PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

You’re free! Maybe you’re over-the-moon about having been let loose from your ex. Or maybe you’re crying into your double-chocolate fudge chunk every night. But no matter how you feel about the end of a relationship, the fact is…it’s over. It’s time to move on. But especially if you’ve just come out of a long-term relationship, moving on is not the cake-walk your girlfriends try to make it sound. It’s hard! You’re not used to the awkward, quivery excitement of meeting men and going on first dates. And you’re not used to flirting with them, either – you may have even forgotten how.

Take it from a girl who knows…when you’re nervous about re-entering the dating scene, it’s easy to forget what it’s all about. Here’s a hint: dating isn’t about losing ten pounds because you’re too nervous to eat. It’s about having fun! Sound like an unfamiliar concept? Then you need to re-learn how to flirt and have fun with dating.

Feed Your Inner Flirt

Flirting is supposed to be about fun, about connecting with another person. It doesn’t matter what the next step is, or if you’re doing it right – as long as the feeling is fun and sincere, your flirting will be effective. Just be charming for the fun of it – and let yourself be charmed in return.

In a way, flirtatiousness is a state of mind. It can be silly and playful – even ridiculous. But it can never be serious. The moment you take flirting too seriously, it evaporates into something a lot less attractive. It’s all-too-easy for newly-single women to forget to have fun when meeting men – but that’s one of the first things you want to re-learn when you begin dating after a breakup.

Make Yourself Vulnerable

Don’t worry…this isn’t as bad as it sounds. In this case, vulnerable simply means approachable – as in not being surrounded by a pack of girlfriends whenever you go out. Sure, having them with you is fun (and more than a little comforting), but if you’re always part of a pack, men will rarely come talk to you. The confident-but-polite ones won’t want to interrupt, and the shy ones won’t want to risk rejection in front of a group. Still want to go out with your friends? Separate from them occasionally and walk the room, giving that tall, sexy guy who’s been eyeballing you a chance to approach.

Use Your Most Alluring Feature: Your Eyes

If your flirting gears have gone a little rusty from relationship-based disuse, you may have a hard time talking to guys. But that boring old adage about body language and eye contact being the universal language is actually true. You can flirt while having a perfectly ordinary conversation – or no conversation at all.

Simply use eye contact. To flirt with that gorgeous guy across the room, catch his eye, hold it a moment and smile, then glance away. Don’t hold it too long – just long enough for you both to realize there’s a connection. If you’re feeling particularly confident, walk past the guy to check him out a little closer. Glance at and smile at him again, and after you pass, look at him and smile over your shoulder, then move on. Works every time.

Maintain a Balance

Even if you’re ecstatic about being free from a guy and on the prowl, don’t rush in full-time. Be sure to balance your time between dating and spending time with close, trustworthy friends – or just on your own. If you’re out there too much, you’ll get jaded before you can say “men stink”.