PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

Some things never change: women are always wondering when it’s the right time to get physical… and if today is “too soon”. And guys are always wondering just how to convince her that the right time was yesterday… so they’d better start getting caught up. But who’s right? When is it the right time?

Obviously, I’m going to say that the “right time” is different for every couple, every set of intentions, and every situation. I’m also going to say that you have to decide for yourself when it’s right, and not give in to pressure to go for it before you’re ready (generally advice for the ladies rather than the men). Now that the small print is all over with, here are some guidelines for deciding when it’s the right time to have sex… and when you should wait.

What Sex Means to Women vs. Men

Sex means love and babies, right? Okay, not always. Just like men, we women are sometimes just in it for the lovin’… and not for the love. But even if we’re not in it for the long term, our bodies think we are. There’s a lot of science behind why this is true, and some of it is speculative. But it’s thought that, after having sex with a partner for the first time, a woman’s body releases a hormone called oxytocin during orgasm. Though little is actually known about how oxytocin affects the body, it is thought that this hormone acts on a woman to make her want to keep a man around after sex… so they can stay together and raise babies, of course. Scary, right?

For women, even if we’re not looking for it, sex is connected to reproduction and love and raising cute, chubby-cheeked babies. It’s in our DNA.

It seems that, upon orgasm, men also produce this family-forming hormone. But the presence of so much testosterone in their systems really tempers its effect on the body – and on his wanting to stick around and raise babies. Essentially, when a man has sex, he considers his job done. His body says it’s time to go…and the decision to stick around is made wholly by his brain.

When Is It Time?

Knowing all of this…when is a good time to start a physical relationship? The simple answer is this: when you know what you want. The decision is, of course, harder for women than it is for men. We women have to quickly decide if we just want a roll in the hay…or if we want a long-term relationship with a particular guy.

If all you want is a bit of fun, just go for it. But if you’re looking for a relationship, you should probably hold off a bit. Because while a woman can tell if she’d want to have a relationship with a guy pretty darned quickly, it takes men much, much longer. Before getting physical, give him a chance to get to know you… because if he doesn’t have a good reason to stick around (namely, that he thinks you’re awesome), his body will be screaming at him to run away… and his brain might just listen.

Sorry, men! It’s science we’re talking about here, and I don’t want to steer my fellow females wrong. None of this means you can’t try, though…And good luck!