PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

Ah, sex for the first time with a new partner. Isn’t it wonderful? Unfortunately, it’s not always. No matter how attracted you are to somebody, sometimes things just don’t click in the bedroom. You lie there, vaguely disappointed…and then you hear it. “Wow, that was incredible. Was it good for you?” And your heart plummets. What the heck do you say?

Avoid it. This is probably what most women (and men) do when asked “the dreaded question” – after all, you don’t want to lie, but you don’t want to hurt his feelings, either. So you just gloss over it and hope he won’t notice. “I think you’re wonderful,” is a good non-lie way to keep from admitting that, even if you think he’s wonderful, you don’t think he’s wonderful in bed.

When is it a good time to duck the question – and avoid giving a straight answer? There are a couple of situations in which this might be your best option. One is when the guy in question is somebody that you want to keep having a relationship with. If you want sex between the two of you to get better, you’ll need to talk to him about it…but not post-coitus, as that’s when emotions will be highest.

This is also a good route when the sex was so bad that it was a deal breaker – you’re not going to see him anymore. You don’t want to get into a conversation about good and bad, or stroke his ego…you just want to get out.

Fess up. Watch out…this is the dangerous one. If he asks “How was it for you?” and you answer “Why, quite terrible…thank you for asking,” you can bet that his reaction isn’t going to be pleasant to behold. Every man seems to think he’s an Adonis in the bedroom, and this kind of blow to his ego can get a little messy. So use this with caution…if at all.

The best time to just fess up is when the sex was a one-time thing. If you know you’re not going to be going back for more, but want to help him be better, telling him it was bad might be doing him a favor. It’ll hurt, but if he’s willing to listen, it can also help. Just remember to be specific. “You suck,” doesn’t do anything but injure his ego. “This or that could be better,” will help him with future encounters.

Want to continue having a relationship with this man, and want to see the sex get better right away? You might be tempted to tell him post-coitus, but…don’t. It’s best to wait until you’re both calm (and fully dressed) so you can have a composed, honest conversation – with a bit less ego involved.

Lie. This is the easy way out – stroke his ego and make things easy for yourself. After all, you don’t want to hurt his feelings. While this may seem tempting, lying isn’t a great idea in any relationship. If it’s possible to be straight with him (especially not post-coitus), you should be.

Just a note: while these tips are geared towards women (after all, it’s usually men who ask the dreaded question), but work equally well for both sexes.