First, it is important to have similar interests in sexual appetite. If one partner has a very strong sex drive, and the other doesn’t there can be serious problems in the future. Though it might be uncomfortable to talk about, it is a good idea to make sure that you and your partner are on the same page when it comes to the area of sex. When both partners have the same expectations in the area of sex, they have overcome a number of future problems that could cause great strain on the relationship.

Another area where a couple should look for signs of compatibility is in the amount of energy spent on daily activities. If one partner is a couch potato while the other enjoys mountain climbing, there is good indication that the relationship is headed for serious difficulties. Being a couch potato isn’t bad in itself, and if you are the type that prefers staying inside watching movies, that doesn’t mean you are doomed to be alone. However, it does mean that if you find a partner with the same energy level that you have, you’ll have a better shot at a long lasting relationship, then trying to pursue a relationship with Mr. or Mrs. Olympian. It’s never a good idea to try to fake your energy level for a relationship either. There is scientific evidence that certain people have brains that are wired for daredevil, thrill seeking experiences and others are content keeping both feet on the ground. Pretending to be more sports oriented or athletic than you are will not only work, but also it will wear you out. Be honest about your personal energy level and find a partner who you are compatible with in this area.

If you and your partner are both equally flexible, and find it easy to apologize to one another, there is a great chance your relationship will thrive. If one partner is inflexible, never gives in, or never says that he or she is sorry for their behavior, there is a great imbalance in the relationship. A truly compatible relationship is one where both partners can easily admit their wrongdoings, own up to their share of the responsibility for mistakes, and work together to move forward. If one partner is always apologizing for things the other person says or does, there is a great lack of compatibility.

Finally, you and your partner should be compatible in your outlook towards the future. You should have similar goals and dreams and have similar styles in achieving them. This doesn’t mean that you need to have similar careers or education, but it does mean that you and your partner should have similar styles for reaching your goals. Discussing your plans for the future with your partner is the best way to determine if you are compatible and share the same vision for the future. If you and your partner are compatible in these four critical areas, there is an excellent chance that your relationship will endure.

Since you’d like to spend more time with the girl that you like on an intimate level, you’ve undoubtedly thought about asking her out on a date. Using some creative ideas can help you find out if she likes you as well as get you a date if she’s interested, without suffering outright rejection. Something that you can do is wait until you hear her mention a movie or cultural even that she is interested in attending. You can casually say something to the effect that you are interested in seeing that movie or concert, attending a museum (whatever the case may be) as well, and why not go together. By presenting it in a lighthearted, casual manner, you can determine if she’d like to spend more time with you, and not need to worry about flat out rejection. When you bring it up, make sure that you phrase the request in a manner that she will have to respond with a yes or no, or even a maybe. For example, you could say something like, “Oh, wow the new Bond movie, I didn’t know you were a fan. I am too, hey why don’t we see it this weekend?”

Another idea that you can use to find out if she’s into you or not, is ask her to kiss you. Again, this is an area where many men might become nervous or self conscious, so if you turn it into a game or playful question, you can take some of the stress out of the situation. If you have been spending a lot of time together as friends and you’d like to find out if she likes you, ask her if she’ll do something for you. When she says, “What?” Ask her if she’ll kiss you. If she says know, then laugh and change the subject. You can easily play it off as if you were joking. If she says yes, you’ll have your answer and can take the relationship to the next level.

Finally, you might want to determine whether or not she’s into you by judging her reaction when you touch her. Now this doesn’t mean to grope her, but you can put your arm around her if you are crossing a street, hold her hand while she’s talking to you, or make another gesture that can be interpreted as innocent if not reciprocated. You can tell if she becomes uncomfortable if you touch her, or if she reaches for your hand as well. When you put your arm around her, does she lean in to the embrace or pull away? By watching her responses to these and the other suggestions listed above, you can determine whether or not she is into you.

