PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

It's funny (or maybe not) but I've been hearing the word selfish a lot. Some of my friends have been complaining (some in serious relationships and some married) about it and I don't think it's mainly an issue with the men, but also with the women being selfish (although I would like to think it is always the men.)

It seems that we are living in a world where people seem to be more concerned with themselves and their own pleasures. Where my friends are concerned is that their needs are not being met and are totally being ignored. And it's not as simple as say ‘I'm tired and worked all day can you cook dinner or maybe ‘can you take out the garbage this once', or even the not so simple ‘I forgot to buy you a gift because I spent it all on beer or shoes.' It's becoming more serious than that.

They feel like they're not being championed when it comes to their successes or achievements or being listened to when it comes to their desires, their own personal goals and daily needs.

This is distressing because I've always believed that one of the benefits of being in a relationship is that you have someone who is there to understand your needs and wants. They are selfless when it comes to putting their needs aside to give you comfort. With so many complaining about it, is that another quality we need to look for before we become involved in that relationship? Or is it possible that we can act so nurturing and caring at the beginning of the relationship but then eventually forget about it once we've grown comfortable in that relationship? Is it just another example of us taking each other for granted?

Needing someone to be there to advocate for you in whatever you do is very important. People in relationships stray for a lot of reasons; neglect, lack of intimacy, unhappiness, but if we made a list of all the reasons why people look outside of their relationships for companionship, I would bet that one of the top 10 reasons that they cheated was that they felt that their overall needs were not being met and that their partner's only concern was for themselves.

If suddenly you notice that your spouse or partner is just not sharing with you like they use to, you might say to yourself…'great, maybe they understand I'm not interested or I have other important things to think about.' But what if this is a signal that maybe they found someone else who listens? What then?