PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

Ever been in a relationship where, even though the physical side of things was great (hey, even mind-blowing), you just didn’t click with your partner on a non-physical level? Of course you have – we all have (haven’t we?). This is the kind of relationship that results from letting a physical attraction take its course…and ignoring the fact that there’s no real connection. And, hey, it’s a lot of fun. Even if it’s temporary.

But the truth is, these sorts of relationships are sort of a fluke. Because for most women (unless they’re just looking for sex, in which case…congratulations), we require more than just a physical attraction to agree to even go out on a date. What are we looking for? Why, an emotional connection, of course. I can’t imagine you’re too surprised to hear it.

Attraction

Attraction happens pretty fast. You know how it works: you feel it after the merest glance or the smallest smile or softest brush of the arm. Contact is made in a split second, then broken shyly, then reestablished. You can’t help glancing over there, and every time you do, you meet – her eyes; she’s attracted to you, too. Then it’s up to somebody – generally you, but not always – to make the move.

And now that the easy, eyes-only part is over, things get a little more complicated. When you’re strongly attracted to somebody, it can make conversation difficult – you might stumble over your words or appear awkward. For guys especially, that first physical flash of attraction can be a little disconcerting. Which, of course, makes it more difficult to establish that all-important connection (which requires talking!).

Connection

Sorry if this sounds superior, guys, but we women have a bit more control over our physical impulses than you do. So we generally need to feel a real connection with a guy in order to agree to go out with him (unless, of course, the guy is really super hot – unfortunate but true). But establishing a connection is hard for just about everybody…especially if you’re heart is in your throat because you’re so attracted to her.

Connecting with a woman is about finding a common ground. Finding something that you both can relate to, and that actually means something to you both. Here’s an example:

You: So, what do you do?

Hot Girl: I’m an architect.

You: *laughing* I wanted to be an architect when I was a kid! Is it as interesting as it looks?

See the connection there? You connected to something she said, establishing a common ground and opening up the conversation – and you kept the conversation focused on her, which is something girls love. Nifty, right?

But if the conversation doesn’t lead you in a direction where you can establish a connection this way (and you’ve got to be fast, or she’ll lose interest), you can do it on your own by relating something you know, feel, or have, with something you can see about her. “I see you have big boobs. I’m crazy about big boobs,” won’t cut it (duh!). Instead, try to comment on something personal but not physical. “Hey, I like the David Bowie button on your purse…When I a kid, I was obsessed with Space Oddity – I even had silver pants.”

Most of all, just be interested in her. If you talk to her and (most of all) keep her talking, you’ll appeal to her in more than just a physical way – and get the stage set for asking her out…and having her say yes.