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Admit it, you’ve been jealous at one time or another. In fact, a little bit of jealousy is normal and a sign of a healthy relationship. If anyone is in a committed relationship and didn’t feel a pang of jealousy here or there, it could be a sign that something was wrong. However, there is a point where jealousy can become severe, possessive, and border line dangerous. Every relationship must be built on trust for it to thrive, and unfortunately, when one partner becomes extremely jealous, there is a loss of trust and many problems may arise in the relationship.
The basic underlying emotion behind jealousy is fear. Usually, one partner becomes excessively jealous when they begin to fear that their partner is cheating on them or becoming unfaithful. This fear can lead to obsessive behaviors and can destroy all sense of trust and communication in your relationship. Amazingly, the root of the fear usually doesn’t rest with the partner, but is based in a fear that the jealous individual experiences over a sense that they will be left alone. Since this is the basic cause of jealousy, it is important that all people deal with their own personal issues and self-esteem levels before entering into a relationship. When you’re self-confident, and can rest assured that you are a valuable person that contributes a great deal to your relationship, you can trust that your partner will be faithful to you.
However, there are certain situations where jealousy may begin to destroy a relationship based on past faults. This may occur if a partner has been unfaithful and both partners are trying to salvage the relationship. Often, things will seem as if they are moving along fine, but it won’t take much before fear and jealousy sets in and the wounded partner begins to become suspicious of their partner. If this describes the situation that you are in, you may find that the best course of action is to attend counseling as a couple. With the help of a counselor, you may find that there are specific strategies that you and your partner can take that will ensure that your relationship begins the healing process that it needs.
If your relationship has suffered infidelity, you must realize that you and your partner cannot simply pick up where you left off before the affair. There must be an active level of communication and healing must take place. Trying to pretend as if nothing happened will only complicate the relationship in the long run.
When jealousy begins to get out of hand, it is an open doorway for abuse to occur. Whether it is spying on someone’s activities, falsely accusing or blaming your partner, or more serious incidents such as verbal or physical abuse, jealousy can cause detrimental problems to a relationship. It is important that people take responsibility for their own emotions, and jealousy is no exception. If you are suffering from jealousy, you may need to distance yourself from the relationship until you can get a handle on your feelings.
(On August 13th, 2007 at 12:27 am)
You are likely to be jealous if you are insecure about your relationship and very dependent on your lover. When jealousy strikes, work at fighting it rather than let it defeat you.
(On December 14th, 2007 at 8:24 am)
You're article is very interesting. I found an article that very much relates to your one here http://www.sassybean.com/index.php/blog/article/keep_jealousy_from_destroying_your_relationship/sassybean
(On August 1st, 2008 at 5:37 pm)
Great post! The question however still remains unanswered. Is it wrong to be jealous… let us say, of our wives or husbands? The simple answer is maybe… maybe not?
The real issue is whether or not the feelings of jealous are justified by the actions, behavior or conversation of the other person or are they baseless, without substance and founded upon a misunderstanding of the appearance of things or malicious gossip.
The real factor is determined on whether the jealousy is justified or not. This means that any normal, rational person may or would feel the same way.
This is why communication is essential before one prejudges based merely on the appearance of things. If one feels a sense of jealousy then it would behoove that person to talk with the other person to see if that jealousy is warranted, justified, or if there is a legitimate reason to be concerned or jealous.
It also needs to be noted that the other person may simply discount the jealous persons feeling attributing to a character deficiency on there part. "You are just a jealous person!"
By this the jealousy is minimized or trivialized, nevertheless, that person may have a valid or legitimate concern. Romantic relationships of any kind have a certain amount of exclusivity. Each person forgoes certain liberties they may have as a single person to maintain and have certain relationships. When one party begins to give things that were reserved exclusively to their partner to other people there maybe a legitimate ground for the offended person to be jealous. If these things are no longer to be exclusive things it needs to be discussed and understood by each party.
Also it is the responsibility of each person to consider the other person (and their feelings) as more important than their own. It is called common courtesy or consideration. In this respect, if one knows that certain actions or attitudes they have are causative of the feelings of jealousy in the other person, then within reason they are to abstain from provocations of jealousy. If they do not… It certainly will not convey a true and genuine love for the other person.
The golden rule… Right? If we would appreciate this sort of courtesy afforded to ourselves then we certainly should treat others as we would like to be treated. Consequently, we do not usually realize this axiom of life until it is our ox being gored.
(On January 11th, 2009 at 2:42 pm)
Fantastic post Mr C, expertly written and profoundly wise. I totally agree with you.
I was extremely jealous of my ex when she started to meet with different school friends who contacted her off facebook/friends reunited. Should the fact that she knew i was jealous person have meant that she should have not accepted their invitation to go out (repeatedly)? If she truly loved me then probably, but she did, and look what happened, we split up soon after.