PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

My aunt used to love giving my cousins and me dating tips. One of her favorite suggestions was for us to go down to the Bowery in New York City, find a guy, and clean him up. Her rationale was… you never know. Some of those guys could be just down on their luck and once you clean them up, you might end up with a winner. Well… I didn't follow my aunt's advice. There just seemed to be too many other options for a girl back then. Today, I'm not so sure and once in awhile I consider her advice, but that's not the point of this article.

I believe it's important to date someone who's in your league and I don't mean that in a snobbish way. Until recently, my relationships were very one-sided. I like to think of myself as educated (worldly, as well as book), a risk taker, very funny and a person who always challenges herself, along with being a creative spirit. But I found myself dating men I had nothing in common with. I'm not just talking about dating for only a few weeks. I'm talking about six months to a year. I would be in these relationships where we were complete opposites when it came to education, taste in movies and music, and careers and where often they had not only any creative aspirations, but not any aspirations at all. Often, we couldn't even hold a conversation that lasted over 5 minutes. However they were not lacking in some attributes that I found attractive like being romantic, kind, and passionate but still it wasn't enough to build into anything permanent.

Then I met this guy who was the total opposite. He was smart to the point of being an analytical bore which teetered on him being a know-it-all –often to the point of intimidation which left me to feeling I was not worthy of even being in his presence.

After years of this routine, I had to stop and process. Was it me? Was I boring? Did I not have as much to offer as I thought I did? My main concern was what was causing me to attract men I had nothing in common with? I had no problems with my male friends. We had a lot in common, sometimes talking for hours at a time. The answer came to me…my father.

As much as I love my dad, he could be overbearing, a know it all and often intimidating. I realized that I was taking every precaution not to meet anyone that was even close to his personality and when I did meet someone who was close, I was unhappy. So in order for me to find happiness in my relationships, I needed to find the medium.

I was so afraid of dating someone who would consider me beneath them; I dated men who could never measure up to where I was or wanted to be.

It's important to date someone who challenges you, who you can challenge and someone you can grow together with; not necessarily having the same goals, but at least having the same destination. Dating someone who is not your equal should never be an option. If you're not careful, you can end up marrying someone who is not or will never be in the same place you are. Never settle for less than equal!