planning mode
dating scene
So you’ve been dating a fella for a while who, by all accounts, seems to almost fulfill your ideals of Mr. Right. Unfortunately, he has so many annoying little habits that drive you insane that you feel the need to correct them… by any means necessary. And now that he’s been spending a lot of time over at your home, these imperfections and annoyances are really starting to rear their ugly heads. You’ve had it! You are going to write up a list of demands and get these issues rectified – pronto! Or, you are going to work him over the same way you house broke your puppy. Either way, this is going to stop! No more leaving the toilet seat up, no more curled up, stinky socks left on the floor and certainly no more lounging around in holy underwear (or blaming certain odors on imaginary critters).
Sure, this makes logical sense, at least on paper anyway. But, imagine if the shoe was placed on the other foot, because he probably has his own list! Your guy says he’s tired of you answering your cell phone during dinner, spending two hours to get ready for said dinner and leaving your panties in his laundry basket, even though you know he wishes you would use the one he got for your things. Oh, and let’s not forget to mention how you insist on wearing that same pink blouse to every casual function, even though you’ve explained to him that it’s your absolute favorite. Do you like it when you are judged? And more specifically, do you like it when your guy tries to mold you into his ideal of Ms. Right? If you don’t like it, why would you try to change him?
Relationships are never going to be 100% perfect. In fact, it is these imperfections that actually add to your relationship! If you two had everything exactly in common, right down to the last detail, things would get boring right away. We all have our flaws, because we are in fact only human. Striving for perfection for yourself is one thing, but inducing and demanding said perfection in another human being, especially the ones we care for, is downright demeaning and hurtful. Partners are not pets, and we shouldn’t be “training” them as though they are.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you can’t ask your guy to please remember to toss his socks in the hamper. However, if he never ends up doing that, then that might be a flaw you’ll have to learn to live with if you want to continue the relationship. Or, maybe you can rearrange the room so that the hamper is within throwing range. He may not unwad his socks, but at least they won’t be on the floor anymore! And hey, offer to reciprocate – you don’t really need to answer every call.
