PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

Life is not as complicated as we think. Essentially, life can be described as a long series of yes' and no's. Happiness? Yes. Holiday Pounds? No thank you. A raise? Yes, please. A date with Carrot Top? Um…let me think about it, no.

However, in between the yes', nope's and Heck ya's, there is a gray zone; a particularly uncomfortable area that I like to call the Maybe Zone. Maybe's, I'm not sure's and I don't know's reside in this wasteland. Here, dwell lost causes, unresolved issues and generally the unknown. Among the lost causes, you may encounter our opinion of Britney Spears, the justification of the war in the Middle East and, my least favorite, Friends with Benefits, or what I like to call FwiBs.

Granted, the decision to be FwiBs is a definite yes or no, the consequences in the long run may exile, one or both of the parties involved, to the Maybe Zone. Sure, the idea of having a party pal, study buddy, bedfellow and completely non-exclusive companion all-rolled-into-one can sound very appealing; but the honest truth is that it never stays that way for long. Eventually, our feelings change, circumstances change and we are left with a FwiB that is still enamored with the idea of the convenience of it all and not enamored with us! Somehow our once symbiotic relationship has become somewhat parasitic

is important to consider the reasons as to why we would have ever chosen that particular individual to be our FwiB in the first place. If we compare it to the list of what we would look for in our ‘ideal love interest' we can see that there are not many discrepancies. In fact, the checklist of our desired traits in our ideal love interest may all be checked, except for that one box at the bottom; the one that reads "Looking to be in an absolutely fabulous relationship with that special somebody and not in some dead end FwiB situation where someone is bound to get hurt."

However, this epiphany marks progress. Eventually, we will also come to confess our own self-loathing; an admittance that the only thing preventing us from kissing our FwiBs good bye and leaving the Maybe Zone, aside from our FwiBs inability to reciprocate our feelings, is truly our desire to steer clear of their No-zone. In this case we put into play a defense tactic of making a conscious decision to stay in the Maybe Zone in order to ensure that we don't have to hear them tell us "No."

Consequently we get stuck. We begin lying to ourselves and others that we are too busy for a real-ationship and that we love our FwiB situation. Lies, all lies…and it seems as though our FwiB has become a total fib!

It's hard to say what to do from the realization that our FwiB was fun and maybe a little foolish and that the Maybe Zone is awful, however, we must remember the essentials of life: yes' and no's.

We need to ask ourselves if this friend is really beneficial? Will this FwiB relationship ever be what we are searching for? Can our FwiB reciprocate the same emotions? If the answer is no to at least two of these questions, it is definitely time to pack your bags and make a decision!

We all crave companionship. Sometimes our search for that perfect somebody turns into an almost perfect anybody. We allow the extent of our relationships to be a late night rendezvous, a non-committed companion, or a one way ticket to the Maybe Zone. Although, at times in our lives this is a convenient solution to finding some companionship, ultimately we may want something more. The shelf life of a FwiB, generally is fairly short and when the fun is over it's time to leave the Maybe Zone. Don't dwell, don't hope that loyalty to the Maybe may give us a pass to the Yes. So, now I'm asking you, is your Friend with Benefits Beneficial?

Courtesy: jeani