planning mode
dating scene
Post Count: 51
Tuesday, July 15th, 2008
Categories: Advice For Women, Attraction, Dating Advice
When I'm talking about this subject, I always feel like I'm treading over dangerous ground. Because I'm a girl who does like nice guys…and I know that other women want men to treat them decently, too. But here's something else that I think is true for most women: while we say that we want a nice guy to treat us like a princess and buy us flowers and worship us…we're kind of, well…lying. And most of us don't even realize it.
I'm a feminist, and believe that we women are amazing and strong and able make our own choices equally to (or, hey, better than) men. But I also believe that, like men, we women are subject to our biology. Women have 200,000 years of evolution – and of gender roles – behind us to tell us what to look for in a man. And those 200,000 years of human biology aren't wiped away by the recent changes in the roles men and women play in society…they just can't be.
Deep down, most women want a strong, decisive, confident man – the type of man that would have kept us safe thousands of years ago. And while this is an instinct that most women can – and do – overcome in order to have relationships with good, sweet, considerate men that stimulate them intellectually…it's still an instinct that dictates our reactions to men.
What Nice Guys Do Wrong
It's good to be a nice guy…really, it is! Because women do want to be treated with consideration and kindness. But there's one big mistake that you "nice guys" make when you approach a woman: you try to be the "dote on us hand and foot" guy that we women are always saying we want…instead of the nice-but-strong guy that we actually want. And you end up looking like a wimp while you're at it. Sorry to sound harsh, guys…but no woman likes a wimp.
But how do you treat a woman nicely without looking like a wimp? Be confident, be decisive, and be strong.
For instance, out of a desire to be polite (and because you really want to go out with her!), some men often supplicate to women. You bow and scrape and say, very politely, "Is it okay if I ask you out on a date sometime?" And the answer is often no. Because the right approach – even if most women aren't willing to admit it – is a strong and casual confidence that is, for many of us, irresistible in an indefinable, animal way.
Try this instead: "Hey, some friends and I are playing volleyball near my house next Friday night. You should come, too."
The truth is, biology has a lot to do with how women react to men (and, of course, vice versa). So while being a jerk is never going to get you ahead with women, considering the biology that goes into relationships will. The best thing to do? Combine what women say they want with what their instincts tell them to look for. It might just give you a little boost next time you want to catch a woman's interest.
(On January 1st, 2009 at 1:14 am)
women are fucking evil lying conniving creatures that corrupt men souls,has been the sam since adam and eve,if you want to lose focus quick,and lose yourself date a woman,they are good for one thing,and hate to break it to you my hand is better,doesnt talk back or cause kaoss,plus a dirty hole,never is satisfied ,cunts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(On January 1st, 2009 at 10:43 am)
LOL, Feminists are idiots…
Look at the writer of this article. She admits that Women are liars, but yet, that Women can make choiced equally or even better than Men?
Bullshit! That's absurd.
If women don't even realize when they are lying, how could they realize if they are making a good choice? Because most of them never do anyways.
Actually, Evolution evidence shows that Women are HIGHLY unevolved from Men in this day, and even the Feminist and Sexual Revolutions have left them farther behind in Evolution compared to Men than ever before.
Feminists and Western Women are Pathological Liars.
In the upcoming new Age of Aquarius that we will be entering, a lot of Women will reject evolving with the new age, and will inevitibly need to die out. And, the Women who do evolve and create new offspring will be of the most evolved, closest to the divine, etc.
Jason
(On January 3rd, 2009 at 2:42 pm)
Right, from what I observe women arent attracted to most men. Sure, most of us get treated like crap. They are however attracted to the successful ones, ie tall, good looking, groomed for big success in sports or business. The trouble probably comes when all the males who dont fit into that category think they too will get something from women. The sad fact is that it aint going to happen. Just let it play out; let the successful men (lucky?) men create the families and pass on their genes so women will stop complaining so much.
(On February 2nd, 2009 at 9:44 pm)
Joe – And you wonder why you can't find a good woman?
