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All of us are passive aggressive sometimes — even if we don’t want to admit it. There are just times in life when, though there’s something you don’t agree with (or something you don’t want to do), it’s just not worth it to come right out and say so. Sometimes you just want to take the easy road and avoid confrontation. Does your mother need to know how much you hate her corn casserole? Nah. You just push it around on your plate and pretend to eat it to keep the peace.

But with some people, passive aggression is a constant habit. Habitual passive aggressive behavior is common in people who can’t express their anger in a normal way. They deal with anger and frustration passively, and deflect outright confrontation. Most passive agressives are unaware that they do this at all– but that doesn’t make it any less obnoxious.

Why You Don't Want to Date a Passive Aggressive

But…why is having a passive aggressive partner such a bad thing? After all, everybody likes to avoid confrontation sometimes.

One of the worst things about dating a passive aggressive is that they’re slippery as a fresh-caught fish. Catching them at it will be difficult, as they tend to distort the truth in order to make their wacked-out view of reality seem the more logical one.

Here’s an example. A passive aggressive will never take responsibility for the negative parts of a relationship, but will do small things to make it look as if he or she is doing all they should be. When this happens, what may look like a loving, caring partner is actually doing his or her best to pull the wool over your eyes.

A passive aggressive partner simply can’t be trusted to play it straight and take responsibility for his or her life the way a mature adult should. He or she will never be willing to look at the world head-on.

Hints that He or She is Passive Aggressive

Hint 1: He or she never complains about you directly. If someone you’re dating never has anything directly negative to say to you, yet you feel vaguely disapproved-of, chances are he or she is passive aggressive. Watch for ambiguity when your date expresses him or herself.

Hint 2: You hear though the grapevine that… Somebody who is passive aggressive will never complain about you to your face, as that would create a confrontation. Instead, they complain to others. If you hear that somebody you’re dating has complaints that he or she has never expressed, it might be a warning sign.

Hint 3: Your date never follows up. A passive aggressive person will nearly always agree to something you ask them to do — but rarely follow up. If your date often conveniently “forgets” to do things, they might be habitually passive aggressive. Watch out!

Hint 4: He or she is resentful and always blames others. If somebody you’re dating doesn’t take responsibility when they talk about the current problems in their life, they probably don’t take responsibility for anything — a big sign of passive aggressive behavior.

A passive aggressive partner is one of the most frustrating things on the planet. You can see that, in this article, I’ve had some trouble pinning down just what it is they do — they’re just so darned slippery. But while I would advise watching for passive aggressive behavior in potential dates, it’s also important to know that most people don’t do it on purpose — and a few of them are worth giving a chance. With a little bit of help, many passive aggressives are capable of change.

Let’s hope so, anyway. Because there are a lot of them out there.