Comments on: Chivalrous Men and Independent Women

By: Max

Max — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 15:40:06 +0000

Wow, I can really relate to all the comments in here. I've been dating an independent woman almost three months now. I just started to figure that she is just like the other woman on here. I come from an Italian family and I am a very chivilrous man by nature. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for this girl. Lately though, no matter how much I tell her how beautiful she is or that I want to take care of her car, things in her home etc… She creates this aura of distance. It does hurt. Now, I don't want her to say aww your so great every two minutes, but some kind of sense that I am appreciated and not getting on her nerves would be nice. If I have to tell this to a woman, then it's by me "forcing" the an apprecaiting comment out of her is not worth it to me. I guess her distancing lately means she is getting annoyed so like the guys here say, I will start today and back off if thats what she wants and we will see what happens. Good luck all. Chivilry 0 Independence 1

By: Eli

Eli — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 17:45:04 +0000

I'm currently dating a fiercly independent woman, and whom initially seemed to love the chivilrous things I did. Smiled from ear to ear seemed like. But recently, if seems like she's made a turn toward angry side at my efforts. She claims to still want chivilrous acts, yet makes me feel like im the worst most inconsiderate man in the world when I do. It's hard not do gett your feelings hurt when your intentions are all good.She's definantly worth the work, so Im going to back off in hopes that she will draw back towards me. If this doesn't work, I dont know if WE will.

By: Rick

Rick — Thu, 14 May 2009 03:27:32 +0000

Well, I now date a very independent women and all I can say to the men here, is; if too mush of that "chivalry" stuff isn't working out, and you want to hang on to her – you better back-off and and adopt your own sense of "independence", or you'll lose her! She'll respond by drawing in towards you, rather than away from you. However, you can still be a gentleman, because a man should never give up being who he truly is. If she cannot appreciate that, dump her and find one that will!!

By: Ben

Ben — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 19:42:56 +0000

It's nice to think that even the independent women can appreciate chivalry, or manners. To be honest, it is very hard not to throw it all away after being rejected on the sole fact that I DO have manners, and take great pride in the fact that I can treat women with respect. I have had my heart torn apart by an independent woman on those grounds alone, and it makes it very difficult not to simply go out and start objectifying women. It seems that with all women, the idea the a man can have manners and be chivalrous is completely lost, like its some kind of voodoo spell that we are trying to use to get in their pants. I'm just trying to be respectful and nice. When I suggest we go out, I pay. If she suggests we go out, she pays. Why not give them a hand when they get out of the car? I have a Camaro, if anyone has been in and out of those things, they know it can be a pain. Its just courtesy and manners, not an attempt to take away there independence, or to get them to put out.

Its simply evolution at this point. When times change, things evolve to fit the new situation. The behavior of men will be no different. If women don't want that kind of guy or give the outward appearance of wanting, they will simply stop existing. Then what? Chivalry dies, and then there won't be any "good" men left. I hope I can save myself before that happens to me, or at least die before chivalry does.

By: ellie

ellie — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 03:27:24 +0000

Are you kidding me with this article? ALL women appreciate a dying breed of chivalrous men. A man with manners is a KEEPER! Go forth and look very very hard all you independent ladies, and when you find him enjoy being treated like the sweet, amazing, beautiful and fascinating woman you are… and for God's sake keep him regardless of his salary…you're supposed to be earning enough to keep yourself afterall right?

Men do NOT take advice from this article! no matter how hard a woman's outer shell might appear we will all melt with your sweetness, compliments and…. wow gifts? what a guy!

By: Helene

Helene — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 13:21:36 +0000

I agree with this article, totally. Combine the chivalrous man with the pushy man and you have a nightmare (my recent experience). Being a gentleman today means, I think, being a man with a sufficient degree of self awareness, emotional integration and an awareness of other – the person they're on the date with no matter the gender so a genuine relationship is able to grow and develop (ergo = time must pass).

There is nothing more infuriating than being treated like a possession; a hapless, incapable possession that must be cornered and boxed before its too late. Gah!

By: Adam

Adam — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 03:17:07 +0000

If you know any books that I can read to help me with this issue I would like to know.

By: Stefanie

Stefanie — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 04:34:31 +0000

I consider myself to be an independent woman. My boyfriend is certainly the gentleman type of past generations. I pretty much had to wait around until he was ready to take our relationship further. It almost seems like our m/f "roles" are reversed in dating. Still, I can find myself giggling like a school girl when he holds out his arm for me to take, or holds the door, or pulls out a chair for me. I don't find it insulting, I understand that he is showing me respect in the way he was raised to do it. We work so well, in fact, that we've started hinting at marriage to each other a bit.

By: August

August — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 00:48:39 +0000

I agree with Megan. Carolyn, you may have found a way of thinking that works for you, but keep in mind that chivalry and independence are parts of non-religious peoples' relationships too, as well as the relationships of same-sex couples and people who do not identify as male or female.

It is perfectly valid for a couple to desire chivalry as part of their relationship while maintaining independence, but please do not equate this to the "distinct differences between a man and a woman." It may be true for you and your partner, but please be conscious of what you are saying about other people and their relationships when you say things like "natural role." Everyone has the right to a happy life.

By: Carolyn

Carolyn — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 15:51:23 +0000

I agree with Megan. I'm also very independent and would not only appreciate a chivalrous man, but would prefer one. I didn't used to feel this way, but ever since I made a personal commitment to Jesus Christ, God has revealed to me the distinct differences between a man and a woman. I do have a good career and support myself, but would not mind having the man who God has chosen for me to take the lead. I'll be honest though, I wasn't going to wait for my knight to ride in to start planning my life, and this may be the case with many women who have become independent. With the lack of chivalry in today's culture, many women don't have a choice but to venture out on their own. That does not mean that we would prefer for a man to back out of his natural role, in fact I would prefer if he stepped up.