Jason – Please show me the evidence that evolution was slower in women. This cannot possibly be the case as men make up half the genes of any human being. A species evolves together. Plain and simple.
Thomas – It's true. Success, confidence, and ambition are sexy to a lot of people. Perhaps you just aren't finding the right woman to appreciate your endearing characteristics? Don't give up hope.
(On February 5th, 2009 at 4:34 pm)
Dis maynot be related to the above discussion but y d hell are women so complicated….
"And you end up looking like a wimp while you're at it",,wow what do u wanna convey by dis line,,,women want "nice" men who care for them etc etc,,and at the same time dat aint impress them,,,CONFUSED Man :O
(On February 6th, 2009 at 9:08 am)
Mike,
Women are really not all that complicated, you just need to lie to American Women and keep them on their toes wondering about what you are, who you are, and what you are up to in life, because it makes them draw attraction to you when they can't figure you out and if you remain a mystery to them.
Remember that, Women aren't even sure what they want themselves half the time, so it would be impossible for them to know what they want in a man all of the time, and their needs/desires are ever-evolving, and ever-changing day-to-day, sometimes minute-to-minute.
The more a woman learns about a man, the less interest they eventually have in that man.
Most Women internally have very low self-esteem, and you need to appeal to their low self-esteem by making subtly making them feel less like a person, and making them feel hopelessly dependent upon you in certain ways, and make it so that they feel they have to struggle and compete with other Women to have your attention. It is best not to make Western Women your #1 priority, but at least make them 2nd priority in your life, and this is what keeps them interested and sticking around.
Women have completely taken the path to stopping their evolution compared to men in this era, and one particularly fact of that is because Women do not know how to go about life without lying, even if it's only about their age, and even if they have no reason too. And often they lie because of their low self-esteem, often because "They think a man would make fun of them if they told the truth about something…"
See, when a man lies, in most cases he doesn't lie irrationally (unless he has a drug or emotional problem), he would lie because he needs to in order to get something, rather than speculating or making up things as he goes along to get what he wants.
But even traditionally honest men like myself, know for a fact that the only way you can get anywhere with western women is by lies, so what do you want to do if you want to get laid or have someone fun around? You have to lie, it's the unfortunate dissapointing fact of this world, but, nonetheless it's the truth of it.
Women lie and self-deny things even to themselves just to keep themselves happy, or to avoid conflict… Does that give you the picture at all now?
Again, this is mainly only true with western women for the most part. Women from other countries are very different, and actually follow their biological instincts and look for men who are honest and in for a long-term situation.
Women from Russia, Ukraine, Poland, and even Filipina girls treat men a LOT different. They are very cultured and well-mannered, and they are raised in a very family-oriented, positive mindset, where they understand success and reward is determined by choosing a virtuous man and taking care of their man. It is often in the nature of these women to be unsatisfied unless they can make their man always feel at home and relaxed, many of them will cook you dinner and offer mutual support.
It's the mentality from the British/Western Feminism and Materialism which is what infests the minds of Women and has been drawing them away from even being attracted to Men.
So, that's my point.
(On February 11th, 2009 at 12:10 am)
I couldn't agree more with Jason. Life experience has told me that western women need to be lied too in order to get anywhere with them.
(On April 9th, 2009 at 6:03 am)
It's mostly true, you have to put on an act to make women attracted to you. You get places with women by being yourself too, but you have to work harder. I know because I've been doing it both ways. I read some immoral books about secrets to attracting women and those mystery techniques work on pretty much all of them. My soul is depressed by what makes women tick ~ I act like a douchebag and now I have every woman interested in me. They like if you bust their chops and be mysterious. And now I can't stop acting that way cause it works so well – it's like drugs. I wish I could go back to being pure and clean of heart and eventually I'd attract a real woman. Now I am addicted to these evil sexpots we call modern women and feminists.
(On April 15th, 2009 at 8:45 am)
I am always attracted to bad boys… but when it comes to a relationship I prefer a good boy.