One of the greatest mistakes that a woman can make in her relationship is withholding sex as a form of control. When women expect their partners to be faithful to them, they must understand that they are the ones who their partner is going to find sexual fulfillment with. By withholding sex, you are not engaging in warfare and winning a battle, you are actually creating a scenario where your partner will begin to resent you and begin looking for a new, better relationship. Withholding sex to gain an advantage in a relationship never works, and the results are always the same; it will ultimately destroy the relationship.

What is important to understand is that if a woman is emotionally upset or angry, she will not be in the mood for sex. Where many men will want to ultimately resolve a conflict through sex, a woman would rather resolve the argument through talking and cuddling. However, once she has received ample communication and feels secure in the relationship again, she will be ready for sex. The key is to recognize that when problems arise, they must be solved in a manner that doesn’t involve sex. Men shouldn’t expect to resolve the issue through sex and women should refrain from the attitude that she won’t give any sex because of the conflict. The focus should be on communication and resolving the problem in a mature manner. Once the couple begins to discuss the underlying issues and work at a solution, they can then pick up with their intimacy. Sex then becomes a true act of deeper intimacy and not a weapon or a temporary cure to cover the problem.

I’m sure you’ve heard of make up sex, and make up sex is a great thing. However, it must be used correctly. Make up sex should never take the place of openly talking about, and solving conflicts and problems. It should arise after the problem has been resolved and the couple is feeling genuine feelings of love and intimacy for one another. If a woman feels that she is being pressured into sex while her emotional needs aren’t being met, she will feel as if sex is being used as a weapon against her. Likewise, when women feel angry or emotionally dissatisfied they will shut their partner’s off and withhold sex from them. Communication, love, and respect are key to preventing sex from becoming a weapon in any relationship.

If you have low self-esteem, dating can be more than a little trying – as can relationships. When you don't believe strongly in your own worth, it's all-too-easy to create unhealthy dynamics within your relationships. Or to be unable to start a relationship at all. Fortunately, there are ways to deal with low self esteem while dating. It's all about facing the problem head-on.

Acknowledge the problem. If you've had the type of relationship problems that seem to repeat themselves over and over, your low self esteem may be causing it. Almost like alcoholism, one of the first steps in improving low self esteem is acknowledging that you have it. Because while low self esteem is patently obvious in some people, it can be hidden in others – even from themselves. A little self evaluation can go a long way.

Learn to ignore the whisper. Those of us who suffer from low self esteem are often bombarded by whispering doubts about our worth. To date and socialize successfully with low self esteem, you need to learn to block out those whispers of doubt. In other words, when your mind tells you that everybody thinks you're behaving stupidly, or that your shouldn't air your worthless opinions, or that your date is fixating on the pores in your nose, try to push it away. Recognizing that your doubts come from your low self esteem rather than from the actual feelings of the people around you is a hugely important step in learning to feel better about who you are.

Aim high. Those who suffer from low self esteem have an overwhelming pessimism about their prospects and their abilities – at least in some specific areas. Because they believe that they aren't truly worth more, and wouldn't be able to sustain anything better, those with low self esteem tend to partner up with people who will exploit them and their weaknesses. If you have low self esteem, it's important to allow yourself to aim high – even if you doubt your abilities to reach your target. Disparaging yourself and aiming low in your relationships will only open you up to being taken advantage of. And your relationship's failure will do nothing but deepen your self-doubts. It's a vicious cycle.

Work through your problems. This may fall last on my list, but it's probably the most important part of dealing with low self esteem. Your self esteem comes from somewhere – something in your childhood, or an event that left you scarred – and uncovering what that is is key. And while introspection and self-evaluation can be very helpful in tracking down the source of your low self esteem, the best thing is to speak with a professional. A counselor can help you to understand where your self esteem issues come from – and teach you the methods you should use to defeat it

When you're dedicated to exploring and writing about relationships, you come across descriptions of and stories about all sorts of polyamorous relationships. And I have to admit that I am more than a little bit curious about how "the other side," lives. A big part of me finds the sort of lifestyle I see depicted in a movie like Woody Allen's "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" or a TV show like "Big Love" appealing – and I see why it happens so often. The other side of me, however, is disturbed by the very idea.

