PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

Some of us have problems throwing things away. Like my mother and her habit of saving things for possible future re-use, like old plastic water bottles or quirky purses that might possibly come back into fashion some day.

Well, my recycle/re-use habit applies to a different area of life. It applies to my ex’s. I tend to pause in the process of mentally wadding them up like a piece of paper destined for the trash bin. I pause mid wad, and think, “Wait, maybe I shouldn’t throw this away. Maybe I should just keep it around for later, in case I might use it in a craft project or something.

And that is how the phenomenon of the lingering ex begins. A sort of “saving for possible use in the future” concept.

But like your kitchen junk drawer, it has to stop somewhere. If you’re always stashing things away, you’re gradually losing space for the new, useful things that are waiting in your future. At one point my mom’s old kitchen was so full of old appliances that there literally was no room for the new microwave we actually needed.

And let’s face it. There was a reason that paper bag was going in the garbage in the first place. It had a hole in it that was leaking valuable content, like your trust. Or a handle broke so you didn’t have the firm security that you needed. Or it got wet in the rain, collapsing on you, becoming clingy and offering no support, just dampening your day.

Granted, ex’s can serve a purpose in certain instances, like the comfortable old sneakers you wear when you need to wash the dog. But the truth is that those sneakers, while familiar and broken in, are still the same old sneakers you stopped wearing for a reason.

Like old running shoes, they’ve acclimated to your shape and hollowed out at the places where your foot hit over and over. While this contouring can provide comfort, the support is often lost. Just like a runner’s foot, sometimes to keep running you just need new, firm support that doesn’t collapse or disapear under pressure or strain . Maybe the flexible, structure-less nature of the relationship was what attracted you to it in the first place. But you're growing up, taking on new responsibilities and challenges, and with that comes a need for more support and function. Otherwise you end up sitting around on the couch, being lazy in your old pair of comfortable, non-responsive, worn-in, floppy, year-old sneakers that don’t inspire your feet to climb new hills or run new races.

In some cases it's possible to recycle. It conserves resources, and is an environmentally responsible choice. But it's not always possible in every area of life. Sometimes there is no salvaging to be done, and you just have to let go and throw it away, releasing any hopes for future use. And also releasing the guilt you might feel later, if for a fleeting moment in the future you miss those old sneakers and their familiar fit.

But whatever you do, don’t settle for old and smelly just because it’s comfortable and easy. Go out and buy yourself the new pair of running shoes with all the support and function that your hard-working feet deserve. I guarantee as soon as you put them on and walk around, you'll wonder why you waited so long in the first place.