PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

While keeping a relationship going is certainly tough, I think people who are in steady relationships too-easily forget how hard it is for people without relationship. They (okay, "we" – I do it, too) look back and only remember that dating is fun, and forget how hard it is to go on a first date. We forget about that first-date pressure to fill all the awkward silences. The frantic need to prove that we're charming while also showing that we're interested in our date. How is it possible to forget how difficult all that is?

Perhaps it was so painful that we blocked it out.

The truth is, unless you get incredibly lucky on a first date, trying to make first date conversation can be pretty painful. And one thing that makes it worse for guys is that, well…they're guys. When they try to cue conversation on a first date with a woman, they don't necessarily do it in ways that appeal to women.

Want to avoid that ringing silence at the dinner table on your first date with that hot waitress you've been eyeballing for weeks? Here are some tips:

Spend some time practicing. No, this doesn't mean you should practice everything you say so that it comes out stilted and robotic. It means that you should think up some interesting open-ended questions before you go out on your date. What do I mean by open-ended? Simply that the questions you ask shouldn't have yes or no answers. Come up with some interesting questions (that is, not "what do you do for a living" or "where did you grow up") ahead of time that you can plop into the conversation whenever it begins to dry up. Even better? Come up with questions that you actually want to know the answer to. Women can sense insincerity the way a dog smells out drugs.

Think of relatable stories. We humans all share something similar called the human experience. It's why we watch movies and read books and get to know people – we want to share. Use this to your advantage on a first date. If you can't think of anything to say or want to fill a silence, tell a story that your date can relate to. Tell her about a problem (just make sure it's not an overly dramatic one or one that has to do with an ex) or an event in your life, and ask her if anything similar has ever happened to her. Chances are, it has, and she'll have plenty to say about it.

Learn to softly encourage. Encouraging another to talk is something that women are generally great at, while…well, guys, most of you stink at it. But you've got to remember that, even though you're nervous about a first date, she is just as nervous as you are – or maybe more. One great way to keep conversation going is to gently encourage your date to keep talking. Want to impress a girl on a first date? Don't break out your best joke or your most impressive fishing story (in fact, never break out your fishing story at all!). Instead, show her that you're interested in her by letting her talk, and encouraging her to expand on her thoughts. If you don't try so hard to be charming, you will be.