The more exposed I am to polyamorous lifestyles, the more interested I am in answering the question: Can many people really strike a balance between variety and healthy commitment?

When I see a show like "Big Love," there is a lot for me to find appealing. The three wives share almost every element of their lives; they seem even closer than sisters. They share responsibilities and childrearing with each other the same way that they share their husband. In a way, what the wives have together is a beautiful thing.

Unfortunately, I don't have the same sense of admiration for the "husband" figure in this particular equation. In a polygamous family, it seems that the husband is generally the all-ruling patriarch. Though the women often get a say, that say goes only surface-deep. The unwavering head of the household, husband does what he likes – just watching the fictional version on TV makes all of my deep-seeded feminine ideals cry out in rebellion. And though it's cloaked in religion and duty, I think a polygamous lifestyle like that shown in "Big Love" is really only about sex and control – for the man. It's nothing I'd like to be a part of.

There are relationships, however, where men and women share freely together. It's the type of thing you heard about – or, if you're older than me, experienced – happening in hippy communes in the 60's. Or the kind of "weekend sex parties" you read about in magazines. With this lifestyle, you can have a committed romantic relationship, but sex is shared freely and you're free to have it with whomever you like. And while most of the people I know are in committed relationships (and therefore wouldn't admit it), I'm betting most of them find this sort of lifestyle intriguing – if not outright appealing. Just as I do.

For me, the conceptual problem with this kind of relationship lies with striking a balance. It is possible for most people to behave this way and still maintain their relationships as they used to? In theory, it sounds great for people to engage freely in sex – as long as they have their partner's permission. But another part of me wonders what this does to relationships – and what it does to sex. Can a polyamorous relationship be truly committed and healthy? Or does sex with multiple partners ruin it?

This is a conundrum for me…and I'd love to hear your comments about it.

Hmm. Since the oyster metaphor is getting a little gross, I'll put it simply: when you've found the right person for you, you tend to think you know who is right for your friends, too. And while your heart is probably in the right place, setting your friends up on dates isn't always a great idea…especially when you don't go about it the right way.

1. Choose through their eyes. Sure, you may have an old friend that you're amazed hasn't been snapped up yet. But just because you think they're the best thing since sliced octopus doesn't mean your friend will. Before setting anybody you care about up with somebody you know, be sure you're judging them as your friend would – not as you do.

2. Allow some mystery. Even if you know just about everything there is to know about the friends you're setting up…don't spill it all. Allow them to get to know each other in a more natural, low pressure way. And that means allowing there to be a little but of mystery between them. If you have a hilarious "diarrhea on the roller coaster" story to tell about your best friend, don't tell it to the person you're setting him or her up with.

Unless, that is, you want to embarrass the heck out of your friend…which I suppose has an entertainment value all its own.

3. Mind your own business. When you set up two people you know on a date, you kind of feel like Dr. Frankenstein. You feel like you are creating something…and you have visions of being showered with thanks at their wedding playing through your head. But avoid being obnoxious about requesting details. If your friend wants to gush about the date, let them. But if they want to keep quiet, mind your own business until they're ready. You've already done your part. Now it's time to back away.

4. Ready yourself for disappointment. We've all been set up on disastrous dates by our friends. So there's a real chance that your friends aren't half as excited about this meeting as you are. And there's also a real chance that they'll want to bring you salmonella-infused leftovers from the restaurant to thank you for a hellish date. After all, you can never predict what will happen.

So put aside your wedding speech planning and leave your triumphant screams of "It's alive!" until your sure things are working out. As long as you use a light hand in setting up your friends, you may be able to avoid having them hate you forever.

While the idea of being on your own at a party where you know very few people is scary – or, to some, horrifying – there are some things you can do to overcome your fear. With the right state of mind and some of these easy tips, you can turn awkwardness into adventure. And maybe meet somebody special while you're at it.

