Comments on: Dealing With Rejection

By: Omar

Omar — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 16:41:43 +0000

Wow.. I appreciate reading your experience. Just two weeks ago, I ended a relationship with my girlfriend of 4 years. She began to doubt that i was the one that she wanted to be with, it was superficial things like my not being funny and outgoing enough. However, it was compounded by long distance for 2 of the 4 years. I gave my all to her, more than I ever gave to my own self. I was 100% committed, while obviously her heart was not completely in it. It has completely shattered me, and I don't exactly know wats ahead. But thank you Thomas, I must trust God.

By: Betty

Betty — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 08:01:24 +0000

Rejection by someone you've known several years but know, from the beginning, that they are married and unavailable, is still rejection and it hurts. I never sought to have a relationship with this guy but found myself attracted to him. Our paths crossed many times and found it too difficult to stay away. I believe the attraction was mutual, but to him I was just a friend. I knew he was married and so I was wrong in pursuing a relationship with him – other than friendship, but the feelings I had and have are so strong I had to see if he felt the same. Of course, I was wrong in this endeavor and know I need to must move on and try to forget about him. I haven't been able to, since he politely kissed me good-bye. It's been over a year since being rejected. There is no hope for this relationship and so I must just accept that fact. But the pain doesn't go away. He has all the qualities I admire and just wish I knew him 30 years ago when I was younger. Since I'm nearing the point in my life when I may not find anyone to be in a close relationship with, it makes the pain even harder to bear. I was in a relationship with another for 30 years and chronic illness took my partner away – that was almost ten years ago. I'm open to new relationships, but find the pain of this one that was not possible to be very hard to accept. The friendship that was between us may be over now because of my wanting more of what is not possible. I guess I will eventually begin to have more positive feelings and maybe the pain will be less severe in time. I'm trying to heal but it's very hard.

By: Thomas

Thomas — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 16:46:45 +0000

The key to the healing of rejection lies with Jesus. We need to consider how he identified with rejection from the very beginning of his life through to his death on the cross. It has been said that Jesus was the most rejected person who ever lived! Yet he never let rejection overcome or control him. He never manifested any of the fruit of rejection because the roots of rejection were never allowed to take hold.
Jesus suffered rejection but he did so in order to set us free from its grip. John sums up the rejection of Jesus:

'He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.' (John 1:10-12)

It was all for love. Jesus' death and resurrection became a divine exchange for us. He took our rejection. In its place we can receive healing, acceptance, affirmation, love, security, and much more.

In inner healing we need to acknowledge the hurts and wounded memories and surrender them to Jesus, asking the Holy Spirit to bring healing. We must allow a release of emotion – letting it happen without pushing the feelings of pain down. In the case of rejection, often deliverance is needed along with inner healing. The ability to distinguish between spirits is a gift of the holy spirit (1 Corinthians 12:10). We need to be able to discern what is from God, what is from ourselves, and what is demonic – sometimes it's not easy!

(Extract taken from Chapter 7 of 'Explaining Rejection' by Steve Hepden

By: Gonzo

Gonzo — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 16:15:53 +0000

Oh please. Using this logic, it would make sense to keep playing the lottery because that big winning number may be the next one you buy a ticket for.

I rarely ask women out anymore, I'm stuck in a caretaking situation for a single surviving parent who is a heart attack survivor. Cuts into you privacy in a big way. Most attractive and interesting women hear that you live with a parent and immediately label. you.

I was recently turned down and figured she is the final effort. I'm 53 now and hadn't even asked anyone in 5 or 6 years. In fact the last one was a Cardiac MD who all but rolled her eyes at me.

Life is not fair. At least there's always Ben & Jerry, they never let you down.

By: Sherry

Sherry — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 01:38:41 +0000

Dealing with rejection is the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. Especially when a person just walks away – without any explanation, without reason. When you don't even know, what went wrong – how do you get over it?
I really really liked this guy I met about 6 months back. We took it slow, we met a few times, but mostly emailed each other. And then, all of a sudden, after a few months – he stopped responding to any of my emails. He won't take my calls.
I have tried to ask him in a million ways – about what went wrong … but nothing. How can a person be so heartless? So mean? I've been rejected before – and I myself have rejected people in the past, but I've never dealt with a situation like this, where the other person just shuts you out of their life. Its so hard to come to terms with this. I don't know how to make myself get over this. I've gone from anger towards the other person, to being angry with myself, to being so very depressed and anti-social, because I feel like there's something wrong with me….
It hurts. And I don't know what to do.

