planning mode
dating scene
Post Count: 12
Friday, December 14th, 2007
Categories: Advice For Women, Relationship Advice
Everyone goes through a period in their relationship where things seem to sour. Maybe your partner doesn't seem interested in spending time with you anymore, or perhaps he's so focused on other obligations he doesn't have time for you. Before you pack your bags and get the heck out of dodge, you should know that this type of behavior can actually be normal in a long-term relationship. I know – shocker, right?
Honestly, I experienced the same thing in my last relationship. At first, I thought I did something to cause my boyfriend to draw into himself. We weren't spending nearly as much time together as we did in the beginning of our relationship, and he seemed content to do his own thing. Little did I know that what he was doing was simply reverting back to what he USED to do before we got together!
Think about it like this. After a certain amount of time (I was with my boyfriend for 10 months when I start noticing this behavior), the two of you settle into a comfortable routine. At this point, it isn't about impressing the other person – you've already established a relationship, and both of you have accepted the other for who each of you are. Now, people (men, especially for some reason) realize that you aren't going to up and leave anytime soon. At this point, they can start incorporating some of the activities they used to be a part of before they entered into the relationship with you.
In actuality, while one partner might be upset or confused by this behavior, it's usually completely normal! The problem arises when you are expecting more than what your partner is giving you. When my former boyfriend seemed to pull away from me, I confronted him about our future together. He was completely confused, because to him what he was doing was normal. He told me that because we'd been together for so long, he didn't think it was a bad thing to have a night or two to himself every week so he could do what he used to do before we got together.
After I thought about it, I realized it wasn't a bad thing at all – I could use some ""me-time,” as well! While we managed to pull together, you might need to evaluate your relationship and what you want from it. Having some time apart from one another can be very healthy, both mentally and emotionally.
There's no golden rule that states couples must spend every waking moment of their lives together! A little separation can go a long way, and when the two of you finally do get together, the time spent apart will be worth the reunion.
(1 votes, average: 5 out of 5)
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(On January 22nd, 2008 at 12:33 pm)
So far so good, I'm going through the sam thing with my partner. She feels trapped and a disconnect, like we do not have the same goals. She's not sure about wanting marriage or kids, and I made it clear early on that that's what I want, however I did not make it clear that that's not a be all and end all of what would make me stay or be ultimately happy.
She doesn't want to break because she's afraid if it doesnt work out it will ruin my life. I buckled down and told her if she needs time apart and doesn't want to feel obligated the only guarantees I would want would be to know ahead of time if she's going to be away and the loyalty aspect, of which i have no question there is there.
I don't know if i'm doing things right, but I swallowed my pride and am trying for more trust than reliance.
We've been together almost 7 years now, living together almost 6. She really doesn't communicate well, but she cares for me so much that she passes up her life because she thinks that's what I want.
I just hope I'm taking the right route.-
(On January 29th, 2008 at 4:09 pm)
I hear that.. im going through the same thing, my girlfriend and i have been together for a year and a half and just now she is starting to require some "ME" time and only wants to get together 2 or 3 days a week, im very alarmed by this but i just want to make her happy so we can be together for a long time, we both want kids and to get married and such but im not comfortable with seeing her only a few days a week as compared to everyday we spend with eachother, i mean i have friends and can easily find other things to do but i dont want to be worried about loyalty.. ive never had a problem with loyalty and her before.. but we are young and bad decisions are a staple of my generation
any help?
-Soul.
(On February 10th, 2008 at 7:05 pm)
I'm going through the same thing with my boyfriend. We've only been together 4 months and its the first time I started dating again since I broke up with my ex which was a 3 yr long relationship. My ex demanded time from me and I needed my space as I was going to school and working full time. Now that I've graduated, I met this new guy who is fabulous and going to school and working, but doesn't call me as much as he did in the beginning. When we see each other, its great but confusing. I actually thought he was seeing someone else but luckily when I confronted him he looked at me like I was nuts for thinking such a thing. Its good to know theres other people in the world going through the same thing and its normal. Funny- when you get what you want (space), it comes at the wrong time lol
(On February 12th, 2008 at 3:50 pm)
I hear you! I guess when it comes down to it, it's all about trust. When you finally get your space, or when your partner wants his or her space, it's easy to resort to "non-trust" mode. It takes a lot of trust to let your partner enjoy their free time (without having to look over their shoulder to see their partner spying on them). But really, isn't that the sign of a healthy relationship- when your partner can have their own life, own hobbies, and interests and still come back to you?