1. Lower your expectations. Don't put pressure on yourself to meet the man or woman of your dreams, make lifelong friends, or even impress people. If you set your expectations on "I'm just gonna have fun," chances are you will. Decide what your expectations for the night are, and don't worry about shooting any higher. "Meet one new person" is perfectly reasonable – and perfectly doable.

2. Work on your confidence. While getting ready to go to a party or event where you will know very few people, take some time to boost your confidence. No, you're not perfect. But you have worth all your own, and your own separate attributes that make you special. You're not a kid who must define him or herself by a narrow standard set by others – so don't convince yourself that you are.

3. Mingle. When you're alone at a party, it can be tempting to want to stand in the corner and avoid all those scary strangers. But if you do that, everybody at the party will, well, stay a stranger. Wander around, smile at people, and keep moving – don't hide out next to the lonely cheese tray.

4. Search for interesting people. Remember, going to a party isn't about proving to others than you're fun – it's about having fun yourself. So look for people that catch your interest, either romantically or platonically. When a conversation or a person piques your interest, try to involve yourself. Sound like too much? Then at least stand nearby and show that you're interested and approachable – a smile can work wonders.

Remember, you're at this party for you – not them. So if a person or conversation seems interesting to you, assert yourself. You won't impress anybody by standing around with butterflies in your stomach.

5. Move on. You may find somebody who seems interesting, only to enter into small talk and find it, well…excruciating. Just because you've met and know one person at the party doesn't mean you need to stick by their side. Keep mingling, pretending you're confident, and striking up conversations. If you make the effort, you may just transform yourself from wallflower to belle of the ball. Or at least have a fun few hours.

When you have this kind of person in your life, they can seem nearly impossible to get over. You know, deep down, that the situation probably won't change, but it's hard to move on and take a chance with somebody new – and, admit it, less desirable. After all, you've already found the perfect person…anything else would feel like settling.

While it's perfectly natural to feel this way (and I think we all probably have at some point), it's not a healthy point of view. If you have your eye on somebody who is attached or uninterested, it's possible that you're letting it get in the way of your future happiness. This sound like you? Here are a few hints that you might be letting that "perfect" man or woman get in the way of finding an even better one.

You compare others to them. When you go on dates, you constantly compare the person you're with to the person you wish you were with. "So-and-so would make a better joke here," or "So-and-so would know what movie I'm quoting from." And, of course, they never measure up – because you don't want them to. If you find yourself constantly comparing the people you date to that "perfect" man or woman, it's time to get some distance.

You don't give many chances. Sure, it's natural to compare the people in your life to one another. But if you have a checklist that somebody you date has to mark off in order to meet the standards set by that "perfect" guy or girl, you're being unfair. While it's important not to settle for somebody who can't make you happy, there's no real way to know just what that is. If you never give somebody a chance to impress you just because he or she is not that "special person," you'll never meet a special person of your own.

The idea of dating makes you feel hopeless. If dating feels like a useless endeavour because you can't have what you want, it's time to deny your inner depressive and do exactly what you don't want to: go on dates. The less you feel able to connect to dates because you're pining over an unrequited love (or like), the more you need to get out there and meet new people.

If, out of hopelessness, you seclude yourself from the opposite sex, you'll never get a chance to gain some perspective. The more time you spend with the opposite sex – whether as friends or potential partners – the more you'll realize that there are plenty of great people out there. You just have to be open to what makes them special. And in the meantime, you'll have a lot more fun than you would sitting around and pouting on your own.

In short, Mom is picky about who we date and loves to tell us when she thinks something is wrong.

But just because Mom cries wolf about your love live a little too often doesn't mean you should never listen to her. Because there are a few occasions in particular where you listen, and listen hard – because Mom may be trying to tell you something important.

1. She claims your partner shows signs of controlling behavior. General Mom complaints are things like "he has no future," or "she's not good enough for you." But when Mom spots signs of troublesome – and worrying – behavior about your partner, you should listen. Sure, she may be wrong…but it's also possible that she sees something you don't. Ask her for examples of this kind of behavior, and why she interprets them as she does. Then listen hard to your instincts…is she right, or is she just looking for reasons to dislike your date?

