Comments on: Possessive Partners

By: Danika

Danika — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 22:22:16 +0000

my relationship just ended after 18 years we have a daughter the time we conceived her was when we were broken up and dcided wed give it a go for the babys sake well needless to say he cheated on me alot through out our whole relationship all my friends and whoever at bars and such when we first started dating everything was great in the beginning he was a great listener and was very supportive and loved me crazy for about a year then he started being extremely controling didnt want me to hang out with my friends always told me i was nothing without him and guys would only want me for sex and thats it repeatedly. He was my first . So i loved him very very much he was 2 years older than me so he could go to the bars and leave me at home ( i ran away from home to be with him i was 15 at the time) So night after night he would go out and get drunk and i would wait for him to come home i was always up all nightand always very sad. Finally i hhad enough of this because i kept hearing he was with other woman and id find phone numbers hickeys (apparently pinch hickeys from his friends)i left him this was before our daughter was born and found someone else that i thought was totally awesome and made me feel special my mistake he was the same way but he used knifes to scare me and cut me and try to make me shoow him how much i loved him hed cut himself and tell me to prove it by drinking his blood and i just would never do that so hed get angry and threaten me he ended up belonging to a gang .one night i went out with my friends and ended up hanging out with her boyfriend and his friends well my guy found out and freaked out because i was hanging with another gang needless to say i got rapped the next day and tortured by his friend oh and also got pregnant that night. So i called my first love and told him what had happened to me keep in mind he hadnt at that point forgave me for leaving him he was very sick about our break up he said i should have never left him and that i deserved what happened but he was still there for me and came to abort the baby with me and held my hand (crying a bit makes me feel so bad writing this) so anyways we decided to start seeing eachother again then i all of a sudden got pregnant after 3 weeks pf being on and off with my first love. So thats when we decided to try to make it work for our babys sake so i kept her and like i said in the beginning non stop cheating it was a nightmare i was just accepting it after awhile i was so big and pregnant 59 and counting his friend told me but i guess at the time i felt like i kinda deserved it for leavinghim in the first place so to make a long story short after the nineth year of being with him i gave him amn altimatum either he stops pr im gone forever and it worked i couldnt believe it he was just waiting for me to get a backbone he said like im talking he messed around with my friends while i was sleeping that i didnt want them to drive home because they were to juiced i made them comfortable and thats what i got unforgivable bothe ends that always haunts me. But anyways then it has been 18 years weve fought and argued but still remained to be together now i had alot of hate in me i carried with me for all these years plus huge trust issues i never could trust him so i became controlling and tables turned i got into the drug scene and met other people got myself in a gang oh yeah got all tattoed up, totally went i guess you can say turned into someone i didnt recognize in the mirror i lost myself there is so much more detail but i think u get the idea. So i didnt come home one night and he strangled me until i told him i met someone else i was totally in my mind hinking he didnt love me anyways this whole time i mean the guy would talk about me to his friends and laugh at me and tell me to go and cry and shut the fc up everyday i was just a bitch hed say.We both hated eachother for what we did to eachother.Now he has confessed his undying love for me and i couldnt believe it maybe he actually loved me and i just didnt realize it so he was loving me for about 2 weeks he got very sick and needed medication i fet very guilty and confused and saw how sick he was then his friend came in from out of town and he met somone else at the bar i knew he was talking to someone else but couldnt put my finger on it then on a saturday he told me im going out for dinner tonight and confessed he met this girl. So needless to say i got crazy did alot of stupid things because he made me believe we were working it out and i put my guard down and let him in almost like i was obsessive. The one thing i never talked about was our sex life there was never an issue with that we both connected very well in that way. So needless to say i have been sleeping with him for the past 2 months like all the time every second day but he keeps telling me he cant come back and that he really likes this girl and that i had my chance but he keeps calling me i call him too i do really love this guy i am going to councelling im not sure if i can let go. I dont want to be second best and i certainly do not have the tools to deal with the other girl.She does not no we are still sleeping together she has crones desease and her daughter is on dialosis her transplant has bacteria in it and her daughter may die anyday so the woman lives everyday like it was her last and i kinda feel somewhat bad but i did tell her to stay away from him and she did not listen not to mention the child feels sad because she doesnt want her mom to date this woman has been single for 2 years and this guy is a real handful he actually tells me that this woman doesnt spend enough time with him and he wants that to change and he gets mad to me about it. Im telling you its unbelievable and stupid me defends her and tells him to look at that sitation she already has her hands full and i tell him hes being selfish. Anyways im so lost and now alone and i fear hurting him again so i just remain the rag doll he pulls out of the drawer and puts back in. I am not budging because i do believe he will come back to me plus i dont want a war here i have a child to think about and i believe he wouldnt want anyother man in his place. It is very hard to show him change when i too have a hard time dealing with being the other woman i would havenever thought i would be not i a million years. If anyone has advise for me id love to try to figure all this out its so hard to be humble and carry on. Am i completely out of my mind for wanting him back so badly. Not sure what to do please help me.