(On July 20th, 2009 at 1:08 pm)
It's unfortunate that there are so many women out there that fall for the asshole type of guy. Many women do not appreciate when a guy is nice to them… they see that as a sign of weakness, which I completely fail to understand. But do not despair, guys, there are plenty of women out there that appreciate a quality man when they see one. Unfortunately, there are too many idiots out there doling advice that it's better to be a douche to women to get their attention. |If that's the kind of women you want, then by all means, go for it. But then don't complain when they turn around and give you the finger when you start being real with them. Just be yourself, and smile! Confidence and a great smile go a long way!!
(On July 20th, 2009 at 2:32 pm)
I would like to add that women like Karen Talavera only help to promote this ideology that to get a woman, treat her like shit, which is completely wrong. While I agree that there may be women like that out there, I also know plenty of dudes that go for girls that treat them like dirt, so it's not a matter of gender; it's a matter of personal preference. If being shoved around tickles someone's balls, if they equate masochism with love, then that's something they have to deal with. And I sense that a lot of the guys hating on women on this post may have that preference.
(On August 6th, 2009 at 1:02 pm)
The "nice guys finish last" stereotype isn't even true! Look at the research examples cited on wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nice_guy
It's my experience that most men who blame their relationship troubles on the idea that they are "nice guys" actually suffer from other issues; like poor self-confidence. The fact that they place external blame on the women who reject them is a red flag that they have relationship issues to cope with before they can enter into a healthy relationship.
People are or are not attracted to each other for a myriad of other reasons, too. Maybe she doesn't feel you have common interests or values. Maybe she doesn't have chemistry with you. How can you reduce the numerous features of attraction to "well, she just doesn't like nice guys"? Look a little deeper, pal.
Mentally healthy men and women are attracted to people who have healthy self-esteem AND who are nice to them. If they aren't, they probably are not mentally healthy.
I don't want a guy who treats me like dirt and I don't want a guy who puts me on a pedestal. Both extremes suggest problems that prohibit a healthy relationship. A good relationship is balanced, fair and requires compromise from both people to work.
Any advice that suggests you should cover your true feelings and avoid being your true self is poor advice. How can you fall in love with someone you don't even know? You'd only be falling in love with an ideal, not a person.
(On September 21st, 2009 at 1:31 pm)
well, all these points are very good points indeed. Some women are just plain into "bad boys" because they get the attention and things that they want, even though they get treat like shit. I've seen cases where a girl's bf would treat her bad, hit her, etc., and then there is another guy that treats her nice. But she lies to the "good" guy and keeps going back to the guy who beats her up…why? I have no fucken clue why. yea, maybe they are tough, have a gang behind them to back them up, so the girl feels more secure? whatever. but there are also woman who make "good" choices out there. Dont get me wrong, every person is "unique", no two person are a like. Relationships between a male and female depends on a lot of things, we all just can't go on talking shit about each other. I'm not supporting anything above by saying what I say here, just simply saying that I understand what all these guys are saying, why they get angry and all that shit. Heck, sometimes i feel like just going outside with a fucken huge ass speaker system and yell out "FUCK BITCHES!". But yea, not all women are bad, and definitely not all women are good.
I just simply believe that, if you want a real relationship, be yourself. Don't act cool or be someone else if around the person you want to "date" or have the relationship with. If you want to just f*ck around with all the b*tches out there, then yea, act like someone "cool". Girls, you dont want to get hurt emotionally do you? And guys don't neither. If you just want to fuck around with each other…it's your choice…there are many things out there that could happen people if you hurt someone and they want revenge. Life is complicated isn't it….
(On November 2nd, 2009 at 9:10 am)
Women want one type–successful-attractive-type A….those who say differently lie. women are shallow-matterialistic-superficial mostly. sad. it will get worse.
(On January 19th, 2010 at 7:42 pm)
I'm sick and tired of American women. Most are
materialistic and very self- centered. They are
spoiled rotten by their parents and by the time
they start dating they expect even more from a man. Lying and cheating also play a part, a huge
part. It always comes down to this with women,
HOW MUCH BULLSHIT IS A MAN WILLING TO PUT UP
WITH to either date her or to keep the so called relationship going. American women are almost all prostitutes in one form or another.