It's kind of like that old poem, "If you love something set it free, if it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was."
(On February 27th, 2008 at 3:15 pm)
I am going through this! We have been together almost 5 months, and he is busy with work and school. I see him maybe once or twice a week. I felt like he found someone else, and when I asked him about it, he said I was talking crazy. He assured me that I was his girl, and he has made an effort to call me to let me know he is thinking about me when we aren't together. I am still feeling a litte neglected, so I haven't made much effort to call him lately. Last night he said it made him feel bad, that maybe I don't think of him as much as I used to. I haven't admitted to him that the ringtone for him on my cell is "Can't Stop Thinking About You". =)
(On April 15th, 2008 at 11:34 am)
im going through this as well with my b of 1year and 7months we have a child together and things have been great but latery he is been non communicative doing things without including me goes out with friends and works till late at night so whenever he gets home he avoids tolking to me so things aren't that great anymore and we argued and i finaly asked him that maybe we should take sometime apart but he sounded as if he wanted to leave and his responce was i will pack next week and leave so we are not tolking at all and im not sure whats going to happen.
(On April 25th, 2008 at 6:30 am)
thanks….makes me feel better. we have been together for 7 months and live almost 2 hours away from each other, in the last two months we get to see each other every couple of weeks…he is a very busy man with his business and rental properties. the first couple of months he would make the effort to see me every week sometimes 2-3 times a week, so i was starting to worry he lost interest.
(On May 1st, 2008 at 6:57 pm)
these past few weeks was really hard for me coz my boyfriend started spending more time with his friends than with me. I thought it's not normal bcoz i expect him to miss me that much after working abroad and not seeing each other for 9 mos. but then, i realized i wasn't just the only one who's experiencing this…and it's just completely normal! thanks so mux!
(On June 14th, 2008 at 10:43 pm)
My husband and I have been together for 6 years now and married for one. We have a beautiful 4 year old daughter together. we have recently been 'out of sorts' in our relationship and my husband wants us to spend more time apart. He wants to go out to the bars drinking with this one friend in particular, who can't be trusted. He just wants to spend more time apart. We have recently been discussing how we thought the problem lies in the fact that we don't make enought time for each other…now he wants to spend more time apart. what really saddens me is that the activities he wants to do away from me don't include our daughter in any way either. So in fact he wants time away from US, not just me. He swears that he wants nothing to do with anyone else and isn't interested in finding anyone new. He says he definitely doesn't want a divorce….I'm confused. I don't know another couple who's spouse goes to bars to drink with his Sinlge buddies…it's just not done. I just have no idea what to do, or say, or feel other than sad.
(On July 17th, 2008 at 2:59 pm)
Hello to Jodi,
I have been married for 5 years to the love of my life. He goes out almost every night of the week with his friends. He comes home every night to me though … very late but always comes home. I am not worried that he wants someone else, he enjoys hanging out with his friends that is all it is. When this first started I thought he was cheating so I would call him just to see if he answers his phone, I woudl drive by where he was just to see or I would go with one of my friends to the place I knew he was at. He was always hanging with his friends, my suspisions were wrong. Once I realized that him being with his friends was such a big part of his life that he did not want to end I calmed down and realized that I too have things I did not want to end such as hanging out with my friend or have some time to myself. Girls often think the worst of men when they want to hang out with their friends - most the time uncalled for. It is simply hanging out and if you do not trust the person to be away from you then you should evaluate why before assuming they are cheating. Possibly it is that you have been cheated on in the past or you have some thought that men must be with their partner every second… I would hate to be treated that way (I would feel traped) and I am sure he does too. If you can just step back and look at your relationship with your husband and ask yourself do you make him happy? If he is happy at home why would he want someone else. This is what I did. When he comes home he is happy and content with the way our life is, why would he want to change that.