planning mode
dating scene
So you've been dating for several months and now you are talking about getting married. Your friends and family ask you if you've lost your mind and you respond with stars in your eyes, "But we're in love…".
As the word love rolls off of your tongue you wonder for a brief moment if your relationship is moving too fast, and you quickly turn to thoughts of your wedding gown, potential bridesmaids, and wonder what your engagement ring will look like.
You may even realize that things are moving quickly, but there is a part of you that doesn't want to slow down. You love excitement and adventure and since the past few months have been a blast, your sure the rest of your life will be perfect, right?
Wrong! Too many people have made the mistake of rushing into a relationship and subsequently marriage before giving their relationship chance to truly blossom. If you are planning your bridal shower before you've had your first real fight, then you are moving way to fast and it is time to slow down.
The trouble with a relationship is that there are two people in it. This means that there are two different time schedules and two lives that are intersecting at the same point in time. Whether or not those two lives will continue traveling down the same road and at the same time is questionable. What is inevitable, however is that at some point, the two of you will head in different directions. It may not be at the same time, but it will occur. Whether it is a difference of opinion, different tastes, or different life choices, moving too fast may mean serious conflict when it is time to make serious decisions as a team.
If you are planning any type of long term relationship or commitment, yet haven't discovered how to handle your first life crises or difference of opinion, then it is time to slow down.
Let your relationship take the time it needs to grow. This is often accomplished inadvertently, when you face life's many challenges together. Every couple finds that the beginning months of a relationship are full of love and happiness. Its what happens in the later months, when you aren't feeling so wonderfully attracted to each other that you can truly begin to gauge where a relationship stands.
If your relationship is built to last you won't find out until you endure some trials and hardships. Everyone wants to be in a relationship for the long haul. No one intentionally enters into a relationship thinking that it will be over in a few months. However, it is much easier to end a relationship when you have been dating for several months then to file for divorce several years later. Move slowly and let nature take its course. Wait until you have a few real fights (the kind where you think you never want to see each other again) and then see where your relationship stands. Other than that, you are moving too fast.
(1 votes, average: 5 out of 5)
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(On July 28th, 2007 at 8:34 am)
A relationship is NOT the place to seek thrilling adventures! Slow, easy and deliberate is the route to take if one is considering a long-term or committed relationship. Not only will slowing down give your relationship time to blossom (if that is to be), it will also give you time to see the good, bad and ugly of your partner. Hopefully, the bad and ugly don't exist but if they do, you sure want to know that they exist before you have invested too much time, your heart and maybe even your money.
The writer is correct in stating that to stand the test of time, a relationship must go through some trials and tribulations. Trials and tribulations are not arrived at or over come in a quick, thrilling, short-time relationship.
Carmin Wharton, The Relationship Teacher
Author, "Lessons Learned: While Looking for Love in All the Wrong Faces
http://www.carminwharton.com
(On May 3rd, 2008 at 9:41 pm)
Well, actually my boyfriend and I have been going through this exact thing. Here's the kicker, we're both still in high school and still teens.
We're working through it, we're talking and handling it in a very mature way. We've decided not to even broach the subject of marriage, children, lifetimes, or anything reguarding such a long time commitment.
We're both also Christians and we're trying to incorporate that into our relationship.
A person CANNOT expect three months, five months, or even ten months to yield lifetime results. You need to allow yourselves to grow and get to know eachother on more than a make-out, make-love, 'maul' level.
(On June 25th, 2008 at 4:34 pm)
I've been dating this guy for not so long and we haven't talked about marriage or anything but we have talked about cool ways of proposal, however, we'd like to spend forever together we don't jinx it. The more you talk about marriage and spending life together the more you analyze what you don't think you could live with in that person. This just makes matters worse and then you pick at that until something changes. I've had this experience and well for me it always ends up that we break up. So with this boy we don't speak of it often, we spend time together and with it being summer I've seen him pretty much everyday. I hope things work between me and my boy cause I do feel like I love him. However, if they don't there's always someone else out there.