planning mode
dating scene
When you first start a relationship, you're infatuated…you're in the honeymoon stage. Both of you are on your best behavior, and don't let too much of the bad stuff hang out for the other to see. So it can be difficult at the beginning of a relationship to figure out if you're dating a…well…a loser.
I hate using the word "loser," and think it sounds nasty and judgmental. Unfortunately, though, for some men, it's also an appropriate word. What, exactly, is a loser? A loser is somebody who takes much more from a relationship than he puts in. Due to his personality or his characteristics, he does more damage than good to you - emotionally and sometimes even physically.
While you don't want to be too quick to pass judgment on somebody you're dating, you do want to keep an eye out for "loser" warning signs early on in a relationship. And if you see too many, get out as quick as you can.
He's Too Quick
Hey, get your mind out of the gutter…I don't mean quick that way. Instead, I'm referring to the type of guy who is too quick to commit. A loser guy often feels things shallowly, and can be quick to make superficial connections. He may tell you right away that he's in love with you, or that he wants a future with you, or that he wants to make lots of babies. And while sometimes this can be due to a mutual infatuation early on, it can often be a warning sign that his feelings are only surface-deep - and will never go deeper.
He Doesn't Take Responsibility
This is one of the biggest warning signs that you might be dating a loser guy: things in his life are less-than-perfect, but he is unwilling to take responsibility for them. Some examples of this are if his finances are a mess - he's in debt up to his ears and his credit is a mess - and he doesn't seem to care. Or that he has issues in his family and personal life, and he doesn't nothing but shift the blame to others. If all he has is complaints about what others do to him, and never talks about his own mistakes, your "loser antennae" should be buzzing.
And this "not taking responsibility" thing should be a bigger, even flashier warning sign if he has kids. If somebody you're dating has kids that he doesn't see or doesn't take care of, he's got big problems. There's a difference between a guy who has occasional financial problems and can't always pay child support on time, and a guy who completely neglects his kids. If he doesn't take responsibility for the people who should be the most important things in his life, what makes you think he'll ever be there for you?
He Lets You do Too Much
There's a difference between a guy who wants his girl to do nice things for him…and one who wants to take advantage. If somebody you've started dating lets you pay for everything, or lets you drive him everywhere, or lets you do lots of complex favors for him (or worse, asks for these things), it's a big warning sign that he has a "loser" personality. If the balance of the relationship is always shifted into you doing more than he does, get out quick. Because if he's already feeding off of you at the beginning of a relationship, it won't take long for him to bleed you dry. You owe it to yourself to find a guy you can share a fair and balanced relationship with.


