PlanJam!From your screen to the scene

Having low self esteem means more than just thinking you look fat in your jeans or that the girl you're chatting with at the bar won't like you – it brings a whole host of problems along with it. People with low self esteem suffer from a debilitating lack of confidence, depression, stress, jealousy, and general anxiety. I should know…I've suffered from it for years.

If you have low self-esteem, dating can be more than a little trying – as can relationships. When you don't believe strongly in your own worth, it's all-too-easy to create unhealthy dynamics within your relationships. Or to be unable to start a relationship at all. Fortunately, there are ways to deal with low self esteem while dating. It's all about facing the problem head-on.

Acknowledge the problem. If you've had the type of relationship problems that seem to repeat themselves over and over, your low self esteem may be causing it. Almost like alcoholism, one of the first steps in improving low self esteem is acknowledging that you have it. Because while low self esteem is patently obvious in some people, it can be hidden in others – even from themselves. A little self evaluation can go a long way.

Learn to ignore the whisper. Those of us who suffer from low self esteem are often bombarded by whispering doubts about our worth. To date and socialize successfully with low self esteem, you need to learn to block out those whispers of doubt. In other words, when your mind tells you that everybody thinks you're behaving stupidly, or that your shouldn't air your worthless opinions, or that your date is fixating on the pores in your nose, try to push it away. Recognizing that your doubts come from your low self esteem rather than from the actual feelings of the people around you is a hugely important step in learning to feel better about who you are.

Aim high. Those who suffer from low self esteem have an overwhelming pessimism about their prospects and their abilities – at least in some specific areas. Because they believe that they aren't truly worth more, and wouldn't be able to sustain anything better, those with low self esteem tend to partner up with people who will exploit them and their weaknesses. If you have low self esteem, it's important to allow yourself to aim high – even if you doubt your abilities to reach your target. Disparaging yourself and aiming low in your relationships will only open you up to being taken advantage of. And your relationship's failure will do nothing but deepen your self-doubts. It's a vicious cycle.

Work through your problems. This may fall last on my list, but it's probably the most important part of dealing with low self esteem. Your self esteem comes from somewhere – something in your childhood, or an event that left you scarred – and uncovering what that is is key. And while introspection and self-evaluation can be very helpful in tracking down the source of your low self esteem, the best thing is to speak with a professional. A counselor can help you to understand where your self esteem issues come from – and teach you the methods you should use to defeat it