Unfortunately TV has a big influence on what
women expect of a man. As a man who used to treat the women in my life very well I learned
the hard way. NEVER AGAIN! Do I have a chip on my shoulder? Goddamn right I do! This is NO
COUNTRY FOR NICE GUYS. Anytime a woman says she
wants a nice guy she's almost always full of shit!
(On January 20th, 2010 at 7:53 pm)
HENRY,
I'm totally with ya on that man…
It's true… The parents, especially the baby-boomer ones, and our Media and Textbooks which are run and controlled by the "Yids" influence the ideas through their heads… If you notice, all American Women (mostly) have this sense that they are automatically Entitled to anything and everything they want, and have no sense of being Accountable, or Responsible for anything, or even have any perception of money or where money comes from which may supply and sustain their habits…
The men who endlessly buy drinks for women at the bar for free are only feeding this cause. I "only" buy drinks for women once/if they've earned my respect.
We live in an age where Women feel that the Men must submit and bow down to them… But, the way it used to be was that Women were eager to find a way they can capture a Man who will want them and stay faithful to them to raise a healthy family, and allow them to nest securely, etc. It isn't that way anymore.
These women are infintely psychopaths, and they expect "you" my friend, to bow down to them.
I'm 27 now, and I've been single for over 5 years as it is… Have a few dates every now and then, but almost every woman I've come across is worthless.
Keep on doing what you do man, don't change for these bottomless pit whores that are infinitely greedy, don't apologize to them EVER, and do not stroke their perverted egos.
Jason
(On January 20th, 2010 at 7:56 pm)
It's gonna get a lot worse here in America, too… Just watch and wait… All these new girls going to college, and for what kind of careers? Sociology and Social Workers? Psychology!? In this Economic Collapse we are going through, 82% of the layoffs are Men, the rest are Women…
The Women are going to keep getting more and more selfish even though they have become the new Breadwinner… But even though they have attained their desire to be "equal" to us Men, no matter what we do, we are gonna "always" be expected to contribute more to them… More of what we don't even have already…
It will be getting very interesting very soon! Wait till you see what kind of times are in store for this country and the world!
There will definitely be a civil war…
Jason
(On January 31st, 2010 at 10:00 pm)
I am sorry to see a lot of negative things being said here, I have nothing against men and I do not lie, or pretend to be something I am not, I don't want money or prestige. I want a man who loves me and I love him.
Sounds dumb but I recently lost a man I dearly loved who was very abusive to me emtionally.
All of the men were I met, but I don't men bash and women have their issues too.
I do not abuse my partner and always have respect for them.
And no one should lie, if you have something to say that you have to lie, then why be together in the first place if you cannot be honest?
I have a lot to learn, and I don't always make the right choices but I am not mean or lie to my partner and everything they do I appreciate.
I am my own person but others have rights too.
So not all women are liars gold diggers or game players.
I am not
(On February 15th, 2010 at 11:19 pm)
Trouble is, what if you're the type of guy who's outdoorsy, adventurous, cooks gourmet food, is flexible in his tastes, is highly motivated in his creative endeavors, is educated, well-traveled, has ambitions for the future AND is kind, attentive, and passionate (and really good in bed), without being one of the "doting wimps" as you put it, and STILL gets dumped by women, who can't even offer an explanation for why the "spark died"? This is a mystery that haunts me and a good number of my male friends.
(On March 23rd, 2010 at 8:05 am)
You are on the money Mike. Very wise man. Guys like Mike will save man once again.
(On October 20th, 2010 at 9:18 am)
I agree with a lot of what has been said here.Most women have unrealistic expectations
of men.A decent woman is virtually impossible
to meet. One who is unattached especially.I'm
sick of all the lies and games they play.Why
wouldn't anyone want someone to treat them nice?
