PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

There's no denying the simple truth that women talk more than men. Women are constantly begging men to open up or share their feelings, while men typically want to be left alone and wish the woman would stop talking so frequently. However, when it comes to open communication between couples, there is one subject that may have serious implications to the stability of your relationship-frequent talk about "the ex".

It can be very disheartening to continually hear talk about another person when two people are trying to work on their own relationship. Yet, the question must be asked, "If one person constantly talks about the ex, does that mean they are unhappy with their current relationship?" The usual sentiments of jealousy, suspicion, and feeling doubtful are sure to arise. The other person is left to wonder why he or she is spending so much time talking about their ex in the first place. The thought that maybe they miss the relationship so much, they can't stop reliving it is sure to be at the forefront. But does talking about an ex frequently mean that someone is dissatisfied with his or her current relationship? The answer is not a definite yes or no. Each relationship is different, but more importantly, each person is different. Just because someone speaks frequently about their ex, doesn't necessarily mean they want to go back to them.

If your partner speaks frequently about his or her ex, you may suspect that they are more interested in that relationship than they are in having a relationship with you. This is not necessarily the case. First, you should take into consideration how long the relationship lasted. If they were in a long-term relationship, you may hear frequent talk of the ex, simply because he or she was involved in your partner's past. It may not mean that they are holding feelings for the other person, they may simply be stating facts and retelling events that the ex happened to be part of.

You should also look at the context in which your partner is discussing their ex. If they are continuously comparing you to the ex, then yes, you have a problem on your hands. If your partner blatantly compares you to the ex (or anyone else) then there is a problem with your partner. Every person is different and you should never have to feel that you are being compared to someone else. However, if they are just mentioning the ex in a casual manner, it more than likely doesn't mean anything.

If you find that the ex is trying to remain friends with your partner, then you have genuine cause for concern. If the ex is making their way back in to the picture, and your partner is continually bringing their ex up in conversation, then they may be rekindling old flames of passion. The best thing that you can do is to discuss your feelings and concerns with your partner and see how he or she responds. You should also consider the fact that your partner and the ex may want to continue a friendship. If that is the case, you will need to closely examine your feelings and decide how you will handle the situation.