym and workout, or get a haircut or new clothes. Exercise is an excellent way to start feeling better.
Hang in there, it will get better.
(On April 24th, 2008 at 1:51 pm)
I have been dating a guy off and on for 4 years , he will not return my calls or take my calls, so I guess that is it.He has always been very stubborn and critical of me. I have left some clothes and stuff at his house, Should I just forget it???
Oh and yes he is 57 years old !!!!
Your comments would be great!!!
(On April 24th, 2008 at 10:40 pm)
I am 19 years old. I had my 1st boyfriend when I was 11 on summer break in another country, and since then not a day has went by when I don't think about him. I continued to go back every summer and we always picked up right where we left off, until, that is, about 4 years ago. I haven't seen him in person for about 4 years. Communicating with each other was a bit hard because calling eachother was very expensive, although every now and then he did call. about 2 years ago he came to the U.S. for a couple of months, and got in contact with me right away. We talked everynight for a couple of hours. then he had to go back. he emailed me once, and then I moved, and i no longer use my old cell number. He hasn't emailed me in a bout a year. what should i do? i love him no less. but im afraid my pride keeps me from emailing him. i feel like i need closure. what if he got over me a long time ago? what would be the wise thing to email him? that is, if i should at all.
(On April 24th, 2008 at 10:53 pm)
oh, and no he's not dead. My aunts live in the same neighbor hood with him.
(On April 26th, 2008 at 2:26 am)
Jessica-
If a man wants you NOTHING can keep him away. If he doesn't want you NOTHING can make him stay.
Enjoy the experiences and memories you had together and let it go.If he hasn't emailed you in a year and isn't dead then he doesn't want you anymore but don't take it personal. It sounds like you have distance and time against you and there is nothing that can be done about that. You are young and you will meet someone again and maybe someone that lives nearby. Good luck and keep your chin up : )
(On May 30th, 2008 at 3:32 am)
I am having major issues getting over someone. We dated for two years and he treated me like gold. About seven months ago he broke up with me saying he couldn't see us getting married. We were living together and even when we were breaking up, he was saying that I was the only good thing in his day.
I cut off contact for the initial month and then he heard I had a major injury and wanted to take care of me. The first couple of days we hooked up, but I put a stop to it without a relationship. I had surgery and he helped a lot. Even months after the surgery he called everyday, although he didn't want to get back together. I felt like things were too confusing and I said I had to cut off ties again if we weren't going to be back together.
I cut off ties two months ago and since then I've heard he's got a new girlfriend. I'm hurt and angry. I felt like he kept me holding on while he slowly weaned himself off of me the past year. I can't stand the thought of him with someone else. I'm keeping myself busy with things I enjoy, but this feeling is awful. How do I get over this?
(On June 10th, 2008 at 9:37 pm)
Let me start off by saying that it is VERY comforting to know that I'm not alone in the heartache world!
Anyway here is my story….
I started dating my ex when I was 16, he was 15 and neither of us had ever been in any real type of relationship. In the beginning he seemed like a prince and made me feel like his main priority. We got very serious, very fast and I ended up losing my virginity to him. We dated my whole junior year in high school, but the summer before my senior year I noticed things going sour fast. He started disrespecting me in public and in front of his friends. He called me names behind my back and was always calling other girls when I wasn't around. Being young and in love I kept making excuses for him, telling myself that things would get better. Finally after being neglected for so long I broke up with him half way through my senior year. It was so difficult for me to function that I showed up at his doorstep the next day, begging for him back. That of course was the wrong decision because it made me look weak and it gave him power. He told me that he didn't see us getting back together, so I left feeling quilty for ever ending it. The next weeks that followed only got worse. He called me names in the halls as school, he posted a very rude group about me on Facebook. I found myself crying everyday and feeling like he had won. I was also crused because I found out that he had started dating someone new only a couple days after we broke up and they were already sleeping together. Feeling betrayed, I rebounded myself to a nice guy that seemed to make everything better. It only helped for awile until my ex started texting me saying he wanted me back. Things then became complicated because I took everything out on my new boyfriend. To make a long story short it is very hard to get over a love, especially if you were mentally abused like I was for so long. You can do it though! It's true when they say time heals everything. Even though rebounding is not healthy and I don't recommened it I am still with the guy I rebounded with! We have been together for 18 months and I believe he is the love of my life!
(On June 12th, 2008 at 8:30 am)
this is good advise but what if you are only a teen and have been in a relationship with the same guy for over 6 years???? How would you get over that
(On July 8th, 2008 at 11:46 am)
I dated a guy for 2 years and we recently moved into a place together, right after we moved in he broke up with me. We have cuddled and slept together a couple times after the breakup, but he is always distant the next day and says it was a mistake. It hurts like crazy, but I can't resist him. The problem is, I love him alot still and since we live together I can't get away, we also work at the same place. He has made it clear he does not want me back, how do I move on, or make him interested again? I go out and do my own things, but sometimes I just want to stay home.
(On July 9th, 2008 at 9:57 am)
the only way to get over someone.
is to cut all contact with them.
no texts no emails no nothing.
its kind of harsh but its the truth.
maybe after 6 months or so you can try to be friends. its possible.
(On July 9th, 2008 at 10:36 pm)
I agree with Johnny…
Your only torturing yourself if you continue to live with him!
(On July 20th, 2008 at 2:54 pm)
YOU CANT JUST STOP ALL CONTACT IF YOU HAVE KIDS…………