Material gain seems to be their main goal.Yes,
it's only going to get worse in this economic
nightmare where the rich are getting richer and
the middle class sinks into oblivion!!! My advice to guys is to avoid these MATERIAL WHORES
(AND MOST OF THEM ARE EXACTLY THAT), like the plague.Yeah, it's lonely but the alternative is
far worse.TV has a lot to do with it.Fancy cars,
rich people,endless luxury,and lifestyles that are out of reach for most of us.You must have this or that or you ain't shit!
(On October 21st, 2010 at 9:46 am)
WOW! This thread of comments has definately been enlightening. The “chip on shoulder” syndrome is alive and well!
Come on guys… get over yourselves. It’s ALL the crazy selfish women’s fault right? LOL Seriously?
I’ll give you this. American culture has most definately destroyed the family unit. Nobody seems to know their role anymore. It didn’t happen overnight. It’s taken decades to erode to what it is now. Women have changed… no doubt about it. However women have changed in a great part out of necessity. During the war times in our nation’s history men were shipped off to battle and women HAD to go to work.
Then as our society changed MEN began to change as well. So many of them cheated on their women, or got their ‘mid life crisis’ and dumped their women for younger versions. The male ego has been a BIG part of the change in men and ultimately the change in women. Alcohol became more important to many than their families. Women have had to adjust and become more independent in this country in great part due to the MEN letting us down. The MEN got self centered and lost their values… in doing so it trickled down through the whole family unit. Argue if you must but you know it’s true of many men.
You guys seem to be bulking all women into one foul group of garbage, I suppose it would be fair for me to group all men the same as well? Well I’m fair enough that I can’t do that. Some men still do have some decency and a sense of responsibility to themselves and their families. And I admire those who do.
However it’s also only fair to point out that those women who do fit into the category you guys are so crudely describing didn’t get that way by nature. It came by learning. Either through family as they watched the family unit crumble into complete dysfunction, or by society and/or media that teaches them what is acceptable or desirable. OR by men themselves who have abused their hearts and lives and left them to regroup and evolve into a new way of thinking just to survive.
So while SOME of you guys spew your hatred over the women who dont measure up to what you think they should be, maybe you should look inwardly and around you at the way you and your buddies are continually aggrivating the problem. You are insuring the future of women to become what you say of them because you, yourselves, are yeilding that result in your own actions towards them. Why not be a solution to the problem instead of perpetuating it?
(On April 11th, 2011 at 5:25 pm)
You guys wanna hear a joke? … Feminist Movement.
Yes, you're right women are equal to men or should I say people (because we shouldn't look at gender, isn't that we're going for). And SOME people suck, hence SOME women suck too. Note I said SOME.
I'm not holding doors or offering to help women carry heavy boxes anymore, because women are equally strong too..right…I mean com'on. j/k..enough jokes…
Here's my advice to you guys…act like a jerk, but don't be a jerk…work hard and do what it is you do best…and be confident, loyal, and honest (when you have to be)
And before you go all Femoid or what ever, yes women did need their natural rights protected and not allowed to get smacked around (some guys really are assholes)…but that group is taking it to the extreme and sometimes even oppressive to men…two rights don't make a wrong sweet-heart.
So the moral of the story is find balance. For everything. How you treat people and yourself. Extremes are usually negative…unless if you're extremely awesome like myself
(On May 29th, 2011 at 12:06 am)
It does not matter if the parents spoil women or not, because there are plenty of women that grew up poor as hell that are even more treacherous than children of "baby boomers" who are spoiled rotten, and on that note, there are plenty of weak ass spoiled men in this world that never had to make anything of themselves and were handed almost everything they have on a silver platter.
The problem is that men are not nearly as picky as women are. Men, idealistically, want a woman that they find attractive (if you're a man, most of them are), can please them sexually (we usually do most of the work anyway), and that they can deal with in a cohabitation situation (this is the hard part).
Sure it's not just that, as you would want someone you could see having children with (hopefully yours), dealing with finances together, (OMG HELP) etc., but at least for the first year or two of a relationship, or the initial period, the characteristics I listed are important, before moving on to more in depth ones.
