PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

You've met somebody new, and this man or woman seems ideal in every way. They like the same movies you do, they look at the world the same way you do. You laugh together and have amazing conversations and your chemistry is out of this world. There's only one problem. You just found out that he or she has kids… and you don't.

First…it's okay to freak out. If you don't have kids of your own, it's not something you expect to deal with when you're dating somebody new. It's perfectly natural to be taken aback, and it doesn't make you a bad person.

Let Yourself be Cold-Blooded about the Future

In fact, when you find out that somebody you're getting serious about has kids, it's okay to let yourself be cold-blooded about it. In fact, you should be.

Now, by cold-blooded, I don't mean to say that you should dump him or her outright and not give it a second thought. (Of course not!) But I do mean that you should consider yourself first. While you might really like this person, you're not in a committed relationship yet…and at this point, you need to put yourself first. You need to be fair to your future, and look at the relationship for how it will affect you.

Are you ready to have kids in your life? If this relationship starts to go somewhere, will you be prepared to step up to the plate? While relationships between adults are serious, relationships between adults and kids are very serious, and it's not a decision you should make lightly. Be honest with yourself. If you have doubts about your desire or ability to be part of his or her kids' lives…go slowly. Veeeeery slowly.

Understand Your Partner's Priorities

So you've decided to go ahead with dating that hot single mom or dad? There are some things you're going to have to keep in mind. First and foremost…you're never going to come first in this person's life. A parent's first responsibility is to his or her children, and that's not going to change just because "oh so wonderful" you came on the scene. So get used to the idea.

Also, keep in mind that, just because a person's children are their number one priority doesn't mean there's no room for you. After all, you're a self sufficient adult, and don't need to be anybody's number one anything, right? Single parents have just as much love to give as anybody else you might date…they just have a little less time to give it, that's all. If you can learn to be okay with not being first, you've taking an important step towards making this relationship a success.

Follow His or Her Lead with the Kiddos

When you're seriously dating a single parent, there will come a time, of course, when you meet his or her kids. This is an area where you get no say…when your new partner thinks the kids are ready, he or she will let you know. You need to follow his or her lead on when to meet the kids, how to behave with them, and what to expect from them. Go slow, and don't be in a rush to establish a great relationship with the kiddos right away. Take your time, follow your partner's lead, and…don't forget to have fun. Because though they might be scary, kids are a blast!

Good luck!