PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

Some single parents starting new relationships may feel they’re climbing an uphill battle, and this flies equally for both for women as well as for men. After all, it’s hard enough for a single person to get back into the dating scene after a presumably difficult breakup, but it can be a hundred times more difficult to squeeze in a night out with another adult, what with a crazy work schedule and PTA meetings to worry about. And adding the fear of rejection due to already having a family can really put a damper on an evening, so the thought of holding back this crucial bit of information may sound tempting… at least until after a few dates, of course. Why not let him or her get to know you as a single adult first, so “dropping the bomb" won’t have as much punch.

Actually, my direct experience as a former single mother has proven best to come right out with it, though probably not bluntly. Half of the time, your date already knows you through a mutual acquaintance, family member, work or interest, so the cat’s probably already out of the bag, even if you are unaware. The other half stems from chance encounters and personal ads. In these situations, you don’t have to feel obligated to state your parental status in the first few lines, but it is important to let your date know by the time you’ve mulled over your after dinner coffee.

Here’s the deal: some people genuinely do not care for being around children. I know that may seem unlikely or even crazy to those who adore little people, but there are folks out there who cannot, for one reason or another, handle kids and all that comes with having them. So, it is only fair to let your date know up front that you are in fact a single parent. And who knows, your date just might have a kid or two as well!

Here’s a few line ideas to let your date know without being blunt:

1. "Well, just the other day, my friend and I were at the zoo with our kids and…"

2. "Actually, I donate food through my son’s school."

3. "I saw that on cable the other night. My daughter had this project to do and…"

4. "Oh I know! Thankfully my son is a whiz at anything having to do with computers!"

Trust me. Letting your date know up front will ease a lot of tension down the road. And if he or she goes, then hey – it was never meant to be.