Women know that men are not picky, and they are used to being hit on regularly, and understand that they really can just take their pick when it comes to guys. What attracts them? Money, and a body that looks like it can fuck their brains out. They also like slick talkers that can get inside their heads, but they don't *know* they want that, they just do. If the woman doesn't want the first two, then guess what, she doesn't know what she wants, period. By the way, either of those two are just as good to them, because a woman knows she can find one man with money, and one man that can fuck her brains out, and play both of them, or take one or the other until she finds one with both. Then, she can look for one who has more money, and can fuck her even better, dump the old guy, and move on to bigger and better things.
Sure, not all women are like that, and I would say the percentage that take it to the extremes of that behavior are a minority, but the trend is spreading more and more, along with bisexual and lesbian women who would rather be single or with another woman, so that they can find twice as many men with money and that fuck well and share them. If you think I am wrong, take off the blindfold and look around the real world.
Fault them if you want, but if men had women hitting on them constantly and willing to drain their bank accounts on us, we'd be in the same situation women are in.
If you don't take my word for it, find a female that has an account on any of the major so called internet dating websites and get her to login and show you how many messages she receives a day. Then go make an account as a man and see how many women send you an email. The ugliest woman on these sites receive ten fold the amount of email the best looking man on the site receives.
Why are all the women taken when you go out? Because unless a group of females goes out (maybe you see a few here or there), the majority of time when women go out it's because they have a man taking them out. If they don't have a man to take them out, they stay at home. Also, because they know they can pick and choose, they enjoy turning men down and acting like they are repulsed by us even if they are not, simply because it gives them a sense of power, and they crave to have power over men.
You can go out on the town looking for a woman all you want and I will say you will not find a woman that you would want to date longterm, and good luck getting her home before she passes out drunk, ie, the chances are ultra slim.
If you want to find a woman you can actually get along with, it's just dumb luck really, because you have to have a chance meeting with a female in a setting you aren't looking to have that type of interaction in. That is where you will find a good woman, not in a dance club, not in a bar. At least not usually.
So you see, it all goes back to supply and demand. Women are in high demand, and even though you would think men are too, women don't have to demand anything, they can pick one if they want to, but for the most part, they get plenty of offers from men without ever having to open their mouths and speak one word. Men that are assholes that hit on every female they interact with put women in the driver seat today.
I am a nice guy (you might not think so based on some of the things I said, but the truth hurts sometimes doesn't it?), and could also be considered a bad boy type. I've been in different types of relationships, the longest being for 10 years, and out of any woman that I have ever had a relationship with, most of them have done me wrong by cheating on me, or I found out they were cheating with me on someone else (yes women even like to have 2 boyfriends at a time, and more, and you never know where you sit on the totem pole). The funny thing is, they always come back (zero exceptions), even when they know I will never see them or date them again, and try to sleep with me.
It's like they have to come back and try to tell me how I was so good to them because other guys treat them like shit and I was so good in bed and blah, blah, bloody blah.
In closing, I would like to say that most issues of self-consciousness that men have is based on their life experiences with women. Every person has their faults, and self esteem is bad when it is extremely low or extremely high, but the majority of people fall somewhere in between, where it is not unhealthy for a relationship. However, when you have been taught by experience that you made mistakes by being yourself, being nice, or giving a flying fuck about the female you were dating, you say "well I'll be damned if I'm going to make the same mistake twice!" The sad thing is, we make the same mistakes time and time again when it comes to women, because men want to have a woman on a regular basis (at least 3 times a day right?) and we cannot overcome our basic instincts.
Good luck finding a good woman, if she is truly a good woman, she's probably had just as many bad experiences as you have as a man, and for both of you to even come to trust another human being will be a task in it's own, but don't give up, she's around here somewhere, and looking won't help you find her.
(On July 18th, 2011 at 3:29 pm)
I am very nice, I love dogs, nature and all of life…I am not handsome, and I drive a dumptruck for a living…I have no chance in attracting a woman do I?
(On September 3rd, 2011 at 12:48 pm)
yes…you do ,Don!! keep your chin up!!