PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

No two ways about it, we are led by our physical desires. Initially, we pick each other based on how physically attracted we are to each other and if we don’t step back and catch our breath, those emotions can often cloud our thinking and get in the way of us getting to know that person. All reasoning becomes obsolete as our physical emotions take over.

We ignore the warning signs while the sensation increases and excitedly you tell yourself this is the one and before long, you’ve slept together. Then all of a sudden things change drastically and that person becomes unavailable. After days of calling and getting no response you finally realize that the call is not coming.

After getting over the final shock of what happened, you quickly reprimand yourself and make a promise that next time, you will know better. Less than a few months later, you find yourself back in the same place and when you really stop to think about it, it’s happened to you more times then you want to admit. But how do you break this pattern?

One of the first things you should do is take a break from dating. Often before we can even evaluate what happen in the previous relationship, we move on to the next telling ourselves that the best way to heal from the last one is to find another to take their place. But when we do that we are not healing, but avoiding. When a relationship ends we need to step back and do an assessment so that we can understand why it didn’t work in the first place. And if you are the type of person that falls into bed too quickly, you need to find out the reason why.

Being attracted to someone physically is fine, but relying on that emotion when you’re hoping for a serious relationship can me detrimental. It takes time to get to know a person. No one says a relationship has to be rushed. Sometimes when it seems that everyone but you is in a relationship, we become fearful that we will never meet that someone. The fear of being lonely or even the fear of them leaving if we don’t sleep with them right away can end up being a huge problem. That’s when fear starts to take over and eventually it can beat down our self- esteem leading us to act before we think. We should never let fear become a factor.

So although this might sound a little unoriginal, step back and get to know you. Reading books on the subject or even speaking to friends whose advice you respect and who have made relationships work can be helpful. Knowing when it’s the right time is not just something we should feel from our hearts (although that is an important aspect) but knowing mentally can help the next time, be the right time.

Courtesy: Sheilah Brooks