2. She sees your partner as unstable. I think this is especially true of women: mothers can often tell when another woman is unstable. So if you're dating a girl who seems perfectly normal to you, and your mother believes she's an unstable person, you might want to listen. Ask her why she thinks so, then watch for warning signs on your own. Sure, Mom loves to nitpick…but if her instincts are good, you may want to keep an eye out for strange behavior in your partner.

3. She worries your partner is divisive. If Mom complains that your boyfriend or girlfriend creates problems and isolates you from the family, you ought to pay attention. Controlling personalities work to cut off their partners from the support of their friends and family, isolating them in order to control them more fully.

4. She thinks you're going too fast. Sometimes Mom is the voice of nagging negativity. Other times, she's the voice of reason. If Mom thinks the relationship is moving way too fast, she may be right. Try to look at the relationship objectively, and evaluate whether or not you've been as wise as you could have been.

5. She feels you've changed for the worse. Some people bring out the worst in you…or simply make you unhappy. When this happens, mothers are usually the first ones to notice. If Mom thinks you seem less happy, or angrier, or less ambitious (or whatever!) because of your relationship, you may want to evaluate the effect your relationship has had on your personality or state of mind.

No, you don't want to give Mom a blank check when it comes to your relationship – it's important to make your own decisions and allow yourself to come to your own conclusions. But it's also true that Mom has your best interests at heart, and may just see things you don't. So take Mom with a grain of salt, but…listen to her sometimes, too. Especially when the stakes are highest.

Like jealousy-ridden daters, rebounders are easy to spot. Generally, they have just left a long term relationship, and are wild with freedom – like a dog released from a cage. If your partner's declarations of love and devotion are accompanied by a wild eyed smile, it's time to wonder if they're feelings for you are real, or just a result of their new-found freedom.

The Habitual Cheater. The habitual cheater is probably the most likely of all my dating villains to break your heart. Generally fun, flirtatious, and easy to be with, the habitual cheater seems perfect on the outside. It's when this person tries to commit that things get hairy. The habitual cheater cheats either because they feel they're "wired" to cheat, or because they're afraid of true commitment, and are looking to sabotage their relationship.

Spotting the habitual cheater is, unfortunately, rather difficult. They look just like you and me. The best thing is to keep in mind that if someone you're dating seems too good to be true (or seems to have a roaming eye) they probably are.

The Jealousy-Ridden. Everybody feels a little possessive about their boyfriend or girlfriend from time to time. But it's when that jealously gets out of hand that it's time to worry. The overly possessive or jealous partner is especially dangerous – they have an ability to break your spirit in a way that other dating villains cannot. And it's what most of them aim to do, whether they admit it or not. Because their own insecurities are so deep, possessive daters feel that, deep down, you don't want to be with them – even if they seem confident on the outside. The jealousy-ridden dating villain is also the most likely to be violent.

Spotting an overly possessive partner is pretty easy – even early on in the relationship. They will ask more than the normal number of questions about where you are, what you're doing, and who with. They'll make disparaging comments about you – watch out, as these often come in the form of "harmless" jokes – in order to keep you down. If your partner wants to know where you are at all hours of the day, chances are they're a jealous dater.

The Liar. Nobody, of course, is 100% virtuous, and almost all of us tell a lie or two from time to time – even to the people we claim to love best. But when lies become so tangled up with the truth that you can't pull them apart with a pair of tweezers, you're in a whole different territory: the territory of the liar. Though immensely frustrating, the liar is a rather sad villain in the land of dating: they lie not because they want to hurt or confuse you, but because they ache so deeply for approval that they can't stand the idea of telling you the truth about who they are. But while it's good to feel sympathy for a liar, believe me when I say you don't want to wrap your life up with theirs.

While it is possible to spot a liar early-on, they tend to hide well in plain sight. If you tend to trust people right off, you may have attracted a liar and not even realize it. But if somebody you're dating is full of outlandish stories that contradict themselves when you ask clear-cut questions, chances are they're spinning you a fairy tale. And they're the villain in this particular story.