PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

If you've ever been in a relationship with a possessive partner, you'll completely understand the following scenario. About two years ago, I met a man through a mutual friend of ours. I didn't notice any red flags. This man seemed, LITERALLY, perfect, which perhaps was a red flag in and of itself.

In any case, about six weeks into the relationship I began to notice signs that all was not quite right in paradise. He would call me at all hours of the day and night, wondering where I was and who I was with. If I wasn't at my house when he popped by for a random visit, he would call me, furious, and tell me to get home. Eventually, I lost my friends and my life to this man who I had originally deemed my Prince Charming.

Possessive partners are nothing new, and they are often quite hard to spot until the relationship has already developed. My "Prince Charming" seemed perfect at first because he WAS charming! He seemed to get everything he wanted, but what he really wanted was a woman to dominate and control to feed his own self-esteem issues.

If you find yourself trapped in a relationship with a possessive partner, you have to get out. The following signs are red flags that something isn't right with the relationship, and you are merely an object… NOT an equal.

Excessive phone calls to find out where you are or repeated inquiries regarding your whereabouts means your partner doesn't trust you, and wants to keep tabs on you at all times. Get. Out. If your partner constantly puts you down, makes you feel inferior, or begins to show signs of controlling your life, you are being dominated by a possessive partner and it's NOT going to get better.

I learned the hard way that you can't change these people. Their self esteem and confidence are so low that the only way they can make themselves feel better is to control, dominate, and put you down. Eventually, a co-worker of mine who knew what I was going through made me realize I wasn't in a relationship – I was being controlled! She pointed out all of the signs to me, and I knew then and there that I had to break away from this man.

It was hard, because a possessive partner will try to make you feel that you need him – that you're nothing without him. That's exactly what my former Prince did, but I was able to stand my ground and walk away. Now that I've had that experience, I know how to spot the warning signs BEFORE I get seriously involved with someone. While the experience made me more cautious about dating, I was able to work past the fear and anxiety and finally re-emerged back into the dating scene.

If you find yourself involved with a possessive partner, the best thing you can do for yourself and your sanity is to break it off. It might take an outsider to steer you in the right direction, but if you spot these warning signs, don't think you'll be able to change them.

I found out the hard way that you can't.