PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

So you’ve gone on the required number of dates, explored each other physically, and established a real mental and emotional connection. The next step? You guessed it…it’s time to go exclusive. How exciting!

If you’ve just gotten yourself a shiny new relationship – with no dents or dings or smashed-in sides – you want to keep it that way for as long as you can. After all, it’s so sparkly and new! But the problem with brand new relationships is the very fact that they’re so wonderful. When you just become exclusive, you and your new partner are in such a state of bed-sheet-burned bliss that you might not even realize it when you’re starting things off on the wrong foot.

Crazy about your new guy or girl and want to get lay down the groundwork for a successful relationship? It’s time to drag yourself out of bed and do some hard thinking about what a successful relationship means to you.

Start with a friendship. At the beginning of a relationship, it’s easy to overlook being friends in favor of being lovers. After all, there are things your friends just can’t do for you. But in a relationship, you need to be as good a friend to your partner as you are to your high school buddies. Think about what you do for and with your friends, and how you support each other…and be sure to make the same effort for your new partner.

Take full responsibility for your behavior. While there’s nothing you can do about the way your new boyfriend or girlfriend behaves (other than telling him or her how you feel about it), you do have total control over how you behave. Success in a relationship lies equally with both participants…and only you can choose to make things work on your side.

Decide how you should behave in both positive and negative situations, and take responsibility for behaving that way. If you don’t do your best to be your best, you have only yourself to blame if the relationship falls apart no sooner than getting started.

Set relationship goals. This is one that you’ll probably want to do on your own – unless you’re not worried that your new boyfriend of girlfriend will think you look like a nut job. Take the time to think out what being in a relationship means to you, and what you’re looking to get from it. Even write it down. Then take steps to be sure that that happens…so that when the glow wears off in a few weeks or months, you’re not disappointed with the reality left behind.

Compromise to meet your partner’s needs. And expect him or her to do the same. Everybody needs different things in a partner, from a listening ear to a shoulder to cry on…to just somebody to get physical with to release a bit of stress after a long day. Some people want a partner that is everything to them. Others are looking for less. Take the time to figure out what your new boyfriend or girlfriend is looking for, and try to give that to them. And be sure to tell them what you need, too. Sometimes trial and error isn’t the best way to learn.