PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

Today, many women are reaching levels of independence that previous times have never seen before. The ideas that were prominent in the past regarding a woman’s role in society has not only progressed, they have radically changed. Many women do not prepare themselves to finish high school, marry, and begin raising a family, as was customary for many generations. Today's woman is career minded as well as goal oriented, and she may not begin to feel ready to rear children until she reaches forty, an age previously believed to be the end of childbearing.

There is no doubt that today's woman is modernized and independent. She earns more money, makes her decisions independently, and may have mapped out the goals and plans for her life since she was a young girl. As you can imagine, the independent woman may clash with chivalrous men.

The definition of the word chivalrous comes from the medieval ages and is a word that was used to describe the acts of a knight. How many stories, movies, and fairy tales have depicted true romance as the budding love between a helpless woman in distress and her chivalrous knight in shining armor that comes to her rescue? The fact of the matter is that today’s modern woman, isn’t looking for a knight in shining armor. She is comfortable taking care of herself, and may not even believe that knights even exist. Not only does the modern woman take great issue with chivalrous men, they may find their acts of chivalry insulting.

As women become more independent, they gain more control over their own lives. To many of them, the basis of a chivalrous man is rooted in the belief that the woman is helpless and needs saving. Independent women don’t want to be saved, and they will find it rude and an insult to their character for a man to continually try to save her.

The truth of the matter is that if you are a chivalrous man, and live your life as a knight in shining armor, waiting to rescue the damsel in distress, you will be much happier finding a woman who needs rescuing. An independent woman will not appreciate these qualities and your relationship will be in trouble from the beginning.

Many acts of chivalry that can cause controversy with independent woman include men making the first move, men paying for dates, and men taking charge of the relationship and becoming the primary decision maker. The majority of independent women will not appreciate these qualities, and a man may sincerely and genuinely be chivalrous and not understand why his acts of kindness are going without reward.

If you are a chivalrous man who is dating an independent woman, there is no way around the issue; you will have to discuss it. If you’re doing things that you expect she will like and appreciate, only to find that she is angry and offended – your wall of communication will deteriorate, quickly. The best way to avoid these issues is to come right out and ask what she likes or dislikes. Don’t just assume that you will pay for every meal. Ask her how she feels about it. Find out what being courteous means to her, it may be that she likes to open doors for herself, but would rather you ask her before making decisions that affect both of you. Though it may take work, chivalrous men and independent woman can make it work, as long as they have plenty of communication.