When I'm talking about this subject, I always feel like I'm treading over dangerous ground. Because I'm a girl who does like nice guys…and I know that other women want men to treat them decently, too. But here's something else that I think is true for most women: while we say that we want a nice guy to treat us like a princess and buy us flowers and worship us…we're kind of, well…lying. And most of us don't even realize it.
I'm a feminist, and believe that we women are amazing and strong and able make our own choices equally to (or, hey, better than) men. But I also believe that, like men, we women are subject to our biology. Women have 200,000 years of evolution – and of gender roles – behind us to tell us what to look for in a man. And those 200,000 years of human biology aren't wiped away by the recent changes in the roles men and women play in society…they just can't be.
Deep down, most women want a strong, decisive, confident man – the type of man that would have kept us safe thousands of years ago. And while this is an instinct that most women can – and do – overcome in order to have relationships with good, sweet, considerate men that stimulate them intellectually…it's still an instinct that dictates our reactions to men.
What Nice Guys Do Wrong
It's good to be a nice guy…really, it is! Because women do want to be treated with consideration and kindness. But there's one big mistake that you "nice guys" make when you approach a woman: you try to be the "dote on us hand and foot" guy that we women are always saying we want…instead of the nice-but-strong guy that we actually want. And you end up looking like a wimp while you're at it. Sorry to sound harsh, guys…but no woman likes a wimp.
But how do you treat a woman nicely without looking like a wimp? Be confident, be decisive, and be strong.
For instance, out of a desire to be polite (and because you really want to go out with her!), some men often supplicate to women. You bow and scrape and say, very politely, "Is it okay if I ask you out on a date sometime?" And the answer is often no. Because the right approach – even if most women aren't willing to admit it – is a strong and casual confidence that is, for many of us, irresistible in an indefinable, animal way.
Try this instead: "Hey, some friends and I are playing volleyball near my house next Friday night. You should come, too."
The truth is, biology has a lot to do with how women react to men (and, of course, vice versa). So while being a jerk is never going to get you ahead with women, considering the biology that goes into relationships will. The best thing to do? Combine what women say they want with what their instincts tell them to look for. It might just give you a little boost next time you want to catch a woman's interest.