planning mode
dating scene
Post Count: 12
Monday, December 10th, 2007
Categories: Jealousy, Relationship Advice, Trust
If you've ever been in a relationship with a possessive partner, you'll completely understand the following scenario. About two years ago, I met a man through a mutual friend of ours. I didn't notice any red flags. This man seemed, LITERALLY, perfect, which perhaps was a red flag in and of itself.
In any case, about six weeks into the relationship I began to notice signs that all was not quite right in paradise. He would call me at all hours of the day and night, wondering where I was and who I was with. If I wasn't at my house when he popped by for a random visit, he would call me, furious, and tell me to get home. Eventually, I lost my friends and my life to this man who I had originally deemed my Prince Charming.
Possessive partners are nothing new, and they are often quite hard to spot until the relationship has already developed. My "Prince Charming" seemed perfect at first because he WAS charming! He seemed to get everything he wanted, but what he really wanted was a woman to dominate and control to feed his own self-esteem issues.
If you find yourself trapped in a relationship with a possessive partner, you have to get out. The following signs are red flags that something isn't right with the relationship, and you are merely an object… NOT an equal.
Excessive phone calls to find out where you are or repeated inquiries regarding your whereabouts means your partner doesn't trust you, and wants to keep tabs on you at all times. Get. Out. If your partner constantly puts you down, makes you feel inferior, or begins to show signs of controlling your life, you are being dominated by a possessive partner and it's NOT going to get better.
I learned the hard way that you can't change these people. Their self esteem and confidence are so low that the only way they can make themselves feel better is to control, dominate, and put you down. Eventually, a co-worker of mine who knew what I was going through made me realize I wasn't in a relationship – I was being controlled! She pointed out all of the signs to me, and I knew then and there that I had to break away from this man.
It was hard, because a possessive partner will try to make you feel that you need him – that you're nothing without him. That's exactly what my former Prince did, but I was able to stand my ground and walk away. Now that I've had that experience, I know how to spot the warning signs BEFORE I get seriously involved with someone. While the experience made me more cautious about dating, I was able to work past the fear and anxiety and finally re-emerged back into the dating scene.
If you find yourself involved with a possessive partner, the best thing you can do for yourself and your sanity is to break it off. It might take an outsider to steer you in the right direction, but if you spot these warning signs, don't think you'll be able to change them.
I found out the hard way that you can't.
(On June 16th, 2008 at 12:58 pm)
I think one of the reasons why possessive people use these behaviours you have listed in your post is that they are covering up for their own mistakes in their life. These could be that they have been cheating their partner and they are worried that their partner is also doing this behind their back or like you mentioned they have a confidence issue. I also had my fair share of this in my past relationships and I am very happy that I now can see the signs before I let someone in my heart.
(On November 13th, 2008 at 1:20 am)
I think one of the reasons why possessive people use these behaviours you have listed in your post because somebody in past have broken there trust thats why they are very insecured about there present relationship, this kind of ppl should be treated politely and they need reassurance to buil up trust in there life, other kind of rude behaviour can be wrong to these ppl. When someone is possessive that means they are in some kind of love. Possessiveness is the only thing which differenciate between liking and love. If you have possesive person in your life that means you have someone who loves ypu intensely and blindly.
(On July 11th, 2009 at 5:04 am)
I was involved with a possessive guy for almost three years. I knew something was not right, but I could not figure out what it is. It was only recently that i realised he is possessive. We went for counselling and that is when i understood his off behaviour. I agree with findings above,possessive people have a low self esteem,have cheated and now think their partners are doing the same. Its not worth it.
(On July 22nd, 2009 at 2:09 am)
my husband is possessive he is too controlling i dont have even friends he is always accusing me of cheating he is insecure i cant even visit home he does not want any of my friends
what must i do because we went for counselling and it did'nt help he wont change so i think divorce is a solution im not free
(On July 23rd, 2009 at 7:05 am)
pls help what must i do im no longer happy im afraid of him because he is possessive
(On August 14th, 2009 at 6:40 am)
My boyfriend was also Mr. Perfect from the beginning of our relationship. After one month of dating, he asked me to move in. I was blinded in love and agreed. Six month's into our relationship, things started changing. We could never go out, withoug him accusing me of looking at other men. Things got out of hand, I have no more friends as they are not allowed to visit me. I'm not allowed to visit them or go for lunch with them. He accuses me of having affairs, etc. He's had several failed relationships in the past, most of the woman cheated on him. I often have to guarantee him that I will not cheat on him and that I only love him. I eventually could not take his emotional abuse anymore and moved out. He followed me to my new home and begged me for one last chance, promising that things will change and that he was scared of loosing me. Nothing has changed! He still accuses me of seeing other men. Every single time when we had an argument, he will cry and ask for my forgiveness. He is totally insecure, especially because I earn more money than him. I told him that I'm no longer in love with him, but this does not make a difference to him. He smacked me about two months ago, I left him, but he came after me. I know I have to get out. I am paying the price for his insecurities and low self-esteem.
(On August 14th, 2009 at 11:18 am)
This man is escalating and it won't stop until you walk away. Completely away. Nothing you can ever do or say will help him with his insecurities. They all stem from within him so he is the only one who can mend them. It sounds like you logically already know these things but you have to emotionally except them. It's a hard thing to do, but it seems like it's your only option at this point if you want to lead a happy life. Don't believe his crying and apologizes, it just suckers you back in. Good luck to you and just stay strong.
(On September 17th, 2009 at 1:59 pm)
I have read all the above articles and it is very true.I have been dating some one for 1yr half.At 1st.it was cute then not so cute. Being accused of doing things hurts! I have told him,You have a problem and he admits his issues. But it does not change it will not change he is who he is and my love for myself has kicked in. No matter how much I love him he does nt know how to love because love does not hurt,accuse, puts down,or controls.. Just remember always to love your self because no one else can do it for you.