PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

While the dating game can be fun, and can potentially allow you to find someone compatible for you in the long-term, many women (and men) can turn into a “serial dater.”

I know how dangerous serial dating can be, because I used to be one. After a boyfriend ended our relationship of four years, I was completely devastated. At first, I turned to binge-eating, sob fests, and writing tragic “poetry” in my journal in order to try and cope with the pain I was feeling. When I realized that it wasn’t working, I turned to serial dating to try and deal with my rejection. I dated man after man after man, never pausing to face the perilous slope I was heading down. I didn’t realize it then, but I was simply using each new man in my life to fill the void my long-term partner had left in my heart when he broke up with me.

To be honest with you, each man I dated never really seemed different to me – in fact, they all seemed like the same man (or so I tricked myself into believing, in order to have a semblance of what I wanted; a long-term partnership.) In truth, I wanted someone to love me, but in reality I was simply setting myself up for more heartache and pain when my short-lived flings didn’t work out. While I was never physically abused by any of these men I was dating, I had absolutely no regard for my self-esteem. In fact, I HAD no self-esteem – I’m lucky I was never seriously hurt by any of these men I’d run to, because the type of behavior I was engaging in could easily have turned into a different type of tragedy.

There are many men who prey on serial daters like I used to be. These men recognize the signs of a woman desperate to be loved, and pounce. Suddenly, you become an easy target for these men. While I was lucky enough to not get seriously hurt by my serial dating, I realize now how my destructive behavior could have quickly turned tragic.

While some people who don’t understand the danger behind serial dating might scoff at me, I can assure you – the dangers are real. Not only did I lose all semblance of self-esteem, but I started to feel trapped – as if there was no way out of this pattern I had made for myself. Finally, after I began to discover that I wasn’t going to find what I was looking for in a relationship by having various flings every week, I sought the advice of a professional.

Many women who get to this point find themselves in a similar bind. Had I not spoken with a professional and gotten help, I shudder to think where I would be now. Ultimately, serial dating isn’t worth it. Not only will it lead to more heartache and pain, you could be setting yourself up for real danger. It’s better to cope with the termination of a long-term relationship not by running from man to man, but by learning to cope with the rejection and realizing that you will find someone out there who loves you for who you are.