PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

At one point during your romantic history, you've undoubtedly encountered a partner that, when you try to end the relationship, refuses to accept it. As frustrating as that can be, it's important to consider your former partners behavior and why they aren't able to let go.

But how are you reacting to their behavior?

Oftentimes, we subconsciously feed the notion that the relationship isn't truly over, thereby allowing false hope to grow in the mind of our former partner. "It's not me – it's them!" you may cry in indignation. I suppose it could be, but let's back up a minute. Ending a relationship isn't fun for anyone. I'm apt to avoid confrontation as much as possible, and when I know a relationship just isn't working out anymore I try to make the breakup as quick and painless as I can.

Sometimes, it doesn't quite go my way. I'll breakup with someone (or think I do, at least) and he'll end up calling me as if nothing ever happened. This is where it gets tricky. In the past, I'd answer my ex's phone calls. I'd even hang out with him. For all intents and purposes, we may as well still have been in a relationship.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

By neglecting to reinforce the fact that we'd broken up, I unwittingly fueled the flames of my former boyfriend's fire. Taking his phone calls and hanging out with him only served to make him think that I hadn't truly broken up with him – that I had, in fact, re-evaluated my position and wanted him back.

The only way to make a former flame understand you're through is to constantly reinforce that fact. You don't even have to hunt him down to let him know you're through. Ignore his phone calls, let his e-mails go unanswered and stop getting together for coffee dates. Once I did this with my ex, it took about a week before he finally got the hint.

While it's entirely possible that your ex may not be able to let go, the way you react to his behavior can either make the situation worse, or finally wake him up to the fact that he's no longer with you. As much as you might hate hurting someone, sometimes it takes a bit of brutal honesty to make a breakup stick. If you can change your behavior, ultimately your former partner will realize that you were serious when you broke up.

Just remember – there's a reason the relationship stopped working for you. Don't make it harder on both of you by instilling false hope. A breakup that doesn't stick can often be attributed to your reactions to the event. Change your reaction, and you'll ultimately get the results you want.