PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

“Just do it.” “Jump right in, the water’s fine.” “Get busy livin’, or get busy dyin’.” There are about a thousand clichéd phrases thought up by the oh-so-wise to encourage you to just…take a chance in life. But if you’re sitting in a bar, palms sweating and heart pounding, your mind wrestling with itself about whether or not to ask out that pretty blonde who’s been glancing at you all night, “take a chance” doesn’t usually feel like the most appealing option. “Play it safe,” probably sounds better. That and, “order another beer and then go home.”

Rejection doesn’t feel very nice. And while the idea of going on a date with that pretty blond is a pleasant one, it’s also very abstract– just a fantasy. The possibility of being rejected feels much more concrete. How many times, after all, does the girl say yes? Unless you’re George Clooney, not many.

What you really want is to get the girl without risking rejection, right? Sorry, but that’s not going to happen. But you can reduce your chances of being rejected outright. Sound good? Then before taking the plunge, ask yourself these three important questions:

Does She Like Me?

Take it from a girl who is relatively shy around guys– we women show our interest in about a hundred different ways. Some of the signs we use to show we like you are of the “big and flashing” variety, such as coming over specifically to talk to you and touching you often. But, apparently, we also give off little signs you should watch for, such as:

• We smile and make lots of eye contact
• We walk by often
• We play with our hair or draw attention to our mouths
• We stand close to you
• We fidget or get nervous

Most of us probably don’t even know when we’re doing these things– they’re completely unconscious. So watching for them can be a great way to figure out how interested we are… or aren’t.

Is She Available?

You don’t want to get your face punched in by an overgrown anchor-tattooed buffoon of a boyfriend. And so figuring out whether or not a woman is available seems like the big question. Fortunately, it’s an easy one to figure out– most women aren’t going to let you chat us up for long before telling you we have a boyfriend.

Whether or not a girl is attached to a tattooed buffoon of her very own is practically impossible to guess without talking to her. So simply ask, or let her tell you. Nobody gets beat up for talking to a woman with a boyfriend– that only happens in the movies. So you’re not allowed to use it as an excuse not to try.

Is it the Right Time?

As women, some of us like to be chased. But most don’t. Most of us, myself included, are attracted to the man who doesn’t show overt interest right away. After all, if we want to be ogled and drooled over, we’ll just walk by a construction site.

If you’ve met a girl for the first time but are sure you’ll see her again (say, she’s a waitress at your favorite restaurant or a friend of a friend), it’s generally best to wait it out. I hate to think that women are so easy to manipulate, but in some ways we are: if you develop a flirtation and feign just a bit of disinterest, we’ll probably come to you.

That said, if you’ll never see this girl again and only have one shot at it…then take it. They say that when you die, your regrets will always be about the things you didn’t do– not the things you did. So wipe those sweaty palms on your jeans, get off your barstool, and give it a try. Rejection hurts, but it won’t kill you– in fact, it can be a good way to convince your friends to buy you a sympathy drink… or three.