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Post Count: 12
Thursday, December 20th, 2007
Categories: Advice For Women, Break-Ups, Relationship Advice
Yes, breakups suck - there’s no polite terminology to describe the aftermath of a ruined relationship. You can cry, eat a pound of ice cream and write angry letters to your ex in your online journal, but eventually it’s time to face reality and realize life isn’t over. But what happens if you think your ex wants you back?
Here’s where it gets tricky. There’s a fine line between remaining friendly with an ex and figuring out that the flames never truly died between the two of you. I was fairly certain an ex boyfriend still held a torch for me, and I ended up making a complete fool of myself over the entire thing. You see, after we broke up we had no contact with each other for two weeks.
One day, he ended up calling me out of the blue to ask if I wanted to get together and talk. I immediately assumed this meant he wanted to get back together, so I spent all day “beautifying” myself and preparing. We met up at a coffee shop down the street from my house, and I thought we had a great time. To be honest, I interpreted his phone call and friendly gesture as a sure sign he still wanted to be with me.
The day ended on a pleasant note, but I was confused - were we getting back together? After that, I proceeded to call him every day, send him countless e-mails and text messages telling him I had a great time and maybe we could work things out. I should have realized right away when my phone calls and e-mails went unanswered that things were not going to resolve themselves, but I persisted. Finally, he had to call me and confess he was seeing someone else - and to leave him alone.
Apparently he wanted to tell me that on our coffee “date,” but because I was fawning all over him he wasn’t sure how to proceed. Needless to say, I was humiliated - and I’ve never repeated that experience. So, how CAN you tell if an ex wants you back?
While there are no hard and fast rules to determining whether an ex wants to try again, there are a few general indications that the flames may not totally have gone out. For example, does he suddenly “run into” you at places that are completely out of his way, like your job, or after a fitness class he knows you take? Does he call you and ask to stop by because he needs some things back he left at your place? Does he call you at all, simply to talk?
If an ex is going out of his way to contact you or see you, or if he initiates frequent conversations about why the two of you ended, chances are he wants you back. If that turns out to be the case, examine your feelings about your ex and why the two of your broke up in the first place. If both of you have worked through your issues, maybe it’s time to give it a second chance.
However, if you’re not totally certain your ex wants you back…don’t embarrass yourself like I did! Wait for him to make the first move.
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(On December 21st, 2007 at 2:01 am)
ah, i felt your pain through that story. great advice here, it's captivating how you're speaking from experience. love your blog (design very clean!) and hope to stay in contact with you on the blogosphere!
(On February 5th, 2008 at 9:54 am)
I really like your story it made me think of lots of things. I would love if we can have a talk I feel sad and would like to talk to someone that have been drew what am going drew.
Adriana
(On February 7th, 2008 at 3:30 am)
Hey Girl,
Well that totally sucks what happened with you and your ex. But we live and learn.
The one thing that i will say about breakups is that its best not to have any contact with your ex after you break up with them.
Look when you break up with someone, then its time to cut them out of your life at least for a little bit until things settle down.
In my blog i always refer to the No Contact Rule, because it can provide your situation with a number of advantages.
Firstly you take back that control of allowing you emotions be dependant on someone else’s actions.
Secondly you can find out if he still really cares about you. Hey if you apply this rule and he is the one contacting you non stop, then you know that you have something to work with.
The one thing that is good to remember with breakups is SPACE. Usually when this first happens one person out of the partnership is trying to contact the other one incessantly because they feel like they NEED that person.
Breakups are a really good time, to be able to reflect and discover the true power you have in yourself as a person to overcome any barrier. They are an essential part of life
Hot Alpha Female
http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com
(On February 12th, 2008 at 4:26 am)
Not a comment but l need advice, am Maria from Uganda aged 32 years, have a terrible problem with my ex-boyfriend, l don't know what l should do, briefy it goes, l once got this man way back in 1997 we loved each other so much for the first five years, later l gave birth to a baby girl who is now turning 6 in february, in 2002 when l conceived things started worsening, like too pshyical tough and harassments by this man reaching an extend of denying help during that period when pregnant yet l did'nt have a job, alot was done which l can't type here and finish, so the only alternative was to leave this man, the first time l left him the baby was just 3 months old went back to my parents, then this man came back apologising, l went back to him hoping he had changed, after few weeks, he again started his tough, l had to go back home, he again did the same, this happened like 4 times, as am writing this, am at home with my girl this time l have persisted, at first l told him that if he wanted me to accept his apology and wanted back to his life, an introduction plus a wedding must be made which my parents wanted which so much, it is our culture. He said he did'nt have that moneny to spend, l just decided to stay at home up to now but deep inside l love this man like crazy despite all the bad things he nas done to me, it is now a year ever since l left him, he even told me that he is now seeing some one whom he uses for sex but still studying her, l even hear rumours, but what confuses me most is that this man wants to take me out often with his daughter even this valetine he requested me to be his valentine when l asked him about the lover,he replied that she can't move out with her, he frequently calls me which at times l refuse to pick then calls my friends so am just confused but l feel we can't be happy with this man yet deep inside l feel l love him. People say that am a very beautiful attractive lady but l have even failed to get a man, what is wrong with me? What should l do? Please advice me l feel terrible because even at home l have started getting problems with my family who seem to be fed up with me especially my real mother who always tells me that he is very worried about me it sounds to me like she thinks that l might to get a man and at time she is very tough on me, at time l feel like commiting suicide but when l think of my daughter l just let it go, everytime l feel like tears rowing down deep in my heart, l feel like crying but don't want people to notice, l feel l have lost hope, yet am a christian, l feel got is punishing me, or not seeing me, l have failed to get a good job am just a mere secretary under paid, yet am a full graduate with Bacholer's degree, l just feel helpless.Need help
(On February 12th, 2008 at 4:29 am)
An kind of advice plis email me at kirabo.maria@yahoo.com
(On February 12th, 2008 at 12:37 pm)
Hello Maris,
It seems you know in your heart what the right thing to do is, yet due to your religious and cultural background, on top of a panging for all the positive things a relationship provides, you feel you have obligations to fulfill. Because this is a matter of the heart, you need to follow what your heart tells you. You must ask yourself why you love this man so much and then decide if pain is worth it, both physically and emotionally.
It is in our nature, our very DNA, to seek out companionship, as we are social creatures. It is easier to deal with abuse from someone we have a connection with than to be alone, even if it is the wiser thing to do. Having a child with this person makes it even more difficult, because you probably want him to be a father. And because Christian doctrine dictates you are to marry this man, you feel you have to. Then of course there is the whole deal about putting food on the table that drives you to reconsider his faults.
There is an old saying you get what you need in life, and not what you may necessarily want, though sometimes the two do interconnect. What you need is a strong, positive environment for yourself and your child. Abuse in any form is NEVER acceptable, be it physical, emotional or sexual. If this man laid a hand on you out of anger even once, that should be your cue to move on. Period. Why should you have to endure being abused to appease your family or your church, or to satisfy financial or emotional security? It simply does not make sense.
I say you should be your own Valentine this year. Buy yourself an inspirational card, indulge in a little chocolate, run yourself a bath, light a ton of candles and sprinkle rose petals in the water. Truly pamper yourself! Allow yourself to have a good, cleansing cry and then begin to love yourself for who you are: a strong woman and a wonderful mother! If you build yourself up from the inside out, I promise you will attract a new partner, as confidence is the sexiest and most beautiful asset anyone can have, and it is also the one trait you can’t be born with or buy at any price.
I will be thinking of you.