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Post Count: 51
Tuesday, June 17th, 2008
Categories: Advice For Women, Infidelity, Relationship Advice
All men are pigs! Okay, okay… they’re really not. In fact, most of them are wonderful, faithful partners. But when you suspect that your boyfriend or husband is cheating on you, it sure feels like all men are pigs. And even worse, it feels like your head’s going to explode with all the choices you have to make. Do you confront him? Cut and run? Or do you sit quietly in torture, waiting for the moment to explode?
1. Relax. The first thing you should do is… try to relax. Don’t do anything rash. That means put down the phone, stay off of his email account, and take a deep breath. It’s time to do some serious thinking.
2. Evaluate yourself and your relationship. To begin, you have to know how seriously to take your suspicions. First, evaluate yourself objectively– and figure out if this is something that happens often. Are you paranoid or super possessive by nature? Have you believed that boyfriends or husbands were cheating in the past? Also take a look at your relationship. Do things seem fine between you, or are they strained or strange? Does he treat you the same way, or is he acting suspiciously?
3. Decide how far you’re willing to go. Women who think their partners are cheating can do some pretty crazy things. A college friend of mine agonized over a “maybe cheating, maybe not” boyfriend for weeks, driving by his house in the middle of the night to see what he was up to. Other women hire private detectives or call strange numbers on their partners’ cell phones.
If you think he’s cheating and aren’t ready to confront him, there are lots of ways to snoop and find out– but most of them aren’t going to leave you with a lot of dignity. Before giving in and hacking his email or obtaining his phone records (or, worse, hiring a private detective), take a minute to think about how snooping will make you look– and feel. If you want to go all out, do it. But do it cautiously, and try to maintain a bit of your dignity.
4. Get your decisions ready. Before confronting your (possibly) cheating partner, you need to decide what you’re going to do if it turns out he’s cheating. While you should, of course, give the decision a lot of time and thought, you’ll probably already be leaning in one direction or the other: you can either take him back, or you can cut and run. Either way, having a set decision beforehand is one of the best ways to keep the conversation from getting out of hand.
5. Confront him. If you’ve exhausted all of your snooping capabilities (or decided not to snoop– in which case, “good for you!”) you’ve probably come up with one of two options. One, he’s cheating and you’ve discovered it. Or two, you still don’t know. Now it’s time to confront him about your suspicions.
No matter how you do it, this isn’t going to be a fun conversation. If you know that he’s cheating and can prove it, it simplifies things a bit. You’ve already made your decision on what you’re going to do, and all you have to do is tell him. However, if you don’t know yet whether or not he’s cheating, try to keep an open mind. There may be a good explanation for his strange behavior. At the same time, trust yourself: in most cases, if you think he’s cheating, he is. Don’t let him off too easy.
(On June 21st, 2008 at 11:45 am)
What a refreshing change to hear a woman write a cheating article based upon common sense rather than simply taking the moral high ground and catching a guy out.
In the past I've been astounded that the female focus tends to be purely directed towards catching the guy to 'prove' they were right. Of course there's no consideration as to what will happen next, beyond the assumption he'll realise his mistake and come back to her on bended knee.
However, the thought of remaining with a woman who would hack his email account, check his phone and maybe put him under surveillance is unpaletable at best. Thus the caught guy tends to either leave her on account of her prying detective work or jumps ship to the woman he was having an affair with. A further option could be to leave both women and find another… either way the prying detective loses her man whether she likes it or not.
I'm not saying cheating is acceptable although it is a fact of (unhappy) relationship life. I find there's no shortage of women who have been cheated on in the past deciding that their new guy is naturally untrustworthy (due to having a penis). Thus he will pay for the way her ex's have treated her by being treated with ongoing suspicion. This is a sure fire way to get a guy to either dump a woman outright or cheat on her so she can be right for a change.
Once again – great article
Adam x
(On March 11th, 2009 at 9:08 am)
i mean i honestly don't know ow to respond to situations like these however so i am currently in this situation as of now. The question is how do you go about confronting him? even though he has cheated on you on the past, what are you suppose to think?
(On August 11th, 2009 at 5:27 pm)
"In fact, most [men] are wonderful, faithful partners."
Sorry to say, but that is simply not true. Not one heterosexual man I've ever dated was faithful to me, and no man ever will be.
The best dead giveaway is when the relationship starts to get really nice and I feel happy and safe, and he starts to tell me that he loves me and wants to spend his life with me. That's always when I know the man is ready to dump me, so I save him the trouble.
Whenever I get suspicious, I simply leave the relationship without a word – I don't investigate, or come forward and ask him or communicate anything at all, I don't even explain why the relationship is over. I just end it, tell him he's wonderful and that he deserves the best. Why bother? There's nothing to do that will change the situation, what's done is done. Plus, intuition and gut feeling is always 100% correct, and besides, if a man's not cheating right at that time, he's always looking for something better, so it will happen anyway eventually.
When I handle it this way, my boyfriend isn't bothered at all and I assume he's always happy to have me gone so he isn't wasting any more time with me and can be with the other person (or, if he's not actually cheating, he's freed up to find someone better).
(On August 11th, 2009 at 5:31 pm)
"In fact, most [men] are wonderful, faithful partners."
Sorry to say, but that is simply not true. Not one man I've ever dated was faithful to me, and no man ever will be.
The best dead giveaway is when the relationship starts to get really nice and I feel happy and safe, and he starts to tell me that he loves me and wants to spend his life with me. That's always when I know the man is ready to dump me, so I save him the trouble.
Whenever I get suspicious, I simply leave the relationship without a word – I don't investigate, or come forward and ask him or communicate anything at all, I don't even explain why the relationship is over. I just end it, tell him he's wonderful and that he deserves the best. Why bother doing anything else? There's nothing to do that will change the situation, what's done is done. Plus, intuition and gut feeling is always 100% correct, and besides, if a man's not cheating right at that time, he's always looking for something better, so it will happen anyway eventually.
When I handle it this way, my boyfriend isn't bothered at all and I assume he's always happy to have me gone so he isn't wasting any more time with me and can be with the other person (or, if he's not actually cheating, he's freed up to find someone better).
(On September 18th, 2009 at 7:32 am)
I have my suspicions and they're strong inside me. But, I am a possessive, paranoid person by nature as well. Really the only thing I have to go on Per Se is his cell phone. If he leaves his cell phone where I can get to it, all the messages will be erased. Phone calls that came in will be erased pertaining to certain numbers. But, most of the time, he does not leave his cell phone where I can get to it. He usually has it right next to him at all times. Hell, if he goes to the bathroom, it goes with him. It's only when it's erased, which is often these days, that he leaves it where I can get to it (sometimes). He locked me out of everything really. But, I admitted snooping before. I caught him in some emails with another woman who was a client of his. Though the emails were not explicit, they made me extremely uncomfortable. He was using his work as a kind of pusher. Trying very hard to get her to come in and see him, just to say "hi" in most cases. He cared about what she was doing, how she was feeling. Said they could go get coffee. I did confront him about this. He calls me jealous. Says they are just clients and he is trying to make them comfortable by taking them for coffee or some such. I worked with him for 2 years, he NEVER did that. I'm not stupid. Sigh.
He's cheating on me isn't he? I have no tangible proof. But, I think he is. I don't think he is sleeping with the person, but there is definitely something going on. My heart is broken and like you said, I think I might being going crazy. I can't live like this anymore. I don't make enough money right now to take care of myself and my daughters. I just don't know what to do.
(On December 24th, 2009 at 5:42 am)
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phone tapping devices
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