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Dating Tips and Relationship Advice
How to Spend Time Apart but be Closer than Ever
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This article has 10 comments so far!

  1. Chris says —

    So far so good, I'm going through the sam thing with my partner. She feels trapped and a disconnect, like we do not have the same goals. She's not sure about wanting marriage or kids, and I made it clear early on that that's what I want, however I did not make it clear that that's not a be all and end all of what would make me stay or be ultimately happy.

    She doesn't want to break because she's afraid if it doesnt work out it will ruin my life. I buckled down and told her if she needs time apart and doesn't want to feel obligated the only guarantees I would want would be to know ahead of time if she's going to be away and the loyalty aspect, of which i have no question there is there.

    I don't know if i'm doing things right, but I swallowed my pride and am trying for more trust than reliance.

    We've been together almost 7 years now, living together almost 6. She really doesn't communicate well, but she cares for me so much that she passes up her life because she thinks that's what I want.

    I just hope I'm taking the right route.-

  2. Soul says —

    I hear that.. im going through the same thing, my girlfriend and i have been together for a year and a half and just now she is starting to require some "ME" time and only wants to get together 2 or 3 days a week, im very alarmed by this but i just want to make her happy so we can be together for a long time, we both want kids and to get married and such but im not comfortable with seeing her only a few days a week as compared to everyday we spend with eachother, i mean i have friends and can easily find other things to do but i dont want to be worried about loyalty.. ive never had a problem with loyalty and her before.. but we are young and bad decisions are a staple of my generation

    any help?

    -Soul.

  3. Confident Yet Confused says —

    I'm going through the same thing with my boyfriend. We've only been together 4 months and its the first time I started dating again since I broke up with my ex which was a 3 yr long relationship. My ex demanded time from me and I needed my space as I was going to school and working full time. Now that I've graduated, I met this new guy who is fabulous and going to school and working, but doesn't call me as much as he did in the beginning. When we see each other, its great but confusing. I actually thought he was seeing someone else but luckily when I confronted him he looked at me like I was nuts for thinking such a thing. Its good to know theres other people in the world going through the same thing and its normal. Funny- when you get what you want (space), it comes at the wrong time lol

  4. Charisse says —

    I hear you! I guess when it comes down to it, it's all about trust. When you finally get your space, or when your partner wants his or her space, it's easy to resort to "non-trust" mode. It takes a lot of trust to let your partner enjoy their free time (without having to look over their shoulder to see their partner spying on them). But really, isn't that the sign of a healthy relationship- when your partner can have their own life, own hobbies, and interests and still come back to you?
    It's kind of like that old poem, "If you love something set it free, if it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was."

  5. Pattykakes says —

    I am going through this! We have been together almost 5 months, and he is busy with work and school. I see him maybe once or twice a week. I felt like he found someone else, and when I asked him about it, he said I was talking crazy. He assured me that I was his girl, and he has made an effort to call me to let me know he is thinking about me when we aren't together. I am still feeling a litte neglected, so I haven't made much effort to call him lately. Last night he said it made him feel bad, that maybe I don't think of him as much as I used to. I haven't admitted to him that the ringtone for him on my cell is "Can't Stop Thinking About You". =)

  6. lisa says —

    im going through this as well with my b of 1year and 7months we have a child together and things have been great but latery he is been non communicative doing things without including me goes out with friends and works till late at night so whenever he gets home he avoids tolking to me so things aren't that great anymore and we argued and i finaly asked him that maybe we should take sometime apart but he sounded as if he wanted to leave and his responce was i will pack next week and leave so we are not tolking at all and im not sure whats going to happen.

  7. tami says —

    thanks….makes me feel better. we have been together for 7 months and live almost 2 hours away from each other, in the last two months we get to see each other every couple of weeks…he is a very busy man with his business and rental properties. the first couple of months he would make the effort to see me every week sometimes 2-3 times a week, so i was starting to worry he lost interest.

  8. alexandra says —

    these past few weeks was really hard for me coz my boyfriend started spending more time with his friends than with me. I thought it's not normal bcoz i expect him to miss me that much after working abroad and not seeing each other for 9 mos. but then, i realized i wasn't just the only one who's experiencing this…and it's just completely normal! thanks so mux!

  9. Jodi says —

    My husband and I have been together for 6 years now and married for one. We have a beautiful 4 year old daughter together. we have recently been 'out of sorts' in our relationship and my husband wants us to spend more time apart. He wants to go out to the bars drinking with this one friend in particular, who can't be trusted. He just wants to spend more time apart. We have recently been discussing how we thought the problem lies in the fact that we don't make enought time for each other…now he wants to spend more time apart. what really saddens me is that the activities he wants to do away from me don't include our daughter in any way either. So in fact he wants time away from US, not just me. He swears that he wants nothing to do with anyone else and isn't interested in finding anyone new. He says he definitely doesn't want a divorce….I'm confused. I don't know another couple who's spouse goes to bars to drink with his Sinlge buddies…it's just not done. I just have no idea what to do, or say, or feel other than sad.

  10. Andrea says —

    Hello to Jodi,

    I have been married for 5 years to the love of my life. He goes out almost every night of the week with his friends. He comes home every night to me though … very late but always comes home. I am not worried that he wants someone else, he enjoys hanging out with his friends that is all it is. When this first started I thought he was cheating so I would call him just to see if he answers his phone, I woudl drive by where he was just to see or I would go with one of my friends to the place I knew he was at. He was always hanging with his friends, my suspisions were wrong. Once I realized that him being with his friends was such a big part of his life that he did not want to end I calmed down and realized that I too have things I did not want to end such as hanging out with my friend or have some time to myself. Girls often think the worst of men when they want to hang out with their friends - most the time uncalled for. It is simply hanging out and if you do not trust the person to be away from you then you should evaluate why before assuming they are cheating. Possibly it is that you have been cheated on in the past or you have some thought that men must be with their partner every second… I would hate to be treated that way (I would feel traped) and I am sure he does too. If you can just step back and look at your relationship with your husband and ask yourself do you make him happy? If he is happy at home why would he want someone else. This is what I did. When he comes home he is happy and content with the way our life is, why would he want to change that.


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