PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

Not every great relationship starts with a neighbor in the apartment next door. Sometimes they don't even have to live in the same city. Example: Say for instance you're on vacation in a tropical paradise. One evening while visiting the nightclubs, you meet someone. Immediately there is an attraction, but hours later as the sun rises, you realize that this person has a lot more going on than looks. They're smart, funny, successful and most of all single; basically the many assets you've been looking for in a mate.

Six months later after numerous airplane fares on your credit cards, along with sizable long distance phone bills, you realize it's time to have the conversation – can or is this relationship going anywhere?

Understanding each other's expectations is vital and helps in avoiding any misunderstandings. For example, is she or he interested in an exclusive relationship, or do they want to continue to see other people?

If both parties are the laid-back sort (see each other when we can or feel the need) without any strings attached, then that's great although it can be unpredictable. One party may decide to change their mind, which can lead to a huge mess.

However if both agree to the idea of exclusivity, then communication and trust must be the key in order to make it work.

Communication is the simpler of the two. It's often easier if you're dating someone who has the same standards that you have, and understands exactly what it means to be in a committed long distance relationship. Regular phone calls, emails, or the occasional snail-mail or card along with planned vacations, holidays or short getaways go a long way in helping keep the ‘long distance blues' away.

The latter however is much more difficult and therefore can be very challenging, but by all means not impossible. Say for instance your phone doesn't ring at the usual time, but many hours later or you call at the appointed time, but no one answers. What if that person tells you they're going out, but doesn't offer to tell you with whom? Or say your planned getaway has been cancelled not just once, but twice. Do you immediately believe that the ‘unthinkable' is going on? Not necessarily. Living apart can make the mind start to go awry, but these are things that happen with couples who also live close together.

Your long distance partner had a life before your relationship began, plus situations can sometimes get in the way of anyone's normal routine. So don't immediately go into accusation mode. If these occurrences only happen every once in awhile, then don't make a big deal out of it. And if you feel that they should be discussed, then by all means, do so but in a calm and rational manner. Throwing accusations around can turn something that was great into the relationship ending before it even begins.

So don't be too quick to dismiss someone who doesn't live within 50 miles of you. After all as the old saying goes…Absence makes the… you know the rest!