PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

You think you know how your boyfriend or girlfriend really feels about you. And you're absolutely sure that you know how you feel about them. So…why is saying those three little words so nerve-wrackingly hard? If you love somebody, saying "I love you" should be natural and painless, right?

Sure, if you're ten years old and talking to your mother, it should be. But if you're an adult in the position of being the first to say "I love you" in a relationship, it's perfectly normal to be scared. Love changes things…and expressing it sets you up for rejection in a way that simply asking somebody out does not.

That said, just because "I love you" is a little scary doesn't mean you shouldn't say it…it just means you should be sure to do it right.

Planning Saying "I Love You"

It seems like a shame that something as real and natural as love should be planned. But, unfortunately, telling somebody you love them in real life isn't as beautiful and peaceful as it is in the movies - it's downright scary. To make sure you do it right, you'll want to take a few things into consideration before you jump in head first.

Timing. When you tell somebody you love them, you put a lot at risk. Your worst nightmare is hearing that dreaded "thank you" in response to your profession of love. But the timing you use when telling your partner you love them has more to do than you might think with the response you receive. Try to choose a moment when you're both feeling close and romantic. If you surprise your partner with an "I love you" while they're stuffing their face with a cheeseburger, you might get a less-than-thrilled response just because you've caught them off guard.

Reciprocity. Until those three little words are out in the open, it can be difficult to know for sure whether or not your love is reciprocated. That said, there are signs to watch for that will tell you how your partner feels - and make you feel more confident that you'll get the response you're looking for. Does your partner seem as committed to and passionate about your relationship as you are? Then go for it. If, however, your partner is a little more distant and less "all in" than you are, you may want to take some time to gauge their feelings before making yourself vulnerable to what is, of course, a rather painful rejection.

Sincerity. Before you take the plunge and tell your partner how you feel, it's important to be sure that you actually, well, feel that way. These are three very important little words, so be sure that you mean them when you say them. A big part of that is also choosing to say "I love you" when you're really feeling it.

Here's an example of how to do it wrong. The first time a boyfriend told me he loved me, I wasn't feeling it… and I always cringe when I remember that embarrassing moment. I did love that boyfriend, but in my 17-year-old desire to pretend that I was in a scene from an old movie, I told him (very cheesily!) that "I loved him sooo much!" It came out fake and strange and uncomfortable - and instead of looking gratified, he looked at me like I was a bit strange. Which, admittedly, I was.

The moral of the story? Be sure to say it simply, and sound like you mean it.