PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

When it comes to sex, it's important that both members enter into all aspects of their relationship with a healthy and positive attitude. However, no one is positive every day, and it's only a matter of time before doubt, low self esteem, and negativity may cause issues to arise.

One area in particular, where low self-image can wreak havoc in a relationship, is when men struggle with self esteem issues regarding sex. This may be due to comments that their partner has made, issues that existed in previous relationships, or simply a poor self-image that the man has imagined. However, despite the cause, there is no doubt that low self esteem can negatively affect the way a man performs sexually.

It may come as a surprise, but sex doesn't begin with physical contact, it begins in the mind. How you think and feel about yourself and your partner has a strong impact on your performance, and if you feel that you aren't pleasing your partner, or fear that they aren't enjoying being intimate with you, your sexual intimacy will suffer.

The first thing that must be addressed is your issue of self-esteem. Since you have no way of knowing for sure how your partner truly feels, it's important that you ask her. Without adequate communication, you have no real way of knowing if there's a problem or if you're just suffering from low self-esteem and unwarranted fears. Unfortunately, some couples find it very difficult to talk about sex and this only adds coals to the fire. If you are suffering in your sexual relationship with your partner, or fear that you aren't pleasing her, the only solution is to discuss it openly. Finding out if your partner is pleased is the main objective, and if she isn't…don't take it too harshly. Simply find out what your partner likes and make changes. However, you can't begin to change those areas in your relationship without discussing the issue at hand.

If you feel that your not pleasing your partner and that you need to discuss the issue with her, find a time where both of you are calm, relaxed, and without a lot of pressure. If she's unwilling or finds it difficult to talk about, you might want to bring it up after a nice dinner with a glass of wine. You should never discuss these issues after sex because that can lead to more self-esteem issues. You should keep in mind the fact that regardless of what Hollywood movies state, sex is not best learned by watching the big screen, it is an art that is special between two people and every person is different. What pleases one woman may not please another so understanding what satisfies your partner is critical to your relationship.

As long as you two discuss things in an open and mature manner, you can work around any issues that you have and find what best pleases both of you together. In fact, you might find that discovering the best way to please your partner sexually can be a wonderfully romantic experience.