PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

So you slaved all day to surprise your guy with a fabulous meal. You made his absolute favorite food, and you even remembered to compliment it with a nice wine. But when he sat down to eat, he didn’t even seem to notice and just shoveled it in. Or perhaps you fought with every ticket broker in town to get the most primo seats for the concert of the year, and all she did was bitch about being ten minutes late for the opening act and about the escapades of that floozy in the row behind you two. And of course, there is always the classic of the forgotten anniversary or birthday – wow, that never seems to go out of style! In all of these situations, the one who went out of the way to do something nice for the other half has been left with feeling rather stung, and rightly so. But at the same time, you know he or she honestly didn’t mean anything by it, so you let it slide, hoping the next time you do something nice, and the extra effort will get noticed.

But will it really?

At one point in just about every relationship, there will come a time when one or both parts of the whole will feel a lack of appreciation. Whether it is true or not is beside the point. If the feeling is there, the situation needs to be brought up and corrected, because stewing over it will only make matters worse. Also, by ignoring it altogether, you may inadvertently condone the behavior, and the isolated incidents will eventually become the norm. It’s one thing to grow together, and it’s another thing to get used to each other, and getting used to each other can lead to taking each other for granted.

Before getting angry at him or her, consider how many times you have forgotten to thank your partner for the little niceties you may have taken granted in your relationship. You know, the whole “cleaning up your own house first” deal. Think about it: when was the last time you thanked him for meeting you for lunch, especially if you go out together all the time? Isn’t that taking a special moment for granted? Sometimes, just making an attempt to correct your own mishaps is enough for the other to realize how they are treating you, so be sure to try the kindness route first.

If you don’t see an improvement, then a confrontation is definitely in order, preferably right when you feel you deserve some recognition. Be sure to count to ten before doing so, because the last thing you want to do is start a yelling match. You’re trying to convey your feelings here, and not rile up an argument over it. With the dinner scenario, simply ask after he has finished eating if he liked it. If he doesn’t respond in kind, speak up for yourself. On the drive home from the concert, mention a highlight. If she still bitches about that woman, let her know (in a polite tone of course!) how hard it was to get those tickets. Hopefully your partner will come around and will appreciate you more in the future. If nothing works, then you just might have to consider getting a middle man involved (counseling).