PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

Have you ever wondered why religion and politics should never be discussed? Or have you ever found yourself on a first date, caught yourself bringing the topic up, and then suddenly wishing you hadn’t? Amazingly, many people find that they don’t know when it’s appropriate to discuss controversial topics, such as religion, politics, or moral issues – and yet, these issues are fundamental to every relationship. So when is it a good time to discuss these issues?

The first point of concern is determined by answering one question, "How strongly do you feel about the subject of concern?" If you are a radical liberal and you are dating someone for several months, only to find they are card carrying members of the Moral Majority, you may have waited too long to find out how the other believes. It is important that people know what you are passionate about, from the beginning, so that they can enter into a relationship with their eyes wide open.

However, this is not an invitation to debate! Debating on a first date will always end in disaster. The point is simple. If you are strongly and fiercely passionate about a subject then that will influence your choice in a partner. You should know from the beginning if you and your date are on complete opposite sides of the controversy spectrum. Yet, sometimes this simply cannot be avoided. Maybe you were attracted to someone, or it was a blind date, and you simply for whatever reason, had no clue what their personal beliefs and preferences were until you progressed in the relationship.

It’s always recommended that you find people with similar interests – that way you’ll automatically have something in common when controversial topics arise. This is best accomplished by dating people that you have already encountered through similar interest groups. If you find that you are falling for someone who has a completely different belief system than you do, you can be sure that it will cause problems. However, it doesn’t necessarily have to be the end of your relationship.

If you have been dating someone for several months and you find that you have completely different belief systems, but would still like to work things out, you’ll need to sit down and openly discuss your points of view. If you can keep communication open, speak to each other with respect, and not become angry over your differences – there’s a good chance you can work through your relationship. However, keep in mind that it will take a concerted effort on both of your parts to overcome the differences.

You may also be surprised to discover that more people are embracing controversial topics from the beginning of a relationship. Frankly, many people feel strongly about political issues and don’t want to engage in a relationship with someone who has different views. This is part of the fun of dating. It is narrowing down the choices on the smorgasbord to find your perfect fit. You may find that many would-be relationships end quickly once the topic of politics or religion reveal that you have very little in common, and that’s ok. It is better to find out before things become serious if you really have a solid foundation to build a relationship upon.