PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

Deep down, we all know that dating somebody who is already married is a bad, horrible, idiotic idea. But we do it anyway! And when we're in the throes of a new relationship – especially a deliciously illicit one – it can be difficult to remember why it's such a bad idea. You're just having a bit of fun, after all. Right?

Sneaking Around

While having a bit of fun can be really, well, fun…in the case of having an affair with a married man or woman, it's really not worth it. One reason for this is part of what makes this sort of relationship fun in the first place: being sneaky. Because while sneaking around may seem exciting at first ("we can't meet at that cafe at the corner because my wife knows one of the waitresses! Let's get a hotel room…"), it's a feeling that gets old quick – real quick. You'll start finding yourself on your own much more often than you'd like, and the natural progress that you look for in a relationship will be crippled. Kind of like trying to walk a straight line with just one leg.

The Guilt

This is the one that will really get in the way of all that "just fun." Guilt – both your own and that of the man or woman you're dating. Even though you may be able to forget about it for awhile, the truth is that this kind of relationship is one that will affect a lot of people. The people in your life won't approve of it. And you will feel guilty for letting an adulterous relationship get in the way of your chances for a happy one.

But worst of all, both of you may be overwhelmed by the guilt of betrayal, of possibly breaking up a family. This is especially bad if the person you're dating has kids. Whether or not his or her spouse finds out about your affair, it will probably affect his or her family life. And if the spouse does find out, you'll feel partially responsible for breaking up a family. It's not a warm-and-fuzzy type of feeling.

Being Tossed Aside

While you can get over feeling guilty about the harm you might do to some family you've never even met, there are some things that will affect you more deeply. Like being tossed aside when your married man or woman has finished with you. Because while it's true that some people cheat because things are terrible at home (and already headed towards divorce), most affairs just…happen. And most married lovers have no intention of leaving their current spouses for you – they love them, after all.

There's a reason why the concept of the jilted adulterous lover is such a cliché. It's because it happens all the time. Most people don't start affairs because of evil intentions or a deep unhappiness at home. Most people start affairs because they're weak, or at a difficult period in their lives, or…whatever. They never intend to take your relationship seriously, and if you do, you'll only be hurt.

Also keep this in mind: even if the best comes to pass, and the person you're dating leaves his or her spouse to be with you, your trust for them will suffer. Because if they can cheat and abandon a spouse once…they can do it again, right?