PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

Roller coasters are a lot of fun. You rise to the highest peaks, your heart in your throat…only to plummet so quickly that your heart plops right down into your stomach. Loop de loops and flip flops and crazy upside-down moments…well, there's nothing like it.

Fun as it may be, though, if you stay on the ride too long, you're going to end up with your lunch in your lap. Because even a really fun ride can make you sick.

You know the story – you may have lived it a hundred times. You first get together and things are amazing for a month or three. Then something big happens or somebody withdraws emotionally, and you break up. Then you miss each other and get back together. Wash, rinse, repeat. It's an ugly cycle.

Knowing When It's Time To Get Off The Ride

But if it's so painful, why do you find yourself in so many roller coaster relationships? Because they're fun, of course! On-again, off-again relationships can be incredibly intense…and even feel like a sort of emotional high. No matter how long you're together, if you're in a roller coaster relationship, the good times will feel eternally new – things never look dull and you never get bored.

It's easy to get addicted to those thrilling emotional highs and lows. It's like love heroin – it's not good for you, but it can be pretty darned hard to give up.

Dealing with a roller coaster relationship? You need to look at yourself as objectively as you can. Ask yourself if you enjoy the crazy ups and downs of breaking up and making up. Realistically consider whether, when things are calm, you tend to get bored. If the answer to either is yes…it's time to get off the ride. If you don't ever step away from the roller coaster, you'll never be able to adjust to stable ground – which is just what you need to do in order to have real, healthy relationships.

Knowing When You Should Hold On Tight

But…when should you hold on tight and sit out the ride? Unfortunately, not very often. Roller coaster relationships are a lot of work. And even if you're not the type to enjoy the on-again, off-again motion of the relationship, look at it this way: things are up and down for a reason. Either you don't have compatible personalities, or your partner isn't trustworthy, or you're settling for less than you should.

That said, there are times when what seems like an unhealthy roller coaster relationship just needs a little time. If you feel like you should give your relationship a chance, the first thing you need to do is look at it objectively. Aside from the highs and lows, what do you feel when you're with this person? How do you see him or her as a person, and in what ways does being with him or her –even through the hard parts – pay off? If most of your time together fills you with negative feelings – self doubt, low self-esteem, anger – you have nothing to save…and it's time to leave the ride for the next unlucky customer.