planning mode
dating scene
The word unconditional is defined as; not conditional or limited, absolute, unqualified and unconditional surrender and I believe when we're falling in love we are doing so; absolutely, unqualified and definitely unconditionally – surrendering ourselves.
But is there a limit when it comes to unconditional love, and when we do add those limitations, can we really use the word unconditional?
A friend of mine once told me that he felt it was nonsense to love someone unconditionally. He went on to say that if he was in a relationship and over a period of time if that person was to change (like weight, etc.) then there was no way that he could be expected to stay with them because they weren't the person he had fallen for. So basically what he was saying is that his relationships had to come with conditions.
While I don't agree with his analogy, I do agree that we have to be careful when using the word unconditional in our relationships because whether we want to or not, it's important to have conditions in our relationships. Conditions serve as a defense mechanism that lets us know when enough is enough.
It's also important to know our limits when it comes to unconditional love. It's fine if you love that person unconditionally when it comes to the small things like; them chewing with their mouth open, and their habit of not putting down the toilet seat or hanging their pantyhose on the shower rod or even if they gain some weight. Some things might be a little bit more challenging. Say, if that person is going through a hard time at work and at home or even if they are going through some personal emotional crisis, staying by that person unconditionally is fine because those are usually things that can in time disappear.
But what if that person starts disrespecting you or taking you for granted? Is there anyway you can continue to love that person unconditionally when they are treating you badly? Absolutely not! Loving someone unconditionally does not mean that you stick around no matter how you're being treated.
Loving someone unconditionally can be a bit dangerous because it can make us crippled when making decisions on what to do and even make us feel guilty when we've even decided on those decisions. In the end, it can keep us stuck in relationships that are not healthy.
Falling in love absolutely and unequivocally is wonderful, but knowing what your conditions are when things start to go wrong is the key to knowing unconditionally when to get out.
Courtesy: Sheilah Brooks
(On October 31st, 2007 at 10:14 am)
It becomes dangerous when conditions start to be applied to relationships. Where do we draw that line in the sand and proclaim that "this is not the person that we fell for"? Sure, disrespect or abuse should not be tolerated…however, what of bad moods or just hard times. These trying periods have causes and these should not have conditions. It is in these moments that we all need to be loved unconditionally.
(On November 2nd, 2007 at 9:46 pm)
Dear Steve,
I agree it does become dangerous when we start applying conditions to relations. As I pointed out in my article, hard times or strange habits should not be a cause for conditions. But unfortunately, we live in a world where promises of love, trust and respect are sometimes disregarded and often we stay in those relationships because of the idea of unconditional love. What reason do we hear most when our friends are in abusive or unhealthy relationships? "I love them"
I do believe that right now we do need to be in relationships that are unconditional, but can that really happen?
For example, I ask this question… when we already have a pre-determined idea of what we want that person to look like, act like, and basically be like, aren't those pre-conditions?
(On November 8th, 2007 at 10:53 pm)
This is very interesting, I too believe that noone should stay in an abusive relationship. With that said, I will speak from the experience of my own marriage..I have loved my husband unconditionally through his drug addiction, infidelity, severe anger problems, depression, emotional abuse, losing a child, step parenting, and every day highs and lows. Our marriage now is very strong, very secure, and in noway at risk of divorce now or in the future. It was a long hard road, but I do believe it was through "unconditional love" that this marriage grew so strong. Do know, that through all of this there were times that I loved unconditionally from a safe distance, meaning we were seperated. But I still loved him the best I knew how. If you were to ask him how he was able to change so much and become happily married, he would tell you, it was because his wife showed him true love through all of his down periods. Remember that true and unconditional love does not mean you have to become a doormat. It means that you respect your mate enough to make healthy choices, staying true to who you are, to know when to say when, and to show support through lifes changes. By my showing unconditional love, he realized that he was worthy of receiving it, and now offers it in return.
So is there such thing as unconditional love? It may take alot of forgiveness, understanding, and patience. But, I am definitly a believer!
(On November 11th, 2007 at 4:23 pm)
Hi Lili,
I thank you for your email and your marriage is definitely a testimony for "Unconditional Love." I especially liked your "I loved unconditionally from a safe distance."
You also sound like a very strong person with many convictions. But not everyone has those strenghts and they need to put up those "conditional barriers" to protect themselves from those abuses you went through or unfortunately sometimes even worse.
Are those who choose to stay better than those who chose to leave…I don't think so. They just chose a different kind of condition.
Thanks again for your comment!
(On May 30th, 2008 at 1:28 am)
it is very dangerous to apply conditios for your girlfriend or wife since she will also apply the same to you.i agree to some extent because without conditions every one would have been stealing thier brothers properties but since their is a condition no one dares to do so.so it is important to set condtion for relationship to grow with honety and displine.
But again never set conditions to show that your the head of family or straining your partner.
(On June 11th, 2009 at 2:10 am)
LETS FACE IT, THERE IS NO SUCH THING A UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. THAT ONLY FOUND IN ROMACE NOVELS
(On June 11th, 2009 at 2:15 am)
PEOPLE WILL TELL YOU SWEET ROMANTIC LIES, BUT THEY DONT MEAN IT. WHO HAS YOUR BACK WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO THE NITTY GRITTY? WELCOME TO PLANET EARTH!