PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

My last blog post was all about dumping a guy gently. Taking care of his ever-fragile ego and letting him down as easily as possible. Today is part two – dumping a girl while inflicting the smallest amount of pain possible. Being a girl myself, I’ve always thought that we ladies are more complicated than guys in this respect (and most others, come to think of it – but that’s an entirely different article). So the methods that work well with guys don’t work at all for girls…in fact, we generally want exactly the opposite.

And I think I should preface this by saying…dumping a girl is generally going to be harder than dumping a guy. Women need emotional closure more than men do, and don’t always put protecting their egos and their dignity before understanding what went wrong. So…sorry guys, but get ready for it to be painful.

After Just a Few Dates

Unless the girl you’re dating is the type to get super attached super quickly (in which case you’d better brace yourself), dumping a girl after just a few dates is going to be a cinch compared to after a longer-term relationship. Still, everybody has an ego that is easily damaged, and if she likes you, it’s going to be a difficult experience.

Tell her you’re done. I truly believe that, with men, cutting off contact after a few dates can be an easy way to break things off without bruising their delicate egos. But with women, doing this is very hurtful. Women don’t spend their contact-free days and weeks wondering if you fell down a well…we spend them wondering what we did wrong. So even though it’s easiest for you to just avoid seeing and talking to her, it’s not the best thing for her. Tell her – even if it’s just over the phone – that it’s not working.

Longer Term Relationships

Dump her over time. Most girls are hyper-aware of how their partners are behaving. So if you’ve been in a relationship for awhile and come to the conclusion that you want out…don’t do it yet. Instead, spend some time – two weeks is generally best – distancing yourself from her. Don’t be as affectionate. Don’t get physical. Don’t return her calls as often as you would normally. This way, when it comes time to do the deed, she’ll probably be expecting it, and will have prepared herself.

Tell her in person. Just as above, you’ve got to tell her you don’t want to see her anymore…and if you’re coming out of a longer term relationship, you’ve got to tell her in person. Your best option? Do it in a public place so the conversation doesn’t get out of hand. And be ready to be embarrassed if it does. (Or maybe you like having wine thrown in your face?)

Be honest. Soothing lines work with many men. But they don’t with women. We women need closure, and we need to understand why you don’t want us. So even if you’re afraid of hurting her, be honest about breaking it off. Unless, of course, you think she’s horrible in bed or smells like rotting onions! Then…lie.

Don’t lead her on. In the desire to be gentle, many men give women the impression that there’s hope for a reconciliation. And while it’s admirable to want to be nice, the kindest thing you can do post-dumping is stay away from her. Don’t call her, don’t try to be nice to her…just back off and let her get over you. If she hates you for it, well…that’s something you’re just going to have to accept.