By: Thomas

Thomas — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 00:03:40 +0000

You will often find the right person for you to be with as soon as you stop looking. I believe that the Christian God sees every persons talents and special abilities and he values you. In the Bible it says how we see other people as ordinary, nothing special people but that God see's the treasure inside of us. In Zephaniah 3 v17 it says, 'For the Lord your God has arrived to live among you. He is a mighty saviour. He will rejoice over you with great gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will exult over you by singing a happy song'. God sings over humanity! I've personally been rejected and some days it really hurts but God has been healing me bit by bit over the last year. Although I am not fully healed yet, I know that I am in a much better place since God has been healing me. Jesus is the way, the truth and the light.

By: Charles

Charles — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 23:39:58 +0000

I find I get rejected less when I'm not "barking up the wrong tree" meaning, pursuing or dating the wrong women. It would be nice to see a portfolio of their past relationships to understand if there's a pattern or whether or not I'm their type. There's nothing worse than getting rejected by a woman who's dated nothing but losers before you, and drops you for a loser. When I say loser, I mean person who's significantly less radical than you are in every way. There's simply no sense in dating someone who has a past history of dating loser after loser. You may catch yourself thinking "Gee, I'll really have an advantage with this girl because I'm really awesome compared to her last/current boyfriend, she'll think I'm 'out of her league and will be putty in my hands."
Such thinking can only get a person in trouble. Some people love losers. Also, what you think is "radical" about you, may not be noticed by another person—individuals seen as losers by some may been seen as winners by others. Everything you value about yourself, all your treasured qualities, can be totally unnoticed by the object of your attraction.

By: Thomas

Thomas — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 18:55:49 +0000

In the Bible it says in Psalm 56 v8,

'You (God) keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.'

By reading this I know that God sees every tear I cry and that he knows about every sorrow I experience. He knows what I am going through and it's in those times of weakness that he draws me near. He knows how I feel when things really hurt me deep down.

By: Gina

Gina — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 12:28:47 +0000

I am recently in a break up from a lover of 7 years. I has taken me back. Kinda blindsided one can say. She has found another. I am trying to except that it is not about me but something she needed to change for herself. We had one of the most disfunctal relationship I believe ever existed. We had become co existing for so long. Friends were basically all we had become. I try to remember that this is for the best and not to allow the feelings of rejection and my wounded ego stop me from moving forward. I seek out all these web sites to help me through the really tuff spot. I know I will survive this and then I will be able to see the future is going to be bright. It has only been 6 weeks into this and so much has happened. But it will and is getting better.

By: Carol

Carol — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 15:02:43 +0000

I have been dealing with a big rejection myself for quite sometime. It has been three months now and each day it gets a little bit easier, but, not much.

It all started when I met someone who lived around the corner from me. We started dating and everything happened so quickly, I found myself staying with him all the time. He showered me with all kinds of affection and gifts and even fixed up his place for me to stay in. Although, I kept my house down the street.

Everything was going fine until he recieved notice he was being sue along with a former partner. He was looking at bankruptcy because of it. Then someone who was lease purchasing a townhouse he still had a mortage note on skipped out on him leaving him with the mortage to pay. During this time the mortage company he was employed with went out of business. All this happened in the last three months of our six month relationship. He began to change after he recieved the lawsuit judgement which was in our third month of the relationship. He started coming home later and later. He was not as attentive as he once was.

I had to attend a conference for a week and he was suppose to go with me but decided to cancel because of all the problems he was experiencing. Strangely about three days before I left, a woman popped up in his driveway when I came home from work one afternoon early. I asked her what her business was there and she told me she was there to borrow some money from him for her car. I later, confronted him about it and he told me he did not know who she was and that he had been out of the car business for years and tried to shrug it off. I left for the conferance and when I came back, he asked me to move my stuff out that he might have to move out of the rented house he was in and into the vacant townhouse he was paying for. Also, he mentioned he might have to move out of the state to take a new job. I was shocked about the sudden discision he had made.

Later, I learned he did not move out of the house and he sold the townhouse, eventually. He is now on a dating website seeking younger women in the 40's age group. He is about to turn 62. I am in my 50's and all I can figure out is that I did not have enough money to help him and may have not been young enough for him. Who knows. He is broke, but, says he owns a business where he processes loans which he operates out of his rented home and says he is 56 on his profile and says he is a retired firefight but, he only worked in that profession a couple of years when he was younger and quit. HA!

I told him before we broke up that I did not care if he was rich or poor and that I was there for him. But, he did not want that. So I let him go.

It hurts me that I have to drive by his house each day going to my moms and to work. There are two roads which leads out of my house and both take me by his house on both sides. No way to avoid this. I just wished he had moved so I could move on easier. He lied to me on many levels and it is hard. I date other people now, but, my heart is not in it now.