PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

There are basically two different scenarios that involve talking with your ex. One is when you and your ex have children together and need to co-parent. The other is when you and your ex continue to speak because of unresolved issues or if both of you are seeking a possible reconciliation. However, one thing is certain - talking to your ex can be an emotionally overwhelming experience.

For those who have children together, staying in communication with your ex may be extremely difficult, but it is best for the children. If you find that talking with your ex is a negative experience, then you will need to take some steps to help ensure that you can speak calmly and effectively with your ex, without becoming overrun with negative emotions.

First, you should avoid arguing with your ex at all costs. If you're discussing the children and you find that the conversation is turning negatively quickly, then end the conversation immediately. Don't give in to the temptation to fight. You don't need that additional stress and neither do your children. Simply and politely tell your ex that you would feel better if you continued the conversation at another time. Also, be very careful never to badmouth your ex in front of the children. This is very common, but it can have devastating effects. You may find it is a good idea to refer to your ex as "the children's mother or father" rather than by ex (or any derogatory names). This can help ensure that you are speaking respectfully of your ex in front of your child/children at all times.

It is also important to realize that simply because you have negative feelings towards your ex doesn't necessarily mean that your new boyfriend or girlfriend won't become jealous of your relationship. Sometimes, people spend many hours discussing their ex with their new partner and believe that as long as they are presenting them in a negative light, everything will be ok with their partner. However, partners can quickly become jealous if you are spending a large amount of time talking about your ex.

You should also be wary incase your ex suddenly seems to show an interest in you again. This can be especially awkward if you don't reciprocate the feelings. Make sure that you never lead your ex to believe that there is a chance for reconciliation if there isn't one. When speaking with your ex, you want to be courteous, but you should also be curt. Don't linger on any subjects and avoid being personal. Speak about the issues at hand then move on. This way you can avoid sending any mixed signals and your ex will know that you and a future relationship are off limits.