By: Yoli

Yoli — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 20:59:44 +0000

I have read all the above articles and it is very true.I have been dating some one for 1yr half.At 1st.it was cute then not so cute. Being accused of doing things hurts! I have told him,You have a problem and he admits his issues. But it does not change it will not change he is who he is and my love for myself has kicked in. No matter how much I love him he does nt know how to love because love does not hurt,accuse, puts down,or controls.. Just remember always to love your self because no one else can do it for you.

By: rachael

rachael — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 18:18:00 +0000

This man is escalating and it won't stop until you walk away. Completely away. Nothing you can ever do or say will help him with his insecurities. They all stem from within him so he is the only one who can mend them. It sounds like you logically already know these things but you have to emotionally except them. It's a hard thing to do, but it seems like it's your only option at this point if you want to lead a happy life. Don't believe his crying and apologizes, it just suckers you back in. Good luck to you and just stay strong.

By: Rose

Rose — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 13:40:50 +0000

My boyfriend was also Mr. Perfect from the beginning of our relationship. After one month of dating, he asked me to move in. I was blinded in love and agreed. Six month's into our relationship, things started changing. We could never go out, withoug him accusing me of looking at other men. Things got out of hand, I have no more friends as they are not allowed to visit me. I'm not allowed to visit them or go for lunch with them. He accuses me of having affairs, etc. He's had several failed relationships in the past, most of the woman cheated on him. I often have to guarantee him that I will not cheat on him and that I only love him. I eventually could not take his emotional abuse anymore and moved out. He followed me to my new home and begged me for one last chance, promising that things will change and that he was scared of loosing me. Nothing has changed! He still accuses me of seeing other men. Every single time when we had an argument, he will cry and ask for my forgiveness. He is totally insecure, especially because I earn more money than him. I told him that I'm no longer in love with him, but this does not make a difference to him. He smacked me about two months ago, I left him, but he came after me. I know I have to get out. I am paying the price for his insecurities and low self-esteem.

By: phindile

phindile — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 14:05:45 +0000

pls help what must i do im no longer happy im afraid of him because he is possessive

By: phindile

phindile — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 09:09:25 +0000

my husband is possessive he is too controlling i dont have even friends he is always accusing me of cheating he is insecure i cant even visit home he does not want any of my friends
what must i do because we went for counselling and it did'nt help he wont change so i think divorce is a solution im not free

By: Queen

Queen — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 12:04:47 +0000

I was involved with a possessive guy for almost three years. I knew something was not right, but I could not figure out what it is. It was only recently that i realised he is possessive. We went for counselling and that is when i understood his off behaviour. I agree with findings above,possessive people have a low self esteem,have cheated and now think their partners are doing the same. Its not worth it.

By: romeo

romeo — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 08:20:51 +0000

I think one of the reasons why possessive people use these behaviours you have listed in your post because somebody in past have broken there trust thats why they are very insecured about there present relationship, this kind of ppl should be treated politely and they need reassurance to buil up trust in there life, other kind of rude behaviour can be wrong to these ppl. When someone is possessive that means they are in some kind of love. Possessiveness is the only thing which differenciate between liking and love. If you have possesive person in your life that means you have someone who loves ypu intensely and blindly.

By: Kursat Kahya

Kursat Kahya — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 19:58:51 +0000

I think one of the reasons why possessive people use these behaviours you have listed in your post is that they are covering up for their own mistakes in their life. These could be that they have been cheating their partner and they are worried that their partner is also doing this behind their back or like you mentioned they have a confidence issue. I also had my fair share of this in my past relationships and I am very happy that I now can see the signs before I let someone in my heart.