planning mode
dating scene
You’ve seen it repeatedly portrayed in movies, the older man stars with the younger woman. In fact, many people find nothing odd about seeing Clint Eastwood or Paul Newman starring with a woman in their twenties as their love interest. However, today, many women are finding that dating younger men offers many benefits. Cameron Diaz dated Justin Timberlake while Demi Moore married Ashton Kutcher. If you’re attracted to significantly older men or women, you aren’t alone. Likewise, if you are a man or woman looking for love in younger places, you’ll find plenty of company. Intergenerational dating is very popular and is becoming increasingly more common.
People find intergenerational dating appealing for various reasons. Many women find that dating younger men brings excitement to their lives. Older women often have put aside their child rearing years, are more financially stable, and have their career goals in order. They find younger men appealing because they are usually commitment free. Younger men often haven’t been divorced, don’t have children or alimony payments to make and are a nice enhancement to the more mature woman’s life. Younger men experience the benefits of dating a woman who knows what she wants in life and has a strong sense of who she is. This package is very appealing to many men.
It may sound strange to say, but another reason that intergenerational dating has become so popular is due to the advancements in medicine and plastic surgery. Today’s older people just look better then they used to. Men and women can have things lifted, tucked, and nipped and where twenty years ago, there age may have been obvious, today’s older individuals can hide the appearance of age and generally look much younger than their years. Couple this with the maturity level they have attained and their security in life, and they offer a level of competition to the younger generation that many can’t compete with.
As with all relationships, there are problems that are inherent to intergenerational dating. Though things may look wonderful on the outside, people do tend to change. One of the biggest challenges that intergenerational couples face is when one of the couples changes their viewpoint. You see one or both of the partners may choose to willingly make sacrifices to be in a successful intergenerational relationship. If a younger woman is dating an older man, there may be an agreement that they won’t have children; the same agreement may have been made between an older woman and younger man as well. However, as time progresses, either may decide that they would like to start a family and this could put a strain on the relationship. Many intergenerational relationships ultimately end when these differences in life views cannot be resolved.
Sometimes, intergenerational relationships become burdened due to the pressure inflicted by other family members and friends. In situations where there may be children relatively the same age as the new love interest, there could be hostility from the children to the new partner. Intergenerational relationships may face many obstacles, but with commitment, devotion, and plenty of communication, they can be very successful.
(On January 30th, 2008 at 1:08 pm)
My boyfriend and I have an 18 year age gap. I really love him, and things are great except for the fact that I have the libido of a 21 year old, and he no longer does. We used to have sex all the time, but one day he asked me if something had happened to me and if thats the only way I feel close to him (both answers are no). Now, i just feel guilty when I'm in the mood. How can I get our libidos more in sync without one of us having hurt feelings?
(On February 12th, 2008 at 4:04 pm)
Hi Kelly,
I think the best thing to do is discuss the differences with him. Have you let him know how you feel? I would also ask him what is it that's taking him out of the mood. Maybe he is really tired at the end of the day or something. If it's something like a question of timing, then I'm sure you both can come up with a compromise. I think the first step is in finding out what's making him lose interest. Once you find that out, you can work on the solution.
(On August 29th, 2008 at 8:20 pm)
Hey Kelly, i have a question, what do your family and friends say about the age difference? I am just on the verge of making the decision if I should just listen to myself b/c me is what really counts, but idk about the family. thank you
(On September 9th, 2008 at 12:31 am)
Hi, im dating a guy 20 years older then me and we've been dating for 1 1/2 yrs and he started to say he loved me and i feel the same way about him but after a month or so he seems uncomfortable to say he loves me i still say it but he only says it back maybe 1/2 the time am i pushing him to much or does he seem to regret saying it?
(On March 18th, 2009 at 11:05 am)
Hi. I'm currently in a relationship with a guy who's 29 years older than me. I think, age is just a number. We're dealing well with each other. We talk and disagree just like any other couple. Just because we look odd together doesn't mean that there's anything wrong in our relationship. The most important thing is respect and keep on loving each other. However, people do change. If it's time to go, then, just go. Don't play around with each other's feelings. It will only make things worse.
(On March 27th, 2009 at 10:21 am)
I am 18 and have always been with older guys but just recently I met someone 34 going on 35 and we are just being friends but I feel that it may lead to something more. He has two sons 4 & 6 and although they do not live with him he is very involved with them. I like the kids very much and he is a great guy but I am afraid of what my parents will say think and do if they find out I am hanging out with a 34 year old man. Not to mention if the relationship goes anywhere. After all I do still live with my parents! What do I do?
(On August 27th, 2009 at 1:04 pm)
Im in the same situation as you, Ann. Im 18 years old and I've been talking to this guy thats 31, for about a year now.He has a four year old daughter, and I really like him, I think I may even love him, but just yesterday, he went off on me about telling somebody him and I talk. idk if hes embarrassed or ashamed about it, but now hes not talking to me. idk what to do? should i continue talking to him or should i move on and maybe find somebody my own age?