PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

Who would have thought that this would happen now, just as it did when you were an unruly teenager? It's frustrating, it's silly, and it makes you feel like you're a pimply 15-year-old again. Yep, your parents disapprove of who you're dating. And while, as your parents, their entitled to their opinions about the people in your life, you really wish they'd just try to be as happy for you as you are.

But of course, even though they say they want you to be happy, Mom and Dad are not at all afraid to let you know when they don't like your choices. They may as well take an ad out in the classifieds - it's pretty darned clear. And just as your parents can't change how you feel great about your new partner, you can't force them to like him or her. Just like you, they feel how they feel.

So, you're screwed, right? You potentially have years of uncomfortable holidays and "fake smiles pasted on" family occasions to look forward to, and that's it.

Nah, not really. Because while you can't change how your parents feel about your partner, you can take steps to prevent any real damage to your relationships - both the one with your new partner and with your parents. How do you do this? By looking at the problem head-on and get it out in the open. Because the longer it sits un-faced, the more aggravated this uncomfortable situation will become.

The first thing you need to do is analyze the situation from an outsider's point of view. If your family life were a sitcom…would the audience be used to seeing this particular plot point come up? In other words, do your parents often (or even always) dislike who you date? If so…there's not much you can do. You can't let their unwillingness to imagine you over the age of 7 (and having sex, to boot) get in the way of your relationships. Just shrug it off and do what you have to do.

Most parents, though, pick and choose who to dislike. So if it's unusual for them to dislike somebody you date, you really need to communicate with your parents about what, exactly, is wrong. Even if their opinions are closed-minded, mean, or just plain wrong…show them that you respect them by taking time to listen to their objections.

And then it'll be your turn to talk. Talk to your parents about why you chose to be with your current partner, including what makes them special and worth spending time with. Focus on telling your parents about how you feel. If you shift over into talking about how it hurts your partner to be disliked, you're going to send the conversation off in the wrong direction. Instead, talk about you: your partner treats you great in this way, makes you happy in this way, and is super special in that, that, and that way.

While you're explaining, try to keep passion, anger, and defensiveness from your voice. The more reasonable and logical you are about your partner's good points, the more your parents will listen. If it starts to turn into an argument, drop the conversation and pick it up later. And in the meantime, give Mom and Dad plenty of chances to see how great your new boyfriend or